


A Dart Through The Heart

by NorthwesternInsanity



Category: Metallica, Music RPF, Winger - Fandom
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Crack Pairing, Darts, Drama, Forgiveness, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Plot Twist, Trauma, falling in love with the enemy - Freeform, lasting grudges, repairing damage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-04-06 18:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 74,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14062971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthwesternInsanity/pseuds/NorthwesternInsanity
Summary: Lars Ulrich thought it was all fun and games to look down on smaller bands -especially those that were classified as metal but nowhere near as heavy as Metallica. Little did he know that his infamous shots fired at Winger in the early 90s would bring about one of the craziest adventures of his life, as well as some strong feelings.





	1. Prologue: The Video

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Malivrag](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malivrag/gifts).



> Backed up from Rockfic as a contribution to Ficmas 2016. This story was written for Malivrag, who asked for a story where Lars Ulrich meets Kip Winger, and seeing his wit and kindness in person, finds himself falling in love, but has already screwed up by throwing darts at Kip's poster in the Nothing Else Matters video, and to make matters worse, Kip's guitarist, Reb Beach, hates Metallica with a passion. Thus, the resulting story of what he ended up doing about it. What was originally going to be a short crackfic outlined itself in a wild rollercoaster and adventure of a storyline to see if the pairing had a logical possibility to come together, and to this day, it is still one of my top favorites of the stories I have done.

_FLASHBACK 1990:_

"Lars! What are you doing, dude?" asked James.

They were shooting video for a documentary, and also what they were considering to include as clips in the music video for James' incredible composition: Nothing Else Matters.

"Shooting darts, what does it look like?" replied Lars sarcastically. He pulled a dart out of what James could recognize as the poster of some guy from one of those hair bands that claimed to be metal but were just pop trying to be metal when compared to the likes of Metallica's heavy thrash.

"Wait, let me see, who is that?" asked James, starting to chuckle as he made his way over.

Lars cackled, pulling another dart out, and then pointed to the poster, which had plenty of dart holes through it. "It's Kip Winger, man! That guy -you know, they think they're so tough, having no makeup, exposing lots of body hair, advertising themselves as metal -they're really just the same as those pop-oriented glam and hair acts. Melodic metal my ass! It's cheesy stuff!"

James laughed. "Oh Lars, you're killing me! That's perfect -yeah, they think they're all metal until they end up having to follow us at Monsters of Rock and end up looking like a bunch of wusses!"

A couple of years ago at Donington, they had performed, and it had been pretty pitiful when Dokken took the stage after them. They got sandbagged so badly -even Jason got a kick out of it and couldn't help but tease the situation -which wasn't usual. Jason usually refrained from heckling others, as he still got heckled quite a bit these days and knew it kind of sucked.

"Now that's something to contemplate -would Kip have been less or more likely to throw a fit in that situation?" asked Jason, piping up from the back of the room on the couch.

"Whether he threw a tantrum or not to the promotors or the press backstage, I bet he'd be whining like a little crybaby on the bus all night," said Lars snidely. And with that, he stood back, and threw the darts again.

The last dart landed right between Kip's eyes.

"Oh! Did you see that!" demanded Lars.

"YEAH!" snarled James.

"Take that, Kip... Take that." Lars muttered under his breath, chuckling as he went to retrieve the darts again.

Little did he know that several years later, he would severely regret his current mode of entertainment and biting words. 

_Two years later..._

Kip Winger awoke with a start.

_Brrrriiiiiiiiiiinnnng! Brrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnng!_

_Uh-oh._

Though it could have been by mistake, and Kip usually didn't try to expect the worst when it came to certain signs, to have somebody calling him before 11:00 in the morning was a rare thing, and usually it was even later before he would get calls. It was 6:45, and for him with the band lifestyle schedule, that was pretty early.

And usually, whenever a call came in that early in the morning and it wasn't a wrong number, it meant bad news, or it meant that one of his bandmates couldn't sleep, was in a bad mood, and was about to go on a rant about it to him.

Slightly annoyed, but hoping it was the latter of the two, Kip reached out for the nightstand and retrieved the phone from its hook. At least there was a chance that the rant coming up would be funny, and he'd at least get a laugh out of being woken up before a more preferable hour.

It wasn't.

"Hello?"

"Kip, you gotta turn on your TV right now and get a load of this..."

"Reb? Jesus Christ, man, what the hell are you doing up this early?" Kip sat up sluggishly, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head. Reb didn't sound too happy, and that he'd been the one to make the call was even more suspicious.

"Just turn your TV on to MTV, and watch. Quickly."

Kip extracted himself from his bed, realizing he wasn't going to be able to hang up and go back to sleep a while longer when the call was over. Going to turn on the TV, he flipped it to the channel with MTV, and saw a video playing. Metallica.

"It's a Metallica video, Reb. Why? I thought you hated them," puzzled Kip. He really didn't get what had the guitarist so riled up. Albeit, when Reb got upset, he could get pretty hot and bothered if whatever triggered him hit just right.

"Oh I do hate them, and if you think I hated them before, you'd better believe it now. I saw it last night, and I'm so pissed off -goddammit, Kip, I couldn't sleep all night and could barely sit on my hands. They're playing it again, and you gotta see it -ugh! I want to knock that Danish drummer in the mouth-"

"Reb! Chill. It's just a music video." Kip sighed. Reb could probably hear him rolling his eyes through the phone.

"Watch." Reb's voice was stern, lacking emotion of any type. That was rare for him, and a sign that something was really wrong.

Kip watched. Jason Newsted playing basketball outside of a building. The guys playing on a pool table. The guys in the studio recording, Bob Rock in front of a mixer...

"Reb, I don't get it -what's the big to do?" demanded Kip, starting to get impatient.

"Right here coming up -look at that! Do you see that?!" demanded Reb.

Kip watched, seeing Lars Ulrich on the screen. It was very fast -less than three seconds. But it seemed an eternity as he suddenly realized what had Reb going bonkers.

Lars. Holding darts. Pulling darts out of a poster of some long-haired rock star, standard 80s appearance. Laughing.

And it only took Kip half of those mere seconds to realize who that rock star portrayed on the poster was.

He went silent.

"Kip? Are you still there?" asked Reb. "Damn it!"

As Reb got more furious, knowing his long-time friend and bandmate was getting hit with a hard surprise and experiencing the impact, Kip stood in silence, just trying to make sense of the situation.

He didn't hate any of the guys in Metallica. He was angry, but not launch-through-the-ceiling angry, and he wasn't sure if he was really hurt aside from his pride. He really didn't even know how to describe what he did feel. It was some form of bewilderment. What did he ever do to Lars Ulrich? When did this happen? Why? Why did Lars do it, and why above all those things did they have to include it in a music video for the world to see?

And how in the world would everyone watching MTV and seeing the implied statements this gesture made react?

"Kip, are you alright?" asked Reb.

Kip hesitated a second, pulling his thoughts together. Okay, Lars had something negative to think about him. So what? Who cared what Lars thought? Who was Lars in his world? It was really what other people were going to think and how they would react. And how it would impact them all as a band. Although he always liked to think positive and not worry about things until they happened, Kip had a pretty good hunch that this wasn't going to lead to anything good, given how massive Metallica was, and how other topics in pop culture were already making fun of him and his band. Metallica's input would just validate it.

"Me? Personally? I am fine," spoke Kip firmly, sounding calm and assertive, wanting Reb to calm down and stop worrying about his damaged pride. That was something he could assess on his own.

"Kip?"

"I don't know why he did it or what I ever did to him, but whatever he thinks of me, I personally do not care. You do not need to worry about me with this -I, contrary to what some may think, can handle getting shoved around now and then. It's not like I haven't before."

Kip paused, sighed, and then, his tone softened to one that sounded less confident. Almost defeated. He could practically imagine Reb's heart sinking with it.

"However... As a band, our image, and what people are going to perceive of this? Man, Reb, I hate to say it. But unless some miracle happens, we're fucked."

There was silence on the other end of the line for a second.

Then, Reb just gave a very huffy, dramatic sigh that just exuded being pissed off.

Kip really didn't want this to escalate any further. He wanted Reb to calm down, and he wanted to forget that not-quite-three-second-long clip in the video even existed.

"Alright, Reb, you know what? Forget it. Just forget it. We're gonna go about things as if that video never happened, we're going to continue writing songs, making music, and touring, we're going to have fun doing it, and we're going to show everyone out there that we don't care what Metallica thinks, regardless of how big they are. And hopefully they'll pick up on that and continue as if it never happened too. And if it doesn't, then we'll cross that bridge and figure out what to do when we get to it."

And so the next time the band met up with each other, even though there was tension and everyone knew about the video, nobody said a word about it. They were going to pretend it never happened. And hope that the fan base would forget it too.

Unfortunately, they didn't. And it would ultimately lead to a breakup in 1994.

And when that happened, Reb Beach swore that he hated Lars Ulrich with a passion for it, and that he would never give Lars a chance to damage Kip again.


	2. Festival of Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars runs into Kip at a festival in 1993 -literally -a year before the breakup of Winger. He's not sure what to make of Kip, but he sees Kip is nothing like he thought him to be, and is beginning to feel ashamed of his actions. He also realizes that a certain guitarist hates him with a passion. But will he ever see Kip again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still set within the timespan, and part of the prologue

_1993_

It was another one of _those_ festivals. Oh, how Lars just hated having to play around the bands that thought they could be anywhere near as heavy as Metallica -it always made for a boring time after their performance. That was, with the exception of seeing how people reacted in comparison. He wondered who would have to follow them this time and get sandbagged. He hoped it would be somebody even more deserving of the ridicule than Dokken had been in 1988 at Donington.

Metallica was still in wild demand from fans following the release of their self titled album, which had been informally dubbed "The Black Album." It encompassed a bit more creativity with some tracks such as Nothing Else Matters and The Unforgiven, but still retained their signature heaviness with tracks like Enter Sandman. If the crowd had been crazy for them back in 88', then they were going to be twice as wild today. 

Kirk and Jason were running frantically about the backstage area outside the tent which accommodated Metallica's equipment and dressing room, busy entertaining fans who had come by. It seemed it was always the guitarist and bassist with the goal each time to acknowledge as many of those fans as possible. 

James, on the other hand, could hardly have been bothered and was currently going about his routine of chugging alcohol and getting wild as possible before the show. Lars was pleasantly intoxicated, but not too impaired to perform or carry himself, as he preferred to be at such large festivals. After meeting briefly with a few fans whom had approached him without acting completely off their rockers, Lars decided he'd had enough of the meet and greet craze. There was something about having a whole bunch of things -scraps of paper, articles of clothing and whatnot -shoved at him along with pens and the demand of signature. That, and the shouting, shoving, and freaking out around him from people much taller, getting in close and claustrophobic. It simply made Lars' head spin -the world went hazy and his eyes didn't quite focus.

Breaking away, he went about his preferred routine of looking about the place, seeing if he could spot any members of other bands to find out who was there. In just a couple of minutes, Lars' vision was sharper and he had sense of his connection to the ground. Eagerly, he ducked between tents and stands, navigating the masses of the festival quickly to prevent getting swarmed again, and hurriedly glancing side to side at his surroundings for anything interesting or concerning.

He'd gotten a fair distance -to another group of band and equipment tents, curious to see who might be there. Then, briskly rounding the corner from behind one of the tents, Lars stopped short with a gasp as he nearly ran smack dab into another person, and dropped the set of drumsticks he was holding. Why he'd carried them with him from backstage wasn't clear to Lars. It had been an absentminded action to not set them down, and now all they'd done for him was make him look even more of a clutz than only running into someone alone.

Cheeks flushing bright red, Lars bent down to pick up his sticks, letting his hair fall forward over his face to cover some of the blaze.

"Damn it! I'm sorry, I should fockin' watch where-"

"Hey, I'm fine. Are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you." It was a very soft voice, but one with a rather flat, plain accent. Lars thought it had a gentle edge to it. He sighed with relief, noting that whoever this person was wasn't too upset with him. Then again, he figured that since most of the people here were likely coming for Metallica, as long as he played it cool, they probably wouldn't be upset anyhow.

"Yes, I'm okay, don't worry about it." Lars stood up, and came face to face with another man. He had a familiar face framed with brown curls split in the front by a cowlick and a light stubble. His eyes had a sharp contour, and were a piercing shade somewhere between blue and green.

And then there was an ever so slight change in the man's expression. Lars suddenly realized who it was with a massive double take, which he hoped hadn't been too noticeable, though it would be a lot to ask.

Lars had just literally run into Kip Winger, the man whom he'd shot darts through in a music video. A flash of adrenaline coursed through Lars' veins, and every muscle in his body was itching with the desire to turn and run away. But the place was crowded as could be, and there really wasn't anywhere to go hide at an outdoor festival. Not that he couldn't handle this. He braced himself.

"Well, hello Lars," greeted Kip.

Wait, a proper greeting rather than annoyance?

"Um, hi," started Lars. "Kip Winger, right?"

Kip nodded. "Indeed. So you all are headlining here today, I see."

"We are." _Where is he going with this? Am I in trouble here, or am I off the hook?_

"That's good. I hear you all are having a lot of success with your latest album. That's good for you all." 

Lars had a feeling he knew why Kip was mentioning their album. Why was he not going to the topic of the video though? What was he trying to do? For sure, if Kip had mentioned the album, he knew of the video. And if Kip knew of the video, there was no way he wasn't upset about it. It was beyond Lars how Kip seemed so easy going right now, and almost respectful of Metallica's achievements despite it.

"It's been great. You guys performing here too, I take it?" asked Lars.

"Right after you all. Would have rather had it closer to the end, or before, but the world sometimes turns a different direction than what you plan on," said Kip. "Still, life goes on, we'll still go onstage and have fun. As long as it works out, it's no big deal."

Lars blinked, taking a small step back. Kip was so easy going, calm, and polite -not at all how he'd imagined his personality. Then again, he didn't match up to Metallica -but he didn't seem like the whiny, full of himself person that Lars had imagined him to be. Lars bit his lip, wondering if he'd judged him too quickly based on other singers he'd met from that glam and hair metal sector.

He was unsure, but it seemed that part of him wanted to get to know Kip better.

"Well, um, that's nice. I hope you all do enjoy it," said Lars, looking down to the ground, unable to figure out why he felt so awkward.

Kip raised an eyebrow conspicuously, but he gave a small smile. Not a full fledged one, but a simple, natural one that showed his teeth.

_Good lord, his eyes with that smile..._

"Thanks, Lars. You all enjoy your performance too. I need to get back to my tech and setting up here. See you later, I guess -if that happens."

Lars wondered if Kip hadn't meant to say "see you later" and if he'd said it out of habit, especially given his quick turnaround on it. Though, for some odd reason, Lars felt he wouldn't entirely mind seeing Kip again later -he actually wanted to. He couldn't quite figure out why, but he definitely was interested in Kip.

He was realizing, inside, that Kip Winger was a very kind, good natured person who was extremely dedicated to what he did, and there was something refreshing about that, especially with how easy it was to lose that sight within the industry. Lars admittedly found this admirable.

He hesitated moving on, wishing to stay where he was and wait to see if Kip would come back around, and if they could maybe talk more.

However, Lars then startled, realized where he was -around Winger's area. If James saw him here, he'd never hear the end of it. James would think he'd just about lost his marbles. And what would other people think too? Metallica didn't mix their image with bands like Winger. He had to get away.

At a light jog, Lars began hurriedly making his way past the tent which Winger had their equipment under, turning in the direction of where he'd come from.

But before Lars could get away, somebody caught his arm. Resisting the urge to yelp, Lars whirled around gasping, his face going pale. He looked up to face a man who had a guitar strapped around his body. His eyes blazed with anger out from under a huge mass of thick, long curls. That had to be Reb Beach.

"Don't even try it," Reb snapped.

"What?"

"I said _don't. Even. Try it!_ " Reb was visibly shaking with fury. His voice was strained, he was breathing heavily, and Lars couldn't tell for certain under all those curls, but he sounded as if he might cry. Then again, it was probably just because he was insanely angry.

"You think you can turn around and play nice at Kip after what you did," Reb panted. "But there were people out there who know the truth about you. And Kip does too. Kip won't jump all over you, because he's a good hearted, easy going person. I'll bet you didn't even know, because you think whatever you want about people without giving them a chance. You don't care who you hurt. And I'll be damned if I let you have the chance to ridicule him again! You can go away -get back to your own band and continue acting like careless fools who are above everyone. But just you wait until it backfires one day!"

Lars held up a finger, his internal burning temper making its appearance on his face as the paleness quickly flushed red hot.

"Now look, you fockin' busybody, who do you think you are? You haven't got a single bit of control over what I do, and-"

Lars had to stop and duck quickly as out of nowhere, Reb threw a fist in his direction so forcefully that he could hear the whoosh of the air around it.

He stopped and stared incredulously at Reb, who was hyperventilating ever so slightly and flushed with rage.

"What the fock is wrong with you, dude?!"

Before Reb could reply, there was a call from around their stage.

"Reb, where'd you go off to? We're making sure our rigs are hooked up right and not interfering with each other -get back here!" Paul Taylor, of course.

Reb shook his head. "You lucky, obnoxious, heartless son of a bitch," he growled indignantly before walking away.

Disoriented, Lars made several quick glances around himself. Nobody seemed to be standing and staring or looking in his direction as if they'd seen his altercation with Reb, but Lars shuddered under the burning of a thousand invisible eyes. He quickly turned on his heels and got the heck out of dodge, high tailing it for their tent behind the stage.

That was way too weird. Too weird for comfort. What was all that? And what was up with Reb? Lars had always heard it suggested around that Reb was a bit shy and generally didn't approach others in an aggressive manner.

_He must have a protective side for Kip_ , figured Lars.

But what did Reb having a protective side have to do with anything when Kip at least didn't seem to have a problem approaching him? Kip had been calm and fearless. That was impressive to Lars too. Very few musicians he'd encountered had the nerve to speak casually with him. In the early days, he'd made a few other musicians flinch back from him. Today, Kip had been the one to make Lars flinch. And not very many people could make Lars Ulrich flinch.

Throughout the show, Lars drummed hard, loud, and on beat, but not in an inspired or focused way. His mind kept drifting to his encounter with Kip.

"We're at this huge festival, Lars, and you didn't sound with it. Why the fuck, Lars? I would think you of all people would insist on being on top of things at a time and place like this!" said James critically following the show in the changing tent.

Lars rolled his eyes. James was already hammered and had drunk at least twice, and likely more the alcohol than Kirk, Jason, or himself. Ordinarily, post show would have been Lars' optimal time to get sloshed, and with the thoughts running through his head that were too bizarre to sort out, it seemed like a good idea. Strangely; however, Lars found that he didn't want to. Instead, he waited the hour long period that Winger had, and went off in search of Kip.

He found Kip, though he first saw a guitarist -not Reb, but obviously from Winger -outside the tent with a guitar tech, motioning to his guitar, bent over, expression showing concern, and a bit of annoyance. Lars thought he heard the words "hit", "threw", and "rock" over the din of the surrounding chaos. Then Kip emerged from the tent, his gentle expression falling into one of concern as he bent down and assessed the damage to the guitar himself. He placed his hand on the shoulder of his bandmate, and Lars could see by Kip's direct eye contact and body language that he was trying to say something positive and reassure him not to worry and that the guitar would be okay. A second later, the guitar tech picked up the guitar, and the guitarist followed him inside.

When Kip stood up, his eyes met Lars'. Lars started to walk forward, but Kip already was.

"So, you're back again, I see. How'd the performance go?" asked Kip.

"Same as any usual one, it seems. Eventful, but nothing radically different aside from being at a festival rather than an arena or standard amphitheater." Lars shrugged. "Yours went alright, hopefully?"

Kip tried to smile softly, but Lars could see a little bit of disappointment, and something else he couldn't quite read. There was almost a hint of sadness in his eyes, and Lars found himself looking down to keep from staring at them, a weird pang in his heart.

"Seemed there were a lot of fans out there, but there were also some who weren't so much into it. I guess one person wasn't happy to be out there, because they threw a rock onstage, and it hit and left a ding in the surface of my friend Paul's guitar, and also damaged one of the pickups."

"Oh," said Lars, his prediction as to what had happened confirmed. "Uh, I'm sorry to hear that-"

"His guitar is okay -the pickup is a simple fix," said Kip. "I'd rather it be the guitar than the keyboard, because we don't have a backup for that. It's a festival, and sometimes these things just happen. I get that not everyone is here to see us with all the bands that are here, and unfortunately, sometimes a few of those people in the crowd prove to be difficult. But there are fans here that do make it worth it."

Lars tried to come up with a response, but Kip continued before he could.

"Well, Lars, thank you, anyhow. It's been... nice meeting you, though we'd best start packing up." Kip paused oddly. He was just as stumped by Lars' odd behavior around him as Lars was stumped by how different Kip was than he'd expected.

"Okay, then. Goodbye." Lars walked away once again, feeling the environment turn awkward. Kip still didn't act mad at him, but with how his mood had turned, Lars could tell Kip wasn't entirely happy with the audience's lack of respect -which hadn't been helped by Metallica. And even if Lars hadn't ever done anything to ridicule Winger in the past, he wouldn't expect Kip to feel very conversational after having had rocks thrown on the stage.

Maybe staying away as Reb had suggested was a good idea.

In any case, Lars also figured it was probably best that he let the dust settle before making any attempt to approach Kip again. It was a year after the release of the video, and if Reb was still upset, allowing more time to pass might allow his grudge to pass.

Lars wasn't the type to be patient. But he did remember Torben's words of advice when the band was first starting, just before the release of Kill Em All and before they had finished sorting out everything after Dave Mustaine's exile:

_Good things come to those who **wait**_.

Maybe he'd wait for Winger to come out with their next album and make a point of contacting Kip to congratulate them or say something nice. Something that would show that maybe he really hadn't meant being against the members of Winger the way he had in the video. He wasn't a fan of their music, but he'd done wrong to associate Kip as a person with the music and ridicule him specifically.

He could make note of Winger's record company and see about contacting Kip through them in about a year. 

_That'll give time for things to blow over,_ Lars thought to himself.

However, it was just slightly less than a year later that Lars had noticed that any mention of Winger and upcoming performances had completely dropped off the radar.

And then, James came busting into the studio doors one day, holding up a magazine.

"Hey Lars, guess who just broke up? I guess they couldn't even try to handle holding up to us in the metal world!"

_Oh, fock._

What had Lars managed to cause? Nothing good for Kip and his band, nor anything good for his intention to come back in contact with Kip.

On the outside, Lars pretended he was happy about it, and continued to superficially make fun of the glam metal sector. However, on the inside, he was beginning to question it. He felt there really wasn't such a big deal about the video for Nothing Else Matters -it wasn't like Metallica was the only source to have ever poked fun at Winger, and by chance, he could have just as easily done it to another glam band, and might have. But a pang of guilt did hit his chest for a brief moment upon James' announcement.

Despite the lesser response to Load a couple of years later, Lars felt happy with it, and considered it Metallica's departure from their regular style, a more creative sound in a way that was almost a nod to those bands like Winger. He hoped that somewhere, Kip would take note. And secretly hoped that one day they would be able to come into contact again.

Nobody knew his hidden fascination.

And Lars did not know that one day, Kip's words "see you later" would indeed become a reality.

However, it would be a long, long wait before they would. A long wait full of lots of painful, stressful times for the members of Metallica in which a lot of actions, including Lars', did backfire.


	3. The Memory Remains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars does some sneaking around a performance venue hours before a show while under disguise, and ends up discovering Kip in a question and answer session. Old memories come back, and he realizes that some feelings from the past are still there -only stronger.

_Present Day:_

"Another round of five shows around Vegas after all these years, and we're still going strong!" declared James. 

Metallica had just landed in Las Vegas, and were currently loading up their vans to drop stuff off at the hotel and start setting up the venue in which they had a show tonight. Everything had just come through baggage, and the crew had gotten their cargo through too with all accounted for -a perfect scenario.

"Five shows, and a whole week here, leaving us some time for fun too," added Kirk, the corners of his mouth turning up in a grin.

Though Metallica still didn't often leave gaps between locations and shows for the sake of time and keeping a tour ongoing as long as possible, everyone in the band agreed that sometimes having a chance to hang out in the towns they were in and some time to relax was a good thing. And with all the attractions in big cities such as Las Vegas, what better place to do it?

However, a stray from the schedule on the itinerary to avoid a storm delay coming in from California had Kirk, Lars, James, and Robert having to consider ideas for a time check to get back on track with it.

"So they managed to get us on an earlier flight last night at the last minute, which means we're here four hours early from the itinerary. What should we do?" asked James. "The earliest we can check in at the hotel is in two hours."

"Don't we have to pass the venue to get to the hotel? The crew is following us in the van, and nobody has a show today before us in the big concert hall, so maybe we should stop there to let the crew unload our equipment to make it easier when we come back. There's no reason to have them haul it all the way to the hotel and back if we have time for them to put it there early," said Kirk, pitching in with his suggestion. "That won't kill much time, but it will be productive. Especially since we'd end up sitting in the hotel parking lot for two hours until check in time otherwise."

"Probably not a bad idea. It's not efficient for those vans to haul heavy stuff any further than need be," agreed Lars. "That works. I know James, you wanted to scout the place out, so maybe we can call the crew and let them know, and we'll spend an hour and a half or so there just to pass some time. It's not much, but we don't want to wait until the last minute either."

"Yeah! I like it!" James gave a thumbs up and snarled his response in his signature way -a definite sign of approval.

"Sounds like a good plan," said Rob.

"Alright, everyone's in agreement, so that's what we'll do. James, you tell our van drivers that we're stopping there for a couple of hours first, and I'll go tell the crew." Lars headed off in the direction of the equipment van, deciding that it was best to take action while everyone was on the same page rather than waiting for other arguable ideas to pop up. That was just one of Metallica's ways of avoiding conflict after all the hell back in the early 2000s.

Luckily, all went smoothly relaying the information to the crew and coming to agreement. As usual with any road crew, the notion of getting some tasks done early and having extra time was enthusiastically welcomed. Within fifteen minutes, the rest of the equipment and belongings were loaded into vans, and Metallica and their crew were on their way downtown to their venue.

Said venue was a performance hall with multiple accommodations, but it was also connected to a casino, which was partnered to a resort adjacent to the complex. Needless to say, Kirk, James, and Rob were attracted by the idea of playing to pass their time. 

"Hey, this _is_ Vegas! You knew we were going to do it at some point in our free time, and opportunity knocks," declared James.

"We're constrained by the schedule too on how long we can stay, so we won't spend more time than we should on it this way," said Kirk.

Lars could agree to both statements; however, he honestly didn't feel in the mood for it. After a lot of rushing to make sure everything was in order the past few days, he really wanted to relax. He wanted peace and quiet, and to not be in such a noisy area. Having some time to himself didn't seem like a bad thing either. He was in a thick jacket, sunglasses, and hat for travel, and while it was harder for him to not be figured out when he was with his bandmates, alone, Lars was pretty well disguise while incognito. Unless some really obsessed fan could figure it out by his height and lower facial structure alone. Lars wasn't too worried about that right now. He'd be far more likely to run into one of those in the casino than walking around less crowded areas of the building.

After a moment, he made up his mind what to do.

"You know what? I'll meet up with you guys at the time the itinerary says at the vans. I actually feel like going for a walk around the place, to see what's going on, you know?"

"That's fine, Lars," said James dismissively. "See you then." 

He wasn't concerned. Lars had always been the type to go take walks around venues and look around from the early days

"Later, Lars," said Kirk, already headed off with Rob.

Lars shrugged and headed off toward the concourse that tracked through the building, connecting to each part. On one end was the large casino and resort part, where his bandmates were now entertaining themselves. On the other end was the full sized concert hall which they would play tonight for thirty thousand people. But in the middle were several rooms -dressing rooms for other performance wings, ball rooms, conference rooms, smaller concert halls -all kinds of spaces for performing arts right off the concourse.

In his curious state of snooping around, Lars looked in the narrow, vertical windows on each door of the performance areas to see if anything was going on. He listened for the sound of any other performers, cupping his ear and leaning in toward the doors. Most of the events going on were private and the doors were shut so that he could not go in. But that didn't mean Lars couldn't check things out from the hall, which was his full intention. He wasn't entering private events which he was not a part of; nobody had a reason to stop him.

So Lars continued meandering down the concourse, allowing his mind to run idle aside from when sounds from his surroundings caught his attention. It was nice to cut off the thoughts that constantly ran through his head about what was coming up. They were almost as loud and distracting, and likely far more stressful and annoying than his tinnitus. Lars smirked. In the past week he'd almost forgotten what his tinnitus sounded like, and he was almost happy to hear it.

Little did he know he'd soon land himself with a whole new set of chronic running thoughts in his mind that would be just as, if not more impossible to shut up.

The sound of murmur within an audience, and a few voices over microphones down the hall finally snapped Lars out of his internal silence, scattering his peaceful, daydreaming state. He squinted and shook his head to place himself back into reality and listened carefully. It sounded like the pattern of a band having a press conference, or a question and answer session with an audience prior to a show that would occur later in the day.

One of the voices answering the questions was distinctly unique in a way which caught Lars' ear. Not because it was incredibly expressive, loud, or jarring, but rather quite the opposite. It was a flat sort of drawl -plain, low, and similar to that of what one would expect to hear from someone from the middle of the western United States. Some place like South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, or Wyoming. Or maybe Colorado? 

Lars listened carefully. That drawl along with the flat, plain accent led him to conclude it was probably Colorado above all the other states grouped in that region. Nevertheless, it was quite calming to listen to, and oddly familiar, though he couldn't quite place it. He followed the sound down the concourse until he found the hall in which the meeting was underway. It was a press-conference and question-answer session open to the public, according to a sign. Which meant that Lars could conceivably go in.

Still listening closely, he heard another voice repeat a question which had just been asked prior to answering it so that everyone could hear.

"You say how long do we plan to have this tour last, and when will our next one be? Actually, that's a good question for us to think on too. We haven't really discussed that yet for sure, so we don't know."

So it was some band in there. Lars wondered who it might be.

Quietly, he slipped into the very back of the room against the wall, still near the door so that he could exit easily, deciding it would be interesting to watch and see who it was and what they had to say.

"Well, actually," started the flat, Midwestern accented voice, "as of right now, we've got the week we're staying here doing shows in this venue as stated, and we're leaving from here to go across the Northern part of the country, we'll hit up a few small towns and larger cities, we're stopping in Chicago, going to the East Coast to do Boston, New York, Baltimore, and working our way down the coast, and then going back across the south toward home. We started out in Colorado. You can check out our website -we have what we planned out, but the tour may not stop there. If turnout is good, we'll add more dates. If fans request it enough in a city, we'll see about making an appearance there. But a lot of it really comes down to how we feel as a band and how much fun we're having, because regardless of how many people show up each night, the most important thing we see is that we get there, and we're having fun onstage performing for you all and making our way out to the show, and that everyone who does show up has fun too. As long as it stays that way, we'll keep coming out."

Something about this answer seemed so genuine and eloquent. It seemed like something a long running band that was well known would say. A band that could stop, but chose not to because they truly enjoyed every aspect of it. Lars figured this had to be some very, very lucky band which had experienced little to no drama within or outside of it, and had been received well.

He'd simply been hanging out in the back, listening and not really looking, but out of curiosity, Lars looked to the front -where the band signs and the monitor to give a closer view of the members onstage, wanting to see just which band this was. Instantly, this decision proved his previous thought wrong, and gave him the shock of his life.

Lars blinked. _No, that's not it. I'm reading that sign wrong. Damn it, my eyesight is starting to go too. Wait, no, is it...?_

After twenty years of hardly any contact except one very brief and awkward encounter, Lars had long since forgotten the possibility of seeing _him_ again.

He was definitely quite different in appearance from the 80s. No longer did he have wild, curly, light brown hair or the crazed 80s look of ripped tank tops and lots of necklaces. He wore glasses, and his hair was colored a very dark shade of brown that looked black except for where the light reflected, and a highlight to complement the distinctive cowlick which flipped his hair to the sides in front. Lars might have been able to deny the name on the sign, until he examined in the monitor the eye contour of the man. Same as ever in the 80s. Very distinctive. And in this moment, despite being through a screen which they could not actually see, Lars felt as though they were looking at him and able to see right through.

The man with that flat accent who spoke so eloquently was none other than Kip Winger! And he was up onstage with his bandmates. The band in question was Winger.

_Kip focking Winger! I should have recognized that accent..._

He didn't think he could approach Kip again, given what Winger had been through up until their reunion. That in combination with all the disgraceful events from 2000 to 2004 with Metallica made Lars certain that Kip wouldn't be quite so open to him as he had been back in '93. He had seen Kip once, in 2012, but this fear had led him to run away before Kip could say anything to him with the help of his bodyguard. Despite still burning to jump up and high tail it out of the hall, Lars also felt glued to the spot, quite hypnotized by Kip's responses. He wanted to hear what Kip said. At least he was in the back of the room. Sunk down in his chair and incognito, it was unlikely Kip could see him. He wouldn't know that Lars was there, secretly listening in.

Just then, another question came in from an audience member closer to the front.

"Do you guys ever find it difficult getting good turnout at concerts still after the ridicule and other things way back when?"

Lars noticed the other band member who had answered -he looked like Reb Beach, but Lars couldn't tell, as he looked quite different with his long hair straightened rather than it's wildly permed late 80s appearance -clenched a fist under the table, and his expression changed to a rather tensed one. Beside him, under the table to keep it discreet as possible, Kip held out his hand, only his index finger extended as if to silently warn him to calm down and leave it alone.

"You know, we saw it to a point in the 90s, but I think we let it get to us more than it mattered. But there was some tension, and we had other things we wanted to explore -so we took a break, and we came back together because all things considered, we have too much fun doing this together, just like I said before, to stop doing this over something like that. We still have fun performing. I think we realized when we came back that we did honestly miss this. And all that stuff, it's in the past now. It doesn't matter, because we still have a lot of awesome fans out there who show up, we have fun, we're inspired -we may not tour extensively or as long as we used to at a time, but we still have every reason that does matter to keep performing." Kip had a subtle smile as he answered this question, despite the weight of the question. Another thing unchanged.

"We don't have to fill a sports arena to have a good audience and feel that it was worth it. _This_ here is worth it," added another one, which Lars could not tell who it was. It was either the drummer or other guitarist, and Lars had never paid enough attention in the past to remember their names.

"It is," cut in Kip. "And to clarify what Rod just said there, I think what we've found is that there is a lot more advantages to an audience below arena size. Because when we fill up an auditorium like the one we're playing tonight, we can't brag that we're playing for twenty-five, thirty-five, fifty or so thousand people. But what we do know is the people out there are true fans who really are interested, and not just coming out to see a highly recognized band."

Lars felt a weird sensation in his gut -a familiar one which he hadn't felt in a while, and it gave him the desire to squirm. A lot of mixed feelings he wasn't quite sure what to make of were flooding back to his mind. He'd noted a slight melancholy tone to Kip's voice when he mentioned how things fell apart in the 90s, though it was so faint under that accent it was almost impossible to notice without very carefully studying it, as Lars had been. But in the end, Kip was so positive about it, just as he had been when Lars had talked to him as things were likely already beginning to crash down around Winger. Kip still seemed to really enjoy where he was, with his words and his smile -he hardly seemed damaged by it all now. And there really was a lot of truth to the smaller audience and what it meant. Lars had never really considered that part of it. He'd only ever considered the number of fans that showed up.

He would have stayed longer to continue listening in on what else was to be said, but noticing his watch as he looked down from the monitor in thought, he realized he had ten minutes before he had to meet the van.

_Fock, what is this? It's like I feel dizzy or something_. Too many thoughts swirling in his head. Maybe it was best he left anyway; his mind had a lot to process after that. It was too weird seeing Kip so unchanged over the years, and once again, getting a strong hold on his mind.

Cautiously and stealthily, Lars slipped out the door, walking down the rest of the concourse without looking through any other doors. He simply tried to clear his thoughts, taking deep breaths. Yet he still felt dizzy, with a weird twisting feeling in his stomach. Twisting, yet light and airy. It was beyond him what had caused it -almost some spell of mild shock.

He still was shocked into an awkward silence after another ten minutes when he climbed into the van with Kirk to the hotel to put their overnight gear away and get ready to come back for sound check and show preparation.

"You alright, Lars?" Kirk asked, raising an eyebrow. He noticed that Lars looked a bit off. He was pale in the face, and had a look of mild confusion.

"Yeah," said Lars, quiet in volume for him. "Just tired. I think I'll feel better when we get onstage tonight and the adrenaline gets going."

Kirk looked a bit skeptical, but didn't argue it as usual. "Alright. If you start feeling sick or something though, tell one of us."

Lars just nodded and turned to gaze out the window of the van, lost in thought. His thoughts continued well after the time at which both vans arrived at the hotel, and he had gotten his luggage to his room, was unpacked, and had showered. All he could think of was what he'd seen and heard in that auditorium of Kip.

His perception of Kip was almost of what it was when they'd talked in '93 -just stronger. Not being intoxicated as he had been then, he could put a finger on the definitive features which had captured his attention then, rather than them all blurring together. Lars actually found it rather attractive, the way Kip spoke and articulated his thoughts. It was also attractive, the way he gave that very subtle smile to each person in the audience he answered to -almost too subtle to see, but it was there and very inviting. These things combined indeed made Kip seem very attractive as a whole, a person, to Lars.

Lars wasn't feeling that way though. No, he wasn't. That was absurd, especially with so much time passed.

But then why was his heart fluttering? Why did he have this strange feeling in his chest right around his heart that oddly enough felt kind of good?

Lars tried to recapture when he was in the back of the room, watching Kip speak, as well as what he could remember of their encounter at the festival. As he did, the sensation got stronger, especially remembering how Kip's eyes in the monitor had stared right through him.

Which could only mean...

_Shit._

Somehow, Lars had just developed a major crush on Kip Winger. 

_Or maybe..._ Lars struggled to think back to the mixed feelings he'd had after that festival show, and when James had announced Winger's breakup. 

No, he'd had one since '93. The awkwardness of the situation then, as well as the separation following it had made it easy to deny and push to the back of his mind. This had triggered it come back to him stronger than before. It would be a lot harder to ignore now, and there was no way in his mind he could see to approach Kip. Especially after what he'd done years ago-.

Lars' flow of thoughts cut off, and before he could stop himself, he swore aloud:

"Fock!"

It was precisely that moment in which Lars realized without the slightest denial from before that shooting those darts at Kip's poster was a big mistake. It wasn't simply a gesture that was made wrong, or just going along with the trend of the thrash metal sector; it was a mistake. Actually, that was his first big mistake in a series of big mistakes. The second had been encouraging that it be included in the video, and recruiting James to back him up on it -something that wouldn't be argued with. The third was actually including it and airing it like that. Those three big mistakes put together, and he had fucked up. He had _royally fucked up._

And now not only was he turning into some pathetic, lovesick puppy inside over this man he'd insulted in every way possible years ago and ignored his feelings for, but he was up against any grudges held by him and his bandmates -which Lars was sure were plenty. With a changed perspective from his heyday in the 90s, he knew that those grudges hadn't faded with time -especially if it had contributed to a breakup. Not to mention Reb's fist under the table. Was Reb still mad? He hoped that was triggered by a combination of things, but Lars groaned as the bad feeling that Reb had an edge of anger still on him settled.

Now what was he supposed to do?

Lars, though he did have a tendency to make a fool of himself -as he had years ago -also had a tendency to be pretty intuitive and clever when it came to figuring out ways to manage tough situations and work through things. Hell, he'd been the one holding Metallica together during the months following Cliff's death.

But right now, he was pacing around his hotel room, kicking at the carpet, and stumped.

And it spoke worlds as to just how taken by this forgotten crush he realized he was becoming when he found himself considering seeking assistance after half an hour without a single resolute thought. He hated to ask for help, especially for embarrassing matters like these, but this was going to drive him crazy if he didn't do something.

_I need to talk to somebody. Somebody who can give me some advice how to clean up the mess I made, and how to approach them and start over. Somebody who's not going to take the situation as a joke, and really listen to me seriously._

James was simply out of the question. Especially since he'd been active with attacking Kip's image along with Lars -even if not in the form of darts through a poster.

No way was he asking anyone outside of his own band! This was awkward enough as it was, and bringing someone else into it would just make it worse.

That left him two options: Kirk and Robert.

Kirk was a good friend of Lars. They'd known each other for years. Kirk, being very shy and with a definite sweet side always proved to be the understanding type who would listen very thoroughly to what everyone had to say. Heck, during the mess with James' rehab and the therapy back in the early 2000s, Kirk sat and patiently listened through painful yelling matches between Lars and James.

Even when Kirk had been so fed up that he sighed, rolled his eyes, or slapped his hand over his face, he never once said a direct nasty word over Lars and James fighting. He played quiet mediator, only stepping in when things were totally out of hand, or if he was prompted to. And he always seemed very hesitant to say anything negative.

But at the same time, Kirk was very shy, and though he was more assertive now than at that time, he still was always eager to please, and Lars feared that Kirk may not give the best advice. He'd instead be trying to give advice that Lars would be happier to hear, only considering the best case scenario. And there would be an awkward factor too. Because Kirk _had_ been in the band when Lars would bash Kip and his band. And he _did_ know that Kirk knew plenty about it, and would be puzzled as to what caused Lars to suddenly change his mind and end up so smitten when he'd hidden all evidence of their exchange at the festival.

Rob, on the other hand, though not having known Lars half as long as Kirk, had also proven to be a very loyal friend. Rob was a good listener, like Kirk, and a good mediator. He was not shy, but assertive. He wasn't afraid to say things that might not be the most favorable answer to the band. But he said it in ways that were well explained and justified, and he was always as polite as possible about it -never rude. He made sure to put emphasis on the positives, he was always willing to pitch in with his own ideas and contributions, but also willing to compromise. He was kind, fun loving, and a great person in general.

And, Rob was also a neutral party. He hadn't been in the band when Nothing Else Matters was being written and all those clips were filmed. Rob wasn't the type who was going to judge Lars or anyone else in the band for the things they'd done when they were young and stupid. He was aware they'd made some major changes before he'd come into the band. And Rob had joined them with a fresh view, not perceiving them on the past, but of what he saw of them when he auditioned and was accepted, and the times together that followed.

Lars thought about the two. A long standing friend he could feel comfortable with, or a good friend who he could trust to be truthful and free of previous judgement.

After a few minutes, the answer came into his head. His inner conscious began firmly delivering orders to him:

_Get Rob!_

Lars opened the door of his hotel room, and looked out in the hall, seeing the coast was clear.

He could see that James and Kirk's doors were shut with the 'do not disturb' signs on the handle, but turned backwards to face the door and not be readable. That was their sign to each other that they were in their rooms alone, but were awake, and one could come in if they knocked. This was the best case, as if they had bolts thrown with the door open, then Kirk or James could have been with Rob at the moment, and Lars didn't want that. He wanted a one on one conversation. That way, at least if things did get awkward, only one person would bear witness to it.

He knocked on the door.

"Rob!"


	4. Hero of the Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars openly admits his feelings for Kip to Rob. Not only is Rob understanding, but Rob has an idea to help Lars try again with Kip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because Rob, not having been in the band at the time, is a neutral party, and deserves to be given his due as a good person (regardless of what the opinion of him on bass in Metallica is).

"Rob!"

Robert Trujillo sat up fast with a flinch from where he was on the couch watching television and dozing off in the quiet of the hotel room. Recognizing the voice which had broken him out of his zone, he groaned internally.

"Wonder who's in trouble or what's going on now," he murmured, getting up from the couch and traipsing across the room.

Rob slowly and cautiously opened the door a crack -just enough so that he could see Lars' face, and Lars could see his face. 

"Yes, Lars? Can I help you?"

Lars seemed to sigh huffily in a way that was a combination of relief and nerves.

"How you had any idea, I do not know, but that's exactly what I was hoping you could do."

_Oh, so Lars is asking for help with something_ , Rob realized, his face mirroring Lars' expression perfectly as he relaxed, but furrowed his eyebrows with disbelief. Lars Ulrich openly admitting the need for help?

Holding back a chuckle that rose to his throat, Rob opened the door all the way and stepped back.

"Come on in and sit down. Talk to me, and we'll see what we can come up with."

Gratefully, Lars walked in, and Rob closed the door. Lars sat down on the couch, releasing another sigh as the door closed. As long as he could remember to watch his volume, Kirk and James wouldn't have to know anything now.

"Whenever you're ready," Rob prompted, sitting down beside Lars and waiting expectantly.

"Alright -first of all, you have to hear me out all the way before making any judgements. Because I'm not sure what to make of this now and I definitely wasn't then, James is gonna throw a fit, Kirk is at least going to wonder what's gotten in my head -and I don't know how to answer that, and-"

"Whoa! Okay, Lars, stop the train," said Rob. "You have to tell me for me to help you, and if I'm going to help you, that implies I'm going to hold my judgement. You know I'm hardly in position to judge anyway. And if you don't want me to say anything to Kirk and James, I won't. You can decide when they find out, if they do."

"Well, my fear is I'm going to have to tell them at some point, but I don't know how to put this all together," said Lars.

"Just tell me and take your time, and we'll figure out what to do. I don't want to complicate it anymore than it is."

"Rob, you know how I decided to go walking around the venue and looking around at what was there and going on?"

"Yes?" Rob waited.

"As you know, they had multiple smaller performance areas, and there was an open press conference going on prior to a show going on in one of those, and I kind of sneaked in and sat in on it in the way back."

"So, who was it, and what's the 'BFD'?" asked Rob.

Lars' face twisted into the weirdest look he had ever made before cracking up so that he had to hold his stomach. He couldn't tell what the reason for Rob's sudden abstinence from swearing was, but the use of the acronym for "big fucking deal" was so bizarre that it struck him as hysterically funny. Recovering, he assumed that Rob had used it for the purpose of making him laugh, as he did feel slightly less nervous.

"Well, it is a _'BFD'_ in that it probably sounds weird as fock, but it was Winger. As in Kip Winger and his band."

Rob shrugged. "And what's the matter with that?"

"Rob, you know full well how Metallica is with those kinds of bands in the past -haven't you seen our video for Nothing Else Matters?"

Rob rolled his eyes. "And you know full well, Lars, that a lot of the attitude to those hair and glam bands, and those grouped in with them whether they really fit or not, was exaggerated and not true. The guys in Anthrax -even Slayer -I remember talking with them at Big Four. They'll be the first ones to say a lot of that was pretending to make a statement -we acted like we hated them all, but a lot of us did listen to and like them. They had a different style from us, and teasing them for not being nearly as heavy was an attention grabber back in the day. Pretty childish to be honest, but with the drugs back then, that kind of behavior was just a side effect of the excess. Bottom line, if you're saying you think you're developing an ear for Winger, that's not a problem."

"That's not the whole thing though, Rob. And yeah, I know full well about the attitude then, and some of it was stupid and immature. Fock -a lot of the stuff we did back then was stupid. But I legitimately didn't like Winger, and..." Lars trailed off, his words turning to murmured gibberish.

Rob gently prompted Lars. "And?"

"And, I was listening in on the responses and all, and Kip -he was really witty, he had a lot of thoughtful responses, and-" Lars stopped and repressed the urge to groan, feeling the sides of his face get burning hot and knowing he was blushing -big time.

"Do you like him?" asked Rob. Oddly enough, to Lars, he sounded as though he was asking a simple, innocent question. He knew where Lars was going by this point with the way he was acting and what he was saying, but there was no snide or teasing tone to his voice at all.

"The thing is, I saw him at a festival we played back in '93. And he -well, I ran into him not looking where I was going, but he was so polite and calm about it. He didn't even mention our video, he seemed so positive about being there, and he just seemed so dedicated and admirable. I felt bad about it. And well, um -I think... no, I do, Rob. I do. I liked him back then to be honest. I wished I could have seen him again, but they broke up and I shied away from the idea of it. I kind of forgot about a lot of it with the time, truth be told, but after today..."

"I don't think there's anything wrong with that Lars. Our perspectives change overtime from experiences, but that doesn't mean that all feelings change -you still like him, and that's fine. Question is, what do you want to do now? Not considering your previous encounters with Kip, would you like to try and see him, or let it go again?"

"I -um, I wish I could talk to him, Rob. But I don't know how to approach him, and I'm-"

"Because you have feelings for him in that kind of a way and he doesn't know, you're a bit embarrassed," said Rob, deducing it based on Lars' behavior.

"That, and there's no way Kip is going to talk to me now -good fockin' Christ, remember how we were around him a few years back and he tried to approach me? And I sicced our body guards on him so that he went away."

Rob looked at Lars again square in the eye, and this time was a little less gentle and more critical.

"Alright Lars. What on earth was Kip going to do to you of all people, when you know based on your actions in the past that he does not have the power to come after you without major backfire? Especially since he didn't do anything to you when you talked to him at the festival and the video release was fresh with him.

Lars shook his head. "He wasn't. Though when I saw him that time, his guitarist, um, he kind of did," murmured Lars. Being taken by Reb Beach; how embarrassing! "But Kip was alone that time a few years back, so I guess I didn't have to worry about that."

"So why'd you do it?"

Lars blushed. "Well, to think of it, I thought I knew what he was coming to talk to me about. I had a feeling he was trying to ask me why I did it. I guess that was kind of silly, since he didn't ask me the first time. But I was kind of nervous, after the time back then, and didn't know if he was more upset after the breakup.

"And why didn't you let him come up and ask you so that you could tell him and get it over with?" asked Rob.

"Because I really didn't have an answer to that question. Like I said, there really wasn't any reason for it other than the attitude that big bands like us had in that day and following the trend -stupid reason to give. And I don't kn- um..."

"Basically, you're saying that though you didn't think twice back then, and you didn't see any problem in it before you experienced that kind of downward slide in the early 2000s, now you know what it's like, and you're ashamed of it," stated Rob.

Lars stared at Rob for a second and then groaned.

"Well, you just about focking hit the nail on the head, and I couldn't even see it."

"You want my honest opinion?" asked Rob.

Lars looked up at Rob. "Sure."

"I think you should talk to him. Honestly, if he's scheduled to play different shows at that venue, and we're rehearsing there as well as doing our show tonight, there are plenty of opportunities for you to see Kip. If Kip has attempted to approach you in the past, he's not going to run from you. Like you said though, he's probably not going to come to you, because it didn't work the last time. You're going to have to go to him -and if you're able to swallow your pride, it's time for you to be honest and tell him that you regret it. You were ashamed of those to begin with then, and now you're not denying that it was wrong, and you know you like him. Seems like pretty good reason for it. If nothing else, you get it off your chest, and Kip gets closure to the whole thing."

"And what if he doesn't believe me?"

Rob looked Lars square in the eyes.

"Lars, you'd be surprised how far it would go. A little bit of humility goes a very, very long way. And from you, for you of all people to go to him and say it without anyone forcing you to do it or Kip coming to you? I think it'll say a lot more than just the words you put it in. Don't be forceful or pushy, just start by talking to him and taking out some of the old trash between us. I bet he'd appreciate it."

"Don't you think it's too late now?" asked Lars.

"Well, if Kip recently tried to approach you, wouldn't you think time's not an issue now? Lars, if time elapsed since the incident were such a big deal, he'd have expected it in the 90s when you saw him then. I don't think there's an x number of years he was demanding of an apology in. And if it doesn't work, then you haven't lost anything you had before. Try it."

"Not sure how-"

"Lars, I know that when you want to be, you can be adamant and stubborn about getting your way, so I think you need to take that attitude to making a point of talking to Kip, and tell whatever nervous thoughts you've got going that you're doing it regardless. Because if clearing the air is all that happens, it's still a good outcome. You have to see him and talk to him somehow -I can tell it's driving you crazy." 

Rob was clear in standing his ground. And though Lars wasn't sure how to go about doing it, he had to admit it was solid advice from all angles of perspective.

"Okay, Rob. I'll figure out something."

Rob nodded, and then he seemed to light up as if an idea hit him

"Hey, how about this? Let me look up," Rob paused and pulled his laptop out of his bag. "Let's see when they have their show scheduled. Since we're playing the full concert hall, and you said he's playing a smaller performance hall there, we might be arriving to set up while he's still performing or finishing up." Rob typed up a search on his laptop and investigated the situation.

"They are finishing about thirty minutes before we're scheduled to start arriving for our part of set up. Maybe, if you want to ride in the van with me, we can ask one of our drivers to take us a little bit early. That way, you have time to find Kip and possibly talk to him. And James won't have arrived yet, so it'll work out if you're still unsure about him finding out yet. We're the rhythm section, Lars, so for the drummer and bassist to arrive a little early together -it's not too suspicious."

Lars had to hold back another nervous bout of laughter. Not only was Rob giving him advice, but he was suggesting action plans to help him too? Why on earth hadn't he ever figured out this of Rob before, and why had he even hesitated while wondering who to ask?

"Damn it, Rob, you're the best," Lars chuckled, feeling awkward saying something like that so readily, but at this moment, he could have full-hugged Rob for how awesome he was in this moment. "Fock yeah, let's do it!"

Rob picked up his phone. "Okay, I'm dialing to request one of our drivers to take us early then. If you have trouble finding him and you want help, you can ask me. Otherwise, I'll set my stuff up early and I'll hang around the place out of your way." The phone began ringing as he sent the call, and a second later, their crew picked up.

Lars sat on the edge of the sofa, pressing a finger against his lower lip as he waited.

"...Sure, we can be there in an hour if you guys are ready for it."

An hour from now would give Lars more than half an hour's extra time.

"We'll be ready for you right then," said Rob, confirming it. Then he hung up. "Alright Lars, get yourself ready. I got us a ride there, and as much time as possible for you to find Kip."

Lars jumped up off the couch, preparing to get his gear bag from his room.

"Here goes nothing," he thought aloud as left Rob's room.

Of course, it was a lot more than nothing. Now if only the result of it would be a little more than nothing too.


	5. Easy Come, Easy Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars talks to Kip. Unexpected events happen -will this go anywhere good?

Just as Rob had predicted, he and Lars arrived at the venue an hour before the itinerary had them arriving, and with an hour before Kirk and James were to arrive.

"Ready?" asked Rob as Lars hopped out of the van.

"Yes in that I want to, no in that I'm nervous. Well, I guess that's as ready as I'll ever be, so I'll take it," said Lars.

"You said it -Kip's good natured. I don't think it's going to be as difficult talking to him once you get going," assured Rob. "Let's head inside and get to it."

Because they had arrived early, neither Rob nor Lars had their body guards on the scene. This meant that Rob would be staying with the crew backstage of their concert hall and laying low, and Lars would have to tread carefully until he made it back from talking to Kip -if he got to talk to Kip. 

_Shit, that's a big 'if',_ Lars thought to himself, feeling his heart speeding up with mild adrenaline. He couldn't believe he was actually going to do this.

Exiting the backstage area from which he and Rob had entered with the crew, Lars navigated the back hallway to the concourse. Once there, he looked around, focusing on his surroundings, trying to block out his internal thoughts in order to watch his back. Fans could be crazy -too crazy sometimes -and Lars was a little nervous being in a huge venue hooked up with a casino where all kinds of Metallica fans were. It was a lot more crowded than earlier, as lots of people were arriving for evening shows and activities, and the wide, glass walled concourse was not nearly as open or peaceful as before.

Picturing the last time he'd laid eyes on Kip in his mind, Lars knew it was just as well he was without a bodyguard even if it did mean having to keep an eye out for trouble. It would say more to Kip, coming to him undefended.

There might as well have been an invisible force pushing against Lars, getting stronger and stronger as he got closer. His feet felt heavy and he kept having to stop himself from turning around and going back. From leaving it alone and forgetting the whole thing. That had been the reason why he was in this position now, and going back would drive him crazy later. And his intention was the only reason he'd come early.

"Almost there," Lars whispered to himself, noting a sign directing to the backstage hall for Winger.

He could see through the window into the performance hall that the concert had just ended, and people were making their ways to the exits off the sides. Seeing the crowd approaching the door seconds away from filing out to the concourse in mass chaos, Lars ducked into the side door to the hallway. Hell no, was he going to get stuck in that mess. 

He could see the band heading from the stage exit to the dressing room through the hallway, backs turned to him as he let go of the door behind him.

Having a spring in the hinge, the door snatched back and shut behind Lars with a loud slam. The concrete floor and walls caught the sound, ricocheting it in echoes down the hall. Lars balked, scrunching up his face with exasperation, mouthing obscenities, and reflexively reaching his hands up to cover his ears for a split second, before looking up the hallway sheepishly, blushing. There was no way that somebody hadn't heard that. 

Most of the guys kept walking, heading through the door, but just then, the one at the back stopped before the doorway, then turned around as soon as he was alone. Kip. 

It was as if he'd known Lars was there, waiting for his bandmates to go inside the dressing room first. Lars felt a wave of dizziness like earlier, and he wanted to sink down through the floor, seeing Kip look ahead incredulously, then slowly take a pace forward. Shaking his head and willing himself, Lars walked forward, continuing toward Kip rather than waiting once again for Kip to get to him.

"Lars," said Kip, raising an eyebrow and nodding as they came within a few feet of each other and stopped. "Long time, no see."

"Likewise," said Lars, tripping on a stutter. 

"What brings you here? Show tonight?"

Lars squinted. He could never understand this pattern of small talk. He wasn't sure if it was Kip simply being polite and not wanting to go into any deep conversation, or if he could read Lars' insecurity and was trying to dispel it. Regardless, given how eloquent and deep Kip could talk within a subject, he figured it had to be painfully boring for Kip to do so. In a way, Lars felt the small talk was the same for him too, and continued, trying to figure out how to bring about the actual conversation he wished to have.

"Well, that's part of it. Main hall on the end," said Lars, haphazardly motioning over his shoulder.

"I see," said Kip. "We've got five shows over the week here, spread out, and tonight was our first here."

"Well, that's kind of a coincidence -we've also got five shows, and tonight's our first. Except we're having some in other arenas and venues around the city. Uh, Kip, I-"

"You knew I was here and came looking for me?"

Lars flinched and his eyes practically bugged out.

"Hey, easy," assured Kip, holding his hands up innocently. "I don't know how you knew or why, and you don't have to say if you don't want to. I just got the feeling."

"...I did. I wanted to talk to you -if that's okay."

Kip looked mildly surprised, and Lars couldn't tell if it was a sign of skepticism, impatience, or anticipation when he crossed his arms.

"Sure, that's fine."

Lars bit his lip and wrung his hands in front of him, but by sheer force of will raised his head to look Kip square in the eyes rather than down at the ground.

"I know this is coming a bit late, and you probably won't believe me, but I said and did some things that were really stupid... I wanted to apologize for it, if I can. For the things I did to you."

Lars had to look down afterwards; Kip's eyes were boring right through his own, and it was taking his breath away. He was biting into the inside of his lower lip so hard that even though his teeth didn't show on the outside, it was white along the inner edge, and turning purple beneath it. He noticed Kip starting to look alarmed at something, and wasn't quite sure until he spoke.

"Lars, go easy on your lip there. You're gonna make yourself bleed," he warned, his tone flat, yet ever so gentle with concern.

Lars released his lip from his nervous bite. A definite red line was on the edge.

"-Or you already did," Kip corrected himself.

Lars stayed quiet, standing awkwardly.

"Well, Lars, to be honest, I've gotten over it and I was over it faster than you'd think, and you can consider yourself forgiven. But thank you. Apology accepted." Kip appeared slightly taken aback, as if searching for words -a stark contrast to earlier in the day. It was odd for him, having spoken about this at the press conference, and now receiving formal apology for it.

"And I really am sorry for it-"

"Can I ask you a question, Lars?" asked Kip.

Lars blinked. "Of course."

"It's something I've been wondering since I saw that video -and I never really was that angry in the first place. I just want to know why. I didn't ask the first time we spoke, because I didn't want to start anything, and it just puzzled me how you were being so nice then. It was actually what I wanted to ask you, that time we saw each other in 2012, but your bodyguards went after me before I could ask."

Lars sighed. He _knew_ that question was coming, and he had dreaded it so much that it was all he could do to keep from cringing. But Rob had been right; it was time to answer it and get it over with. He and Kip both needed it.

"It's stupid, and that's honestly why I ran away. I'm not proud of it, it's something I'm ashamed of."

Lars noticed how Kip looked at him, interested for his reasoning.

"It was following the standard trend -thrash vs. glam, hair, and everything else. And it really was a thing where it was your poster I had a hold of, but it could have just as easily been a band like Warrant or Poison -but it was stupid and unnecessary, and I shouldn't have done it."

"Well, I don't mind anyone playing jokes -because I know every band has been joked at some point. It was the inclusion in the video that really caused the issue."

"I hope I didn't really upset any of you all -to be honest, I was afraid you'd be angry too, when you tried to see me last time."

Kip sighed, looking upward and placing a finger on his chin in thought.

"I'd say if you really succeeded in making anyone really upset or angry, it was Reb. You know, Reb's my guitarist, my writing partner, and he's a really loyal friend who I go way back with. He's very sensitive, and he can be a little shy and insecure when it comes to people he doesn't know. He doesn't really stick up for himself. But if he sees somebody he cares about have something aimed at them, he really gets all wound up and upset, and he did with the video. Come to think of it, he actually saw it before I did, and he woke me up to show me before 7:00 in the morning."

Lars winced inwardly. Well, that explained Reb's behavior, and confirmed he was still holding that grudge to the fullest. Kip's description of Reb somewhat reminded him of how Kirk was -sensitive and not the type to get into a direct conflict, but more than willing to jump to the defense of those he cared about. Obviously, the two were quite different in all other respects, but Lars had a pretty good feeling that his troubles with Reb were far from over.

"Well, uh," Lars paused. "Kip?"

"Yeah?" asked Kip, furrowing his brow again. "You're acting a bit bashful here, Lars, and I can understand why, but it's not like me to get myself in a twist over things, so you can go ahead and say whatever."

"Thanks," said Lars, after a moment's pause. "I just wanted to say that it wasn't a personal thing, back in the 90s. I made fun, but I really -I didn't know you. I judged you wrong, and when I met you around that time, you were different from a lot of the others. And -well, you know I'm still different in musical opinion, but, I think you're a really good person -and that had nothing to show of what I think of you as an individual."

Lars couldn't exactly figure out what it meant when Kip looked down, almost as if he'd become bashful at this sudden unexpected remark, and giving a small smile.

"Well, thank you Lars. I didn't expect to hear that from you, but I appreciate it too." 

"If that makes sense," started Lars, knowing he wasn't fully coherent.

"You know what?" asked Kip thoughtfully, still having a slight smile curling his lips. "We're here in the same town for a few days, and in the same hotel -however that managed to line up. There's no big rush to get it all out now, so why don't we wait until tomorrow? You look like you have more you want to say and can't put together, and I have to go get the guys gathered up. We're meeting with the crew so that when we get to our venue tomorrow, we know how things are going to proceed -cuts out a lot of the mess if it's all communicated beforehand."

Lars did a double take and hoped he didn't look as taken aback by this generous offer as he was inside. Kip was not only going to allow him to talk it out further, but had agreed to meet with him again -and he was just as easy going and casual about it as ever.

_Aw, fock, I hope I'm not blushing_ , Lars thought to himself. This was scary -it felt like deja vu, talking to Kip and being surprised by his nature all over again -except it really was a repeat of the past -the only difference being the certainty it would not be the last time.

"Sure," he said, almost replying too fast and wincing internally again. "Uh, Kip, when or where -I mean, how should we-?"

"Is 10:00 o' clock in the morning too early for you?" asked Kip with a hint of humor in his voice. Seemed he was quite aware, as most were, that Metallica were once of a party all night crew and didn't wake up until the afternoon. Though, thankfully for Lars, not anymore.

"Oh, no -10:00 is fine. Even 9:00, if that's better -I've taken to being up early these days."

"10:00 will probably be optimal -no rush in either side. How about you meet me down in the hotel lobby then? There we'll have plenty of time, and you'll have a chance to get your thoughts together." Kip waited expectantly for a reply.

"Sounds like a plan," said Lars, trying to keep a stoic appearance and not smile like a nut the way he felt like doing. "Okay then, tomorrow."

"10:00 AM," repeated Kip.

"Hey, Kip, where _are_ you?!" A voice was audible from inside the backstage area.

"Well, that'd be Reb. I'd better go make myself present before he gets concerned." And with that, Kip turned away and went back inside their quarters, leaving Lars by himself.

Lars turned around and walked through the venue, going to figure out where James, Kirk, and Rob had gone off to. Already, thoughts were going through his head, different wordings on what he really meant to say, but all of them were getting scattered by other thoughts.

Oh boy, were there butterflies in his stomach. If Lars was just smitten with Kip Winger before, then now he was fallen head over heels in love. He still couldn't decide how in the world to explain this to his bandmates aside from Rob. Rob would understand and be happy for him, but explaining this to James -especially now that things were escalating. He had thrown darts at Kip's poster years ago, and Kip had shot a dart right back through his heart. Unlike an arrow, full of complications -but inflicting the same love inside him.

_I'm in trouble. I am in big trouble,_ Lars whispered to himself.

But then a small grin curled the corners of his mouth up as another thought crossed his mind, quickly chasing away most of the worries about explaining things to James. Lars was giddy to be free of the nerves for once, and what was James going to do with him anyway when he was the one who always held Metallica together in crisis?

_I'm meeting up with Kip Winger again. Tomorrow morning -at a set time!_

Though it wasn't official, Lars couldn't help but internally consider it a date.


	6. Under One Condition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unable to sleep, Kip ponders his sporadic past with Lars and tries to make sense of him prior to meeting in the lobby with the goal of finding out what he can't deduce himself.

Despite having no major hurry to get down to the lounge for the time he'd set to meet Lars, Kip found himself up and awake at 7:00, having failed to return to sleep after automatically waking up at 6:45, despite the haze of sleepiness still over him. None of his bandmates were up yet, and the hotel was still silent in the early morning, most still asleep from late night partying about town. 

He sat in front of the hotel window, looking out at the muted cityscape through heavy eyes, holding a mug of the flavorless instant coffee provided in the room, pondering the swirl of confusion in his mind and attempting to bring it into a semblance of order.

There was something so strange to Kip about waking up for no reason at 6:45, given he was going to see Lars. 6:45 in the morning was the same time which Reb had woken him up over the video that morning. He had to wonder if it was a sign of sorts. But that was the least important thought in his mind.

Kip was puzzled as to why Lars had come up to him and acted the way he did, but thinking back and comparing his behavior to how he'd acted the last time they'd spoken, he had his suspicions.

Those aside, Kip couldn't figure out why every internal instinct was telling him to listen to Lars and trust him. It had never been like him to trust others from the start, and after years of damage from scorn, Kip had only further reserved his trust from others.

Lars had at least seemed genuinely apologetic. Kip would have rather heard it sooner if it was going to be said, given he'd already forgiven the incident on his own with time. But then, if Lars still had mixed feelings on the topic the last time they talked, still being in his heyday and not seeing it from the other side, then it wouldn't have necessarily been sincere of him to apologize then. And Lars was the type who wouldn't humble himself to apologize openly unless he really did mean it -that was the one thing Kip could easily see.

Kip had always thought the words "I'm sorry" were some of the emptiest in existence. They only carried meaning if there were actions alongside it confirming regret, and more often than not, he felt those actions were enough on their own. And he did have to appreciate Lars having that same mindset, even if it seemed pathetic with some of the things he did which he was not sorry for.

He especially had to appreciate it in the case which Lars had refused to apologize for or back down from something that had made him the target of a lot of hate: Napster. Even though the issue of it hadn't necessarily been an issue for Metallica, had it existed in the 80s when everyone was starting out and the rock scene had such a high demand, it would have severely hindered anyone's ability to get to a successful level with a record company, and might have been the death of a lot of smaller bands that didn't get as much attention -Winger included. 

Though Kip hadn't entirely been sure what to make of some of the newer artists coming out at that time, knowing the struggle of having been under the shadows of larger bands, he felt they deserved the fair chance without that complication. Lars hadn't gone to war for just Metallica -he'd done it for the industry which they were all a part of, and hadn't cared what it would do to his image when he refused to be made ashamed of it. That was respectable, and took a lot of courage.

In contrast to that battle, Lars running off from Kip in 2012 had been pathetic and cowardly -with no excuse to call it otherwise. But in context with how Lars had acted today, at the festival, and that he'd had no _good_ reason for the video, Kip could read the shame in it, and it usually _was_ easier to admit to wrongdoing and shame on one's own accord -as Lars had yesterday. And that had still taken a lot of courage too; Lars hadn't been relaxed about it.

Regardless, Kip had forgiven Lars. Just as he'd told him, he had before the apology. And deep down, he wanted to be able to see Lars as a good person.

If there was one conclusion Kip could come to without any doubt, it was that Lars Ulrich was a very interesting person. He didn't quite get him, and couldn't figure him out fully the way he could with most others just by observation and deduction. It seemed that was one thing they had in common. Most people couldn't figure Kip out either without spending half their time with him as his bandmates had.

Looking up to the clock, Kip saw that an hour had passed, and it was 8:00. Time to get showered, dressed, and make sure that Reb was up. Reb still enjoyed sleeping late and it seemed that any morning which Kip decided not to check always ended up being the morning that the guitarist would oversleep, having either forgotten to set an alarm, slept through his alarm, or turned it off and fallen back asleep.

Counting time estimates based on how long it took him to shower and dress, Kip would have roughly an hour and a half to get breakfast and make it down to the lobby to meet up with Lars after checking on Reb. Enough time to get there comfortably without rushing.

He decided, as he got into the shower that he wouldn't mind to get to know Lars better either, and maybe figure out his mysterious personality, and unlock the interesting person that Lars was.

And under the condition which he could see beyond the obnoxious side that Lars was far from alone in having and find the respect and thoughtfulness he'd seen hints of, Kip would have to admit that Lars Ulrich was a good person too.

And a little under an hour and a half after getting dressed, waking an alarm-clock-ignoring Reb up, and proceeding about the morning routine with Reb, Paul, Rod, and John, Kip excused himself and made his way to the lobby, sitting himself down on the sofa and watching the wall clock. 9:55.

_Question is, how punctual is Lars?_ Kip wondered. It wasn't something he generally thought about of people outside of his own bandmates, and the members of other bands which they were supporting or touring with. It was still nearly dead in the lobby, the activity and noise low. Most people were still out though, it seemed -taking a late morning -which might have been the trigger of such thoughts. Or maybe something else that Kip hadn't pinpointed.

The silence was the very thing that made Kip flinch from the stark contrast of the elevator's high pitched _ding!_ announcing that somebody was descending to stop on the ground floor.

9:57.

The elevator doors opened, and out came Lars, easily recognizable even across the lobby by his short stature and facial structure. He walked forward, looking around the lobby hesitantly. It was clear the moment which he spotted Kip -his eyes lighting up and suddenly making a beeline in his direction rather than stepping around aimlessly.

Kip watched as he came over. When Lars got within a couple of yards, he sported a friendly smile, and Kip found himself beginning to smile too.

"Good morning," greeted Lars, now within hearing range of a quiet tone that wouldn't awkwardly pierce the quiet atmosphere.

"Hey, you got here a couple minutes early," Kip replied wittily. So Lars actually was good at being on time.

"Yeah, seems so -woke up earlier than I meant to and couldn't sleep, so I'm ahead," said Lars.

If yesterday had been Lars' day for multiple double takes, it seemed like today was starting out to be Kip's day for it.

"You know," said Kip, feeling like he'd laugh if it weren't for how quiet it was around them. "That's funny, because I had an unexpected early wakeup too! Already have a coincidence for today."

Lars chuckled lightly and sat down awkwardly on the sofa, leaving space between them as if he wasn't quite sure he was welcome there. They really hardly knew each other aside from who they were within their bands, so it was a little awkward. 

Kip had never seen anything wrong with awkwardness. Sometimes, it was a sign of curiosity with potential to lead to unexpected yet incredible things.

"So, we made it here," Kip started. "Now that everything from the past has been assessed and cleared up as of yesterday, I'd like to get to know who you are aside from the drummer of Metallica who threw darts at me and start things over. And then, if you'd like, I can tell you some about myself so that you can get to know me -so that you're not so nervous anymore."

Lars nodded eagerly. "Sure, I'd like that." 

Kip noticed that Lars was blushing slightly, just a hint of pink gathering on his cheeks. A certain suspicion he had was beginning to grow stronger. And oddly enough, it didn't weird Kip out as much as he would have thought it would.

"Alright then. You can start with whatever you want, and if you're not certain, then tell how you got into the music scene," Kip prompted.

Lars eyes glazed over as he internally reminisced in memories from way back to provide his answers.

"Funny thing was, up until a certain point, I didn't think I would be a rock star. I had my mind set on being a professional tennis player, because my dad played..."

Kip adjusted to a more casual position on the couch with interest. Hobbies outside of music could make for a lot to speak of -and he had quite a few of his own.

And with that began a two hour long conversation between Lars Ulrich and Kip Winger. Sharing memories from the past which defined them, telling funny stories of the wacky surprises which popped up on the road, and appearing to enjoy it as if there was never an enemy line between the bands which they belonged to.

What neither of them realized was that in the time they were talking, at separate points, both Reb Beach and James Hetfield had come downstairs and passed through the lobby. And they'd both seen enough to stir up a lot of confusion, nerves, and a barrage of question for their respective bandmates when they regrouped afterwards.


	7. The Unforgiven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars and Kip have moved on from their rough past and so far have positive feelings about each other. But even though things seem fine between them now, they both realize that their bandmates are more tightly rooted in past, and not quite ready to change or forgive.

Lars knew he was in deep shit as soon as he went back up to his room after he and Kip split from the lobby.

James was outside his door, leaning up against the wall, legs casually crossed, hip cocked out, and hand resting on his side. He wore a smirk that he usually had when he was a combination of pissed off, surprised, and ready to poke fun in a biting sort of way.

"So, Lars... Got anything to tell me about where you've been the past couple of hours? Have anything to share about yourself that's different from what you've always told?"

Lars looked at James incredulously. "What the fock are you talking about, James?"

He should have known that trick wouldn't work with James. James had known Lars for so long that he could read right through him, and Lars had never been good at faking or hiding already.

He could feel the wince cross his face when James wagged a finger at him.

"Don't even go there, Lars. You can't play innocent with me. I know where you were. I went through the lobby and I saw you there. And you were talking with somebody who very suspiciously looked like Kip Winger. If I remember correctly, I saw a poster up in the casino yesterday that said he was here in town, so that makes it pretty hard to deny in my book."

Lars didn't respond.

"I'd like to have an idea of what's going on, Lars. Are you plotting against us? Playing double agent? Trying to confuse the living daylights out of me? -because if that's what this is about, you've succeeded alright," said James tensely.

"James, Jesus focking _Christ!_ I know you have some fears from past trauma, but why in the world would I plot against or play double agent against this band that I helped found and hold together in crisis? Metallica is my whole life, James, don't even think that way!"

"Well then why don't you explain why so that you can assure me of it?" challenged James.

Lars rolled his eyes. He loved James like a brother. The whole world could practically see that, and the only time he'd seriously felt turmoil that threatened to damage that beyond repair was around the time James went to rehab, and Some Kind of Monster.

"Can we do this inside rather than out in the hall, for fock's sake?!"

James stood up straight from the wall. Lars opened his door, inviting James inside his room and shutting the door. He felt a bit nervous of this, but this was not going in any direction that was good out where others could see or hear.

"Alright, James, things have changed from the 90s. You know it. I know it. We all do -you should know better than any of us with rehab and therapy and all the changes you had to make. We went through a hard time, that's the reality of it, and having been through that, I see what we used to do in a different way. I wouldn't put any of us down for it, but you know what? I'm ashamed of that video and what we put in it."

James sighed.

"Well, I can at least believe that you're ashamed, because you won't admit to stuff like that unless you're absolutely sure of it."

"I noticed yesterday that Kip was in town too, and after that time in 2012 when I ran away from him -that was embarrassing too -I wanted to go to him and apologize. So I did."

"And what made you decide to do that now, of all times?" James hissed.

"Um, first of all, if you can't tell, we're in the same town. So opportunity is knocking pretty hard. And, uh..." Lars wondered if he should tell James this, but he knew he'd be having to explain sooner or later, so he tried to start from the beginning and go slow, hoping there wouldn't be a blowup. 

"...James, remember that festival, 1993?"

"Yeah?" asked James.

"Well, while you were getting, um, utterly sloshed before we even hit the stage would be a good description, I went for a walk around, and you know they were there."

"And?" 

"Well, I rounded a corner quick, and I ran into him. I almost fell down. And I dropped my drumsticks like an idiot."

James facepalmed and shook his head. Lars felt his face grow hot, knowing that James was building the image in his head.

"And what did he do?" asked James. "Pitch a fit over the video or try to guilt trip you by complaining about how they were probably going to get pelted like they did?"

Lars groaned and rolled his eyes. Apparently this was something James hadn't outgrown.

_"No._ To be honest, I felt pretty guilty afterwards though."

_"Why?"_

"Because a lot of people judged completely wrong about the kind of person he is back then, including us. He was actually very nice. He apologized to me for catching me by surprise, and didn't even freak out when he realized it was me. Actually, he congratulated us in our success with the latest record, and he said he hoped we had a good performance -seemed in good spirits about his own. I saw him after his and he didn't even say a word that suggested blame toward us for the pelting incident."

James stared Lars down with his narrow, ice blue eyes squinted.

Lars gulped. There was something intimidating about James right now, like he could see through him.

"You _like_ him, don't you?"

_Lars Ulrich, get a grip on yourself and don't you focking get intimidated by James Hetfield. You know after all these years that you have just as much power in the band as he does, and this is not the band or any of his business anyway. If you could approach Kip, you can figure out how to deal with James._

"Actually, James, I do. I'm not kidding and shitting around with you -I'm telling you like it is. After hearing him yesterday, and meeting up with him this morning, I do even more. I can't really explain it -it's just how it is."

James sucked in and blew out air through his teeth. He seemed confused by the confession, bewildered by Lars' firm admittance, and bit angry.

"I swear to God, when did the Earth turn upside down on its axis and start spinning in the opposite direction?"

_Good question. I don't know either. Probably longer ago than I was willing to see it had._

Lars shrugged. "Just hear me out, James-"

"I don't want you to give me a lecture about what you think about Kip nowadays," said James coldly. "Even if I did, I would need to sort out my thoughts before I could handle one. If you want to get yourself tied up in some mess with Kip, you do it -I know I can't stop you. But _don't you fucking dare_ wreck Metallica's image by doing it out around everyone like in the lobby. What are fans who know our videos by heart going to think, seeing you and Kip chatting it up in a hotel lobby. We're not like that, Lars."

James started to walk out of the room.

"I'm sorry, we can talk more later. I need to go think, because right now, I don't even know what to say."

Lars shuddered as the door slammed. In some ways, that had gone easier than he'd expected. James hadn't loudly blown up in a rage like he'd feared.

But it was also worse in a lot of other respects. Because now he had it for Kip even more than yesterday -and James knew it.

He sat down, inwardly trying to make sense of the load of trouble he'd gotten himself into after making what he'd felt was one of the better decisions he'd made -approach Kip and start things over ...And also, realizing just how fucked up things were that James was still locked in on a stupid trend that had gone defunct to everyone else in thrash metal.

This fiasco was definitely far from over.

And unbeknownst to Lars, Kip was also about to have a predicament with one of his bandmates over their lobby meeting.

It wasn't until two hours before Winger was scheduled to leave the hotel for the venue that Kip found Reb, and that they had a problem.

He was making the rounds through the rooms of all his bandmates. Kip was normally the keeper of the spare room keys except for his own, which Rod had, because Reb was afraid he would lose it if he were put in charge of it. 

Usually, Kip made a habit of checking up on everyone a couple of hours before they had to head out, just as a time check so everyone knew when to go about starting their pre-show routine. It was also a good way to make sure there weren't any cases of last minute confusion or emergencies.

As he often did, Kip went to Reb's room first.

He found Reb sitting on his bed in the fetal position, arms crossed around him and resting his chin on his knees. His hair hung forward, and he looked to be in a world class bad mood.

"What's the matter, Reb?" asked Kip.

"I figured you'd know," moped Reb.

"Hey, Reb, easy. Don't start that, because you know I don't like it when you get into this kind of mood. Talk to me, what's got you all upset? Anything I can do for you?"

"What's got you hanging out in the lounge with Lars Ulrich like you're best friends?" asked Reb meekly.

_Oh dear..._ Kip had been fully aware that Reb was still upset over the past. He, unlike himself, held onto things for a painfully long time. But he hadn't thought that Reb was still upset enough to get himself worked up into such a frenzy simply because he'd had a sit-down conversation with Lars.

"Metallica played the main hall after we got out of our performance last night, Reb. I happened to run into Lars, and we ended up in a conversation that kind of got stopped short when we had to leave."

"So that's where you were," said Reb. He seemed to be less accusatory in his tone now, and rather seemed bewildered.

"When you called for me, yes," answered Kip.

"Why? Why, after what he did to us?" asked Reb.

"Funny thing was, Reb, I didn't really run into him. He was looking for me, because he wanted to apologize. I'm still trying to decide for myself the sincerity of it, though he did seem rather ashamed of himself. Actually, I had to wonder if he was afraid of me."

Reb snorted. "He probably is afraid of you, despite that tough image he puts on -kind of pathetic. Even more pathetic that he took so long to say anything -you'd think if he meant it, he'd have said something sooner."

Kip closed his eyes and resisted the urge to sigh, not wanting to upset or annoy Reb more by seeming impatient with him. Obviously, Reb still harbored a lot of hurt feelings from the incident, and there was no doubt he'd been the most devastated when Winger broke up, so it was justified. 

However, Kip knew how much worse things seemed when one dwelled on them. It was why he chose not to hang onto a lot of bad events in the past. They seemed small to him, while Reb held onto everything and found it to be huge.

But moving on was something that couldn't be forced. Reb would have to want to do it, and if he didn't want to, then he'd hang on the rest of his life and nothing would change it.

"Whether he said anything sooner or not, I never did stay mad at it, Reb."

"I know you didn't, and how you're able to be that way is beyond me."

"In some ways, I can't always explain it either. I just know -it's like a gut instinct." said Kip, trying to end the argument in a way that wouldn't sound as though he was being easily swayed, because he wasn't. He still was far from extending his full trust to Lars Ulrich, but for whatever reason, he was compelled to give more of it -as though it was the right thing to do. Just as not staying mad and leaving the video alone seemed like the right thing to do.

_And I think there's more to Lars' behavior than just shame and wanting to bury the past._

Reb didn't answer or move, still staring and practically boring through the wall with his eyes.

"Hey, Reb, come here," ordered Kip.

Reb came up to him slowly. He was pouting -oh boy, was he pouting. He had the look of a cat that had unsuspectingly been doused with a bucket of water -indignant and almost pitiful. And even though it was kind of ridiculous for him to still be this upset and work himself up this badly so many years later, Kip felt bad seeing him so upset.

"Look at me," said Kip, facing Reb and putting his hands on his shoulders.

Reb looked up into Kip's eyes, a hint of fearing betrayal in his own.

"You know I don't like to hang onto the past. I like to see the good in people. Lars Ulrich extended an apology, and like I said, I accepted it because I don't have anything that I'm upset about, and by the looks of it, he wanted to settle the past too. We talked to see the good in each other that we didn't know -his due to the thrash view, and myself from only knowing his bad side. From what I see, Lars is a good person underneath a whole lot of -for lack of a better description, bullshit -that was going around the thrash camp as well as some of the glam camp that came onto the scene before us. Without it, we had a very interesting conversation that was surprisingly a lot of fun. He's an eccentric person in his own way, just as I am eccentric in my way. I don't want to hold a grudge on him that I never had, Reb. It's not healthy. But, I also am not telling you to let go of yours if you want to keep on it, nor am I going to force you to let go."

"I can't stand him, Kip. I can't stand him, or what he did to you, and I don't want him to do it again," said Reb quietly.

"And you don't have to like him. I don't know where this will go from here, because I'm still sorting out what I think of him now. I can't promise I won't talk to him again, because I'm a bit curious at the moment. For now, I need you to understand that I am aware of things, as you know that I always have been. I'm not throwing caution to the wind -I have enough hard knocks if things turn around, and if they do, then that will be it between us."

"I know you do, I just..." Reb trailed off. He really did look nervous, all the events of the band slowly deteriorating before his very eyes following the release of that damned video.

"Hey," said Kip.

Reb reconnected his eyes with Kip's gaze.

"You can also bet that I would never stand for anything he could possibly do against you should he do it, Reb. I'd never leave you behind like that after all these years. You know that. As much as I want to put the bad stuff from the past out of the way, I wouldn't do it at your expense."

Reb nodded.

"Come here," said Kip, taking his hands off Reb's shoulders and slipping his arms around Reb's waist. 

Reb quickly snaked his arms around Kip and clung to him tightly, lightly trembling with a combination of nerves and relief.

"It's okay, Reb."

"Just don't let him hurt you, or us, because I don't want to see it happen again," said Reb. "Please."

"I don't have intentions of that," said Kip, letting go and patting Reb's shoulder. "But you know how I said I had a bad feeling, after that video?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I'd like to think that works in reverse. Because I have a good feeling about things this time, and I think it's going to be just fine."

If there was one thing that Reb knew from the past, Kip's judgment of places, situations, and most importantly other people, was pretty on-point.

"Okay," he said. He smiled, at least assured that Kip hadn't let his priorities get scrambled up.

"Good." Kip turned to leave the room. "I'll see you later then, Reb -I'm going to check up on the others and start getting ready."

"Later," said Reb as Kip shut the door behind him.

But it still didn't all rest easy with him. Reb still hated Metallica, especially Lars, and the traumatized part of him from the past was still convinced that Lars would damage them again. He couldn't let that happen.


	8. Trust I Seek...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions from the past re-sparked by the morning run within the Metallica and Winger camps. Lars finds out some news from Rob about Kirk, and it's not bad, though no match for James' reaction, which has him troubled. Kip is conflicted between Reb's fear and his new perspective toward Lars. Both situations result in a late night heart-to-heart, and a few revelations between Lars and Kip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one and the next one are both pretty long and complex, so strap yourselves in!

Maybe it was by chance, or maybe it was something pushed by fate, but despite the displeasure of their bandmates, not only did Kip and Lars see each other again following their morning talk in the lobby, but twice -and before the day even ended.

The first wasn't anything significant for the two -they didn't even have the chance to exchange words. Simply, Metallica were arriving back to the hotel from the night's performance, and Winger were arriving back from an evening about town following their show earlier in the day.

Lars was with Kirk, lugging his gig backpack in the direction of the hotel. James was ahead of the two with Rob, murmuring something to Rob inaudible in a tone of annoyance. Rob was speaking his responses in a low, gentle soothing tone, placing a hand on James' back, holding his other hand out to the side as if trying to reassure James of something.

Lars must have been trying to be discreet. Given Lars wasn't the type to naturally be discreet, it was pretty obvious when he was trying to. As Kip passed Lars and Kirk, Lars slightly turned his head to the side to look at Kip. It wasn't a full-on turn, but it was obvious, especially with his eyes focused sideways and the smile that tugged his lips up against his strained attempt to keep a straight face. He was blushing too, as if he was nervous having that reaction around Kirk.

Nevertheless, Kip noticed everything and felt a twinge in his chest that was vaguely familiar, though he couldn't quite identify it -it was too faint to distinguish from multiple sensations of the sort that meant different things. What he could identify was the same tug on the corners of his mouth.

So he turned sideways, also discreet, and flashed a smile back at Lars with a nod of encouragement. He wasn't entirely sure of the speculations he had to explain Lars' behavior, but whatever was true, Kip couldn't see a reason, nor did he want for Lars to be afraid of him over something that was now officially in the past.

Lars' eyes widened as if he were caught by surprise, but then they lit up and his smile became a little less subtle.

Kip chuckled under his breath and walked past Lars, starting to turn back around just as he passed James and Rob. James took notice of Kip, and seeing his smile and taking a quick glance back at Lars, he quickly figured it out. He rolled his eyes dramatically with a deep, heaving sigh, just in time for Kip to see it.

Kip hadn't even needed to see James roll his eyes -he could practically _hear_ the rolling of the orbits in their sockets along with the deep, huffy sigh that traveled across the parking lot. Well, apparently Metallica wasn't past it all. That had two possible meanings -one very positive, and one very negative. He was cautious and on the lookout for anything negative as he'd promised Reb, but so far, he saw more indication of the positives.

The negative possibility here was that Lars was indeed trying to set him up to cause trouble again like Reb feared. The positive one was that Lars was not only sorry and trying to move things forward, but it was by his own initiative and not the pressure of his bandmates.

Regardless of what was true, Reb had also heard the sigh from James and the look of annoyance, and he sent his own death glare in Metallica's direction, rapidly becoming upset again. His shoulders were visibly tensing up, his hands contracting into clenched fists at his side. Before Kip could respond, Rod Morgenstein jogged a few paces forward from where he trailed them to walk beside Reb. He placed his hand on Reb's arm.

"Reb, come on, don't lose your temper over them," he whispered. "They're not doing anything, and they'd be crazy to with hotel security in addition to Kip and myself. What is it that they're gonna do anyway? Don't worry about it." Rod held firm on the same level that Kip did with respect to how to react should anyone dare step out of line in a way that went beyond teasing and ridicule.

Reb relaxed his grip, his firsts unfurling and the muscles along his arms slowly relaxing upward until they got to his shoulders, though he retained a look of annoyance in his eyes. Kip also relaxed, sighing slowly. Even when it was for something small, he hated to see Reb get so upset over something and work himself up into a frenzy -and he already had once today. The added factor of something in the past he felt he had gotten over with and settled made it harder for Kip to see -knowing he wasn't bothered at all when Reb was still tormented.

But Rod well understood Kip's preference to not dwell on things, and he always did his best along with Kip to take a positive stance on the current times. 

Maybe he needed to talk to _Rod_ about the past couple of days and his encounters with Lars. He still couldn't quite figure it all out, but Rod followed his thinking pattern -Rod could be another standpoint to consider the situation while excluding the past.

That was a thought for later. Kip also looked over at Reb, fixing him with a reassuring expression.

"It's fine, Reb. You know I'd have something to say if they did anything."

Kip held the door of the hotel open for his bandmates. As he did, he got a look behind them of Metallica approaching. He noticed that Rob Trujillo was silent now, taking glances at James as if he were a little bit disappointed in him. Another clue supporting the positive possibility if Rob wasn't pleased with James.

Regardless, a talk with Rod seemed like a good thing. He had a good enough balance of positivity and caution to his thought process for Kip to trust in validating or disputing his own -and Rod seemed to try and comfort Reb too, which said that he, just as much as Kip, wanted Reb to not be so bothered by it so many years later. So he headed upstairs without hesitation and went about the nightly routine of laying out everything he needed in the morning and changing out the ice container in the room. Maybe he'd have enough time to talk to Rod tonight -if Rod was staying up later. If Rod decided to go to bed early, then at least he'd be ready to go to bed early to, and get up earlier to talk to Rod in the morning.

Just as Kip was approaching the end of the hall where vending and the ice machine were, he got caught by surprise when a door he was passing and noted to be to room number 358 swung open uncomfortably fast, revealing Rob Trujillo. Kip managed to stop himself from gasping, but he did flinch away from the door, which Rob must've noticed, given his sheepish expression.

"Whoa! I'm sorry about that, man. Window's open and the air current pulled that way faster than I expected!"

"It's alright -I was kind of thinking and not paying attention and it caught me off guard," assured Kip, his expression changing slightly as it dawned on him who exactly it was, and what it meant in terms of who else was on this hall. He noticed Rob's demeanor change too, as if he was thinking the same thing.

"Well, that's funny -two bands ending up in the same hall." Rob wondered if it would be a good idea to tell Lars about this or not. Undoubtedly, Lars would be excited, but it might just drive him crazy too.

"Sure is," said Kip in agreement, reorienting himself.

"Hey, by the way, Kip, outside -I could tell you noticed James. I just wanted to apologize for that. He kind of had an argument with Lars this afternoon and has been in rare form to practically everyone since, but that's -none of you all did anything to call for that."

"That's fine Rob; thanks though," Kip replied, taken aback by what Rob had said. _James in an argument with Lars? Why?_ Had James seen them in the lobby too and gotten upset over it the same way that Reb had? 

"You guys are all okay, right?" asked Kip, his eyebrows lowering into an inquisitive position.

"Yeah, we're all just great aside from James being a little upset -I think Lars challenged him on something he's stuck to over the years, and he's a little uncomfortable with change -but we're great, having a good time. Lars seems happier than I've seen him in a while today, and it's all cool with Kirk and I. Hope all's good for you all too."

"Thanks, Rob. Good to hear for you all," replied Kip, continuing on while Rob went across the hall and knocked on a door with the number 357 that presumably was one of his bandmates'.

The door clicked open, and Kip could hear Lars' voice, confirming that room belonged to Lars.

"Yeah, Rob? What's up?"

"Just wanted you to know, I talked with James on the way in."

"Yeah, I noticed something was up. He's making such a big fockin' deal -or to quote you yesterday, a 'BFD' -out of something so small. Not that I didn't think he would..."

Rob stepped inside Lars' room and closed the door, blocking the rest of their conversation to the hall.

"Hey, give it a chance, Lars. You made it this far, which was way more than you expected to happen with Kip in this time window, and by what you told me about this morning -and the rant that James gave me after seeing it -it sounds like you both enjoyed it. This isn't the first time you've said you've had things happen with James. You two are like brothers; brothers fight-"

"Oh, don't I know it," Lars groaned. When he and James went at it, it was like they were two stray cats.

"You do. But of all the things you two have been through in the past, I'm pretty sure James has it in him to get over it and accept it. It's not the first time, and I'm willing to bet it's not the last."

"Probably. It has gotten better though, Rob -I can't remember the last time he reacted to something like that."

"Lars, if it makes you feel better, while you were just in your room now showering, Kirk came in and talked to me. Do you want to know what he said?"

"What?" asked Lars, a tone halfway through curiosity and nervousness, not sure what to expect.

"Well, he noticed you in the parking lot, and he noticed Kip's response to you. He didn't witness you all in the lobby this morning, but he said he apparently walked down when you and Kip were leaving, and happened to notice both of you looked real happy -didn't think anything of it then, but started to put two and two together in the parking lot. And he overheard me talking James down, and asked me what was going on."

Lars looked alarmed.

"I didn't tell him about your feelings, Lars -calm down. That's your business whether you share with him or not, and when. But I did tell him that you knew he was in town and you had made the effort to put some stuff in the past, and you'd done that and had a good conversation this morning."

"And how'd he react?"

Rob gave Lars a reassuring smile.

"Lars, Kirk said he thinks it's great. It's great, and he's happy that it turned out well. By the way he acted, I think he knows as well what's up as James does, but he didn't want to bring it up to you and have you be embarrassed. You know Kirk too."

"Not one to really judge anyone; shy to confront,"

"Yeah. But he says he also is kind of over that stuff from the past, he's glad that you decided to make that choice on your own and got something good out of it -you know what I think, Lars? I think, if you feel ready for it, you should talk to Kirk. He'll be on your side like I am, and in time James will settle down."

Lars sighed with relief. Tiptoeing around Kirk this evening had been hard, and apparently Kirk was tiptoeing around him too, in fear he'd be upset.

He was definitely going to talk to Kirk and tell him about it -there was no reason to hide from support.

"Thanks again, Rob. Focking awesome!" 

He had to resist the urge to pump his fists in the air -it really was all awesome, James' attitude aside. Things were going better with Kip than he could have imagined in less than forty-eight hours, Rob was fantastic with his ideas and helping him manage with his bandmates, and though he'd figured Kirk would be a lot more accepting than James, hearing that he fully supported him was the icing on the cake.

"No problem, Lars -I think it's great too." Rob exited Lars' room, and a minute later, Lars left his room to go to Kirk's room next door to him. He had a lot to confess, and this time he wasn't nervous at all.

 

Meanwhile, Kip was back in his own room down on the other end of the long hallway. What a coincidence, it seemed. Not only were Winger and Metallica in the same city and same hotel for the same amount of time, but they were even on the same floor!

He also had heard Lars respond to Rob when he opened his door and what he'd said before Rob shut it behind them.

So far, in addition to what Lars had said to him and how he now saw Lars as a person from the morning talk and the past put aside, he also knew that Lars had made the decision on his own, and he was aware that James might not agree with him on it. James indeed didn't agree either, as Rob had confirmed from his gesture in the parking lot. All the more to point to a positive reason for Lars to approach him. 

There really wasn't anything he could see to point to a negative reason with that final bit of information -James hadn't put him up to it or he wouldn't have been blatantly upset, and by what Lars said, he thought that James was being ridiculous. Both Rob and Kirk were embarrassed out in the parking lot. The only way it could have been a set up were if they were all putting on an act. And Lars was notorious for not faking things well.

Which left Kip to his speculations for positive reasons why Lars would have come to him.

His mind was more focused on the concern of how to calm Reb down than it was on sorting those out though. It was almost undoubtedly a good thing -but what would it take for Reb to see that? 

It was still killing Kip inside, having seen Reb get so upset over Metallica twice now today. He didn't care what it meant or that it had been aimed at him personally. That was why he'd never dwelled on it. He'd only cared about two things -one being the reason why -which he'd found out yesterday -and that reason was long obsolete and now addressed with an apology. And two being how it affected Reb. 

Maybe if he kept whatever this was up with Lars and it continued to go well, in the process, Reb would also be able to let go of all the pain of the past. Kip at least hoped that could happen -because he hated to see Reb in pain -even if it was the result of his own stubborn tendency to cling to his grudges and build things that bothered him up inside.

Right. A discussion with Rod was in order. If anything, should whatever this was fall apart and go bad, Rod would have more to say to Lars than Kip would, and would be more coherent than Reb. Kip knew from the nineties that Rod also had no fear of Lars, because a: even though Kip didn't think Lars was as poor a drummer as some pinned him as, Rod was a lot better than him, and b: Rod _knew_ he was better.

Crossing his fingers that Rod was having a late night up, Kip left his room.

Back down on the opposite end of the hall, Lars was leaving Kirk's room. 

They'd had a good ten minute discussion -in which Lars did most of the talking. Kirk, as usual, didn't have much to say because it wasn't something he was involved in, but as Rob had told Lars, he was indeed accepting of it.

"So he was willing to talk to you, and he just let it drop as simple as that?" asked Kirk.

"I think when I saw him at that festival he was a little upset and trying to block it out of his mind, but now he seems perfectly happy -I feel kind of ashamed with how we were -all of us were in thrash as a genre, really -but it's looking like it's gonna be alright. I can't tell if it'll really go anywhere, or if we'll decide to stay in contact, but if we do, I definitely won't be complaining."

"Lars, that's cool then, dude. I honestly couldn't tell back then and kind of stayed neutral, but Kip sounds like he's pretty cool. Really forgiving -if I had any part in that I've forgotten about, then I'm sorry for it too."

"Well, I can say I remember the dart incident, and you were completely out of the room when that happened -wanted nothing to do with it. I think you actually told me to leave it alone, like the anti-trouble-making standpoint-"

"Hey, now, you know I'm not one to want to get in conflict unless I'm trying to settle it," teased Kirk.

"Yeah, and I bet James and I drove you crazy -I guess not staying out of it with the darts like you did and being driven crazy with the result is the payback."

"It is not!" groaned Kirk playfully. "It's a complication for you, but I think it was meant to happen if Kip's been that open to you despite it. Now, if you want payback, you can hang out in here for a couple hours with me. I have a whole new list of recommended horror movies and series on my streaming service, and I intend to get through at least one movie or two episodes of a show before I hit the sack tonight!"

"Okay, that's it! You lost me there," said Lars, getting up with something between a chuckle and a wince, his tone pained as if to beg _oh, please no!_

He didn't understand Kirk's affinity for those things any more than how on Earth he'd managed to fall for Kip Winger. But, he accepted Kirk's liking of them just as Kirk now accepted his wild situation. As long as he didn't have to watch every horror flick with Kirk, that was!

Kirk laughed heartily. "Oh well. Well, Lars, I'll see you in the morning then!"

Lars left Kirk's room.

He was going to go back to his room, when he noticed a familiar figure coming down the hall.

_What the fock? Oh boy, this is driving me crazy._ Lars hoped he wasn't imagining things with how love-struck he was. Just in case if he was, he pretended to not notice, pulling his key card out of the door and examining the magnetic strip in it as if it hadn't caught.

"Hey."

Lars looked up. Well, he wasn't imagining things.

When Kip had gone to talk to Rod, he saw the do-not-disturb sign on his door handle and the lights off under the door -which meant he'd gone to bed early.

He hadn't been sure if it was a good idea or not, but some inner conscious voice told him to go down to Lars' room and talk to Lars about James and Reb, given he knew the room number. Kip also hadn't been sure if he would be able to bring himself to knock on the door. It was almost midnight and he wasn't sure if it was too late, and it was awkward given that Lars hadn't actually given him his room number -but with Lars in the hall, he didn't have to worry about that internal debate anymore.

"Oh!" exclaimed Lars, jumping slightly. "Uh, hi, Kip."

"Went walking around, and it looks like we're on the same floor with each other too," said Kip, deciding to not mention his brief conversation with Rob.

"The coincidences keep piling up," murmured Lars, looking down for a second. "Um... Kip? Out in the parking lot...? About James-"

"It's alright. I noticed that Rob was trying to keep him down to earth, so I figured that was his own doing."

"It really is, and I wish he wouldn't hang on like he did."

"I understand that one, wishing others wouldn't hold on the past." Kip sounded a bit sad in the same way Lars remembered him sounding following Winger's performance at the festival when they'd seen each other. Almost as if he was trying to be positive about something he knew he really couldn't do anything about.

"What do you mean?" asked Lars.

"Well, it's complicated -might be a better thing to discuss tomorrow." Kip paused and shrugged. "Unless that is, you want to now. It's a bit late, but not anything crazy."

It _was_ late, especially considering that Winger was performing earlier in the day than Metallica, and therefore had to be up and ready earlier than the latest that Metallica had to be up in order to be ready.

_But why miss out on another chance to hang out with Kip?_ Lars thought to himself, knowing it was ultimately what he did want.

"Only if it's alright with you, I guess. Lobby?" asked Lars.

"Actually ...I don't think we'd better go down there at this hour, if you know what I mean. Unless we want to deal with people starting to come in after partying a little too much -which could either be annoying, or possibly a bit scary depending on the severity."

Lars shuddered. Probably not a good idea. Especially if people recognized them and decided to take pictures and post a bunch of nonsense to the internet while drunk out of their senses.

"Yeah, I didn't think about that. Damn it, and they probably will get fockin' crazy down there."

Kip had another idea. He felt like maybe it was a little too cavalier in some ways, but just like with everything else, the voice in his head said to go for it.

"Hmm... You know what? If you're alright with it, maybe you can come on down to my room, just so we're not out in the hall, and we can talk. Or if not we can just go down to the lobby tomorrow morning like we did today."

Lars nearly stumbled back and passed out, hit with a wave of dizziness. This invitation was beyond his wildest expectations.

As much as he _did_ really want to go down to Kip's room, he didn't want to push it by jumping at every major opportunity such as that. And he didn't know if it would be the very thing to make his heart give out with the wild case of love he'd been seized with.

"That's alright, Kip -I don't want to keep you up any later. We can do the lobby tomorrow -it's not like I have to worry about James seeing and getting upset, because it's already happened."

"That is true -for both of us now. Alright then, tomorrow morning," declared Kip.

"Same time, or different?" asked Lars.

"I'll say probably no later than, unless one of us happen to oversleep by mistake. If we find ourselves down their earlier, then we'll just do it then."

_Oh, there's no focking way I'm oversleeping in that case_ , Lars internalized. He kept trying to figure out Kip's expression -he was hard to read, and his flat accent didn't really help him understand either -it just excited the butterflies in his stomach now. He couldn't tell if Kip seemed mildly nervous about meeting up tomorrow, or a bit disappointed. Or if Kip was disappointed with something else not having to do with him. 

What had Kip meant when he said it was true for both of them about not having to worry about their bandmates seeing? Were his bandmates mad at him the same way James was? Was _that_ why Kip seemed interested in talking?

Lars' eyes must have glazed over and he must have stood there silent in thought for a few seconds, because the next thing he knew, Kip had a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, Lars? You alright there?"

Lars flinched, snapping out of it with a small gasp, blushing partly out of embarrassment, and partly out of shock. Even Kip's touch was gentle, soft, and soothing -just like his flat accent and his ice-colored eyes. Kip's mouth formed a smirk, but his expression softened, concern in his eyes rather clearly now.

"Yeah, uh, sorry. Damn, I must be more tired than I realize."

Kip's smirk reverted to his more subtle smile with hints of humor and something almost melancholy, playing havoc with Lars' heart. "Doesn't seem too uncommon after a performance."

"Heh. Yeah, that time works. See you then." Lars went into his room as Kip turned to go back to his own again. Once inside, he flopped down on his bed and sighed deeply. He was ecstatic, but a nervous train wreck all the while!

Kip trudged back to his room and also lay down on the bed to try and go to sleep.

Oddly enough, he was actually feeling a bit disappointed on the inside, not getting to talk to Lars tonight. He didn't expect that -given they'd already talked today. Maybe it was because he'd been pushing to try and talk to Rod, and that hadn't worked out, and the disappointment had carried over to not talking to Lars -given he'd been the second option Kip's mind landed on.

But this morning had been surprisingly nice, and he could at least look forward to something similar in just a few hours. Maybe not as nice, discussing conflict with James and Reb, but it was something -and it could end up helping both.

Kip rolled over on his side, settling in to sleep. He came close to drifting off. And then...

_Why is it -and it's only when there's conflict in the band, or when I have the odd feeling that something big's gonna happen -that it's always right when I'm going to fall asleep that the thoughts start running?_

In this case, it was both scenarios. Reb was upset. Something pretty significant was happening with him and Lars. Kip had to imagine it hadn't been since Winger reunited that he'd ended up in bed, awake, trails of thoughts running through his head.

_Come on; not the 'think, think, think' routine... Stop that. Sort this out in the morning instead,_ Kip told himself. He shifted to lay on his other side, buried his face in the pillow, and tried to fall asleep again.

Ten minutes later, he glanced up at the clock, flustered slightly.

_What time is it...?_

Only half an hour had passed since he got back to his room. The heavily-blurred, red, digital figures read 12:30. 

_Wait, it's only been...? How?_

In some ways, that was a relief, and an annoyance. Kip had expected to look up and see it read 4:00 or something of the sort. The fact it was only half an hour past midnight was good in that he had a chance of falling asleep in time. The bad news was that it felt like an eternity already, and aside from conflicting thoughts about Lars, needing to talk to Rod, what Rob said, and Reb being upset making for a rather unpleasant internal conversation to lie awake to -it also brought up more questioning as to what was the meaning of _this?_

Kip snaked his hand out to the nightstand, finding his glasses and seeing the digits turn clear. Yes. 12:30. Now 12:31.

_Alright, that's enough. Nothing's happening until morning; might as well stop this and go to sleep._

He slung his legs over the side of the bed and got up. Sometimes breaking the thought train long enough would do it. He made sure to grab his card key and went out in the hall, deciding to pace the length of the hall once would be enough. Walk down to the opposite end, and then back. One time through, then he'd go to sleep, and maybe tomorrow he'd get a few steps closer to figuring everything out.

Kip didn't get halfway down the hall before he saw someone else. Someone else he'd seen less than half an hour ago.

If Kip knew any better, he knew his expression wasn't quite as severe as Lars'. But the double take Lars did in the same haze of tired-but-insomnia-won't-let-up quite accurately summed up his internal thoughts and feelings of it.

Then, in almost perfect unison:

"I can't sleep." 

There was a second's pause, and both Kip and Lars broke off in light, rueful laughter.

"Well then," sighed Kip exhaustedly, shrugging in the direction which he'd come from.

"I guess so, given this," agreed Lars.

And that was how without any further spoken word, Lars ended up following Kip back down to his room. Kip turned on a lamp, and once again, he and Lars were next to each other on the sofa. This time, it felt less awkward and more natural from the start for both as opposed to the morning. Rather than tensely sitting up with as much possible space between, Kip sat back, arm stretched across the back of the sofa casually. Lars assumed a casual figure-four and also sat back.

"So, James saw, and he blew up," said Lars after a minute of silence. "It's not your fault."

"It's not anyone's fault if you didn't prod him to. You and I don't determine how he makes his decisions -you don't have anything to be sorry for. And -look, it's not that big of a deal, Lars. If you've figured out how I am with these things after today and yesterday..."

"Definitely more patient than anyone in our band," noted Lars. "Except maybe Rob comes close."

Kip nodded. "He was around in a lot of places before he settled in with Metallica -I've heard from a few sources he's down to earth. Rob's a good person."

"James was waiting for me in the hall when I came back upstairs from it. Questioning before I could get to the door, if that gives an idea." 

Kip's eyebrows visibly raised with surprise this time. There was no ambiguity to what he felt this time, which kind of scared Lars, given for Kip to show it, it was probably very strong. 

"Rob and Kirk seemed indifferent to it, pretty much do what you like, but James was -I honestly can't put it into words."

"Doesn't mean you have to put it into words. I knew he was upset from what I saw, and him being out in the hall waiting for you and going right to town isn't anything small. You know, I guess I come from a different crowd in more ways than musically -I'd be shocked if one of my bandmates did that. Probably more shocked, since we don't really argue even when we do disagree on something." Kip paused a second, ever so slightly crestfallen. "But, we came close today."

"What?!" Lars hissed.

Kip sighed, resuming his calm expression, holding up his hand so that it was palm down, parallel to the ground, and slowly lowered it to his lap. He spoke in an even flatter, slower, more soft and calming tone than his usual one.

"Lars. Calm down. It's not anything big. Our arguments probably aren't anything like what you all know. I'll get to that in a second, but I want to hear what you have to say about James and the others. Maybe that'll put things in better perspective."

He'd seen and heard first hand Rob's account, but hearing consistency from Lars was a reassuring thing.

"Well, once I got James in from the hall, I pretty much told him what I told you about the 90s, that I pretty much think it was stupid, and I wanted to put it completely in the past. He really got going on this tangent about me not trying to 'ruin Metallica's image', and 'what would the fans think seeing you two in the lobby?' -that stuff, and the only thing I can think is that the fans probably don't fockin' care, because those days are so far over -not just for me, but for Rob, Kirk, and most guys in the thrash camp."

"I wouldn't think that there aren't fans who remember," said Kip thoughtfully. "But I doubt that they'd get so wound up as to abandon loyalty. Our fans don't really seem to care about it, since we have a smaller fan base that's really tight and less likely to get hung up on who we chose to be around. Yours might struggle with that more so. But then I'd say that fans who decide to jump ship from following a band because one member decided to talk to someone from another band that's really different in style aren't really true fans. If they don't still respect your ideas even if they don't agree..."

"Or they can't get the facts right in their head, like when we were invited to do a collaboration a few years ago -huge departure from our style, but it wasn't our music we wrote, and we've said it so many times, but some fans just jump all over it being terrible because they won't see that-"

"Now, did you say that to James?" asked Kip, raising his eyebrows. Lars always did notice the inquisitive movement when Kip was curious about something, and found it to be rather charming. It was even better now with a few locks of bed-mussed hair hanging down toward Kip's eyes. Self conscious, he looked down so that he wouldn't be tempted to stare.

"No, because this isn't-our bands aren't collaborating, and I don't plan on it happening either. This is putting the past behind and trying to turn some bad relationships between our two bands around so it's done with. I don't want him getting the wrong idea."

"I was thinking in terms of if he was okay with Lulu, despite the minor consequences it did for you all -and I'll say that even the bands that we were close with back in the day in the hair and glam sector with less troubles had this problem. Some so-called fans are going to complain about anything you do out of the ordinary and trash talk, and sometimes it's not even because they have a problem with it, but really because they just want to and they can. But like you said, no collaboration, so this isn't even half or a quarter in meaning of what that was to the fan base, so it shouldn't be anything damaging or significant that we were seen in the lobby."

_Well, to the fan base it's nothing, but it's a lot more in my mind_ , Lars thought to himself. _Though not in the way James thinks -he thinks it's a big deal no matter what._

"Maybe I could, though I'd wait before making comparisons, because James is a little unpredictable when he gets like this," sighed Lars. "I guess I could also point out Load, but he's iffy looking back on that too. And like I've said, it's been so long since I've seen him mad like this that I almost forgot how to deal with him. Not sure how I did it all the time then -he must have driven me crazy so I didn't know it!"

Kip snorted as though he'd failed to hold back a laugh and instantly got serious and apologetic.

"I'm sorry, that just reminded me of a complaint a friend of mine from another band made about one of their bandmates when they reunited for a few years back in the 90s. I know it's not funny to you."

"It's not funny to deal with, though it is pretty focking ridiculous depending how I look at it," decided Lars. "But, anyway. That's all I have to say on that matter. You know, I tried to reason with James, and I only got but so far. I obviously don't really care what he thinks, given I'm here, so, um... that's that. What's going on for you all then?"

Kip's tone went flat again, his tired eyes unreadable.

"Did you notice anything else out in the parking lot?"

Lars looked taken aback, then confused. "Other than James -no, I didn't."

"I guess you didn't then," murmured Kip. For a moment, he appeared to search for words, which told Lars whatever it was, Kip was troubled by it, because it seemed unusual compared to his relaxed yet eloquent regular speech pattern. 

He looked back up after a second. "Remember how yesterday you were worried about me still being mad, and I told you that Reb was really the angry one?"

Lars nodded slowly, suspicion creeping in.

"He saw down in the lounge, and he got pretty upset too."

"And that was the source of your 'argument'," stated Lars with air-quotes on argument.

"If what Reb told me is all there is to it, then yes," confirmed Kip. "Now, bear in mind that Reb reacted a lot differently than how James did to you, as one would expect with how different he is from James. Don't get me wrong, Reb does have a wild and playful side that will come out onstage and in the studio too. But generally... Well, let me describe him to you. Because you don't really know Reb for who he is, and it might make more sense if I do."

Lars nodded and listened intently. After his encounter back in '93, he was oddly intrigued to hear about Reb. Or maybe that wasn't too odd -maybe it would help him figure out a better explanation to it.

"Reb's pretty quiet, down to earth, and when it comes to things he's uncomfortable with, he kind of folds in on himself. You see, he's reserved and timid about it, because he's sensitive, he feels very strongly about the actions of others -especially if they involve someone close to him -and he can get really get worked up if he didn't care for said actions, but he doesn't like to be in direct conflict. Reb isn't very confrontational except in extreme cases. I've only seen him confront others a few times, and in all those times, it was when whatever triggered him had just happened, he was already upset to begin with, and he was at a high energy point either before or after a performance."

_Well, that explains that in addition to him holding a grudge,_ thought Lars. With this information, in retrospect, it made sense to Lars how he'd ended up being one of the few people Reb jumped at. Reb was upset, undoubtedly he was close to and protective of Kip, he'd seen Lars with Kip -which had triggered him to get hot and bothered, and he was hyper before a show. All those things together formed the raging explosion Reb had unleashed that day.

"So I'm guessing he didn't come to you," said Lars.

Kip shook his head. "No. He didn't. I'd be a lot more worried if he had. Though to be honest he's easier to calm down if he is confronting, because he's worked up and you don't have to pull it out of him bit by bit -he throws it all out there at once. It probably came as a shock to him. In all honesty, this whole thing is a shock to me in a way -I didn't expect yesterday or this morning, but I see it as all positive, so nothing's wrong with that." 

Kip paused and then quickly held up a hand as if to reassure Lars. "And again, it's the past, I don't have any bad blood here. I'm glad that yesterday and today took place, despite the consequences here. But, I digress. I found Reb sulking in his room when I checked on him a couple of hours after we left the lobby, and it was one of those cases where I could tell he'd been there a while by just how worked up he looked. He still wouldn't say anything about it -I had to ask him what was wrong, and then he said what he thought. He wasn't very wordy about it either. I'd say he was pretty bitter, the way you see it when someone pushes stuff down and lets it build up. I got him to talk to me, but I'd say he's still upset and hanging on now. A lot of frustration and hurt pent up -not for any necessary reason now, but what can I say? Not everyone deals with the past the same way. Reb and I are really close, and we go way back -but we're different in a lot of ways too."

_Yeah, not good,_ Lars thought. Reb was the one predicted to still be upset, and he was even more upset than Kip expected. 

Lars debated internally to tell Kip about seeing Reb at the festival in '93, and then decided against it. He didn't want to put Kip on guard by making it sound as though he were putting Reb down for it. If Reb decided to tell Kip, then that was a different story. Either way, it wasn't very significant to now, aside from being a measure of just how angry Reb was -and that didn't really matter.

"Aside from being upset, he's alright though, right?" asked Lars, deciding that showing concern and respect to Reb was probably the best thing he could do. Lars didn't really have anything against Reb, aside from thinking his reaction at the festival had been hypersensitive in some respects, as Lars hadn't done anything to Kip at that place.

However, Reb had been rightfully upset, Kip's description explained it well, and Lars knew he'd done a few things out of line when he was mad. His infamous video out to the world to see of him slamming his hands on the table and shouting "FOCK!" in James' face during Some Kind of Monster, when it had seemed that everything was falling apart was definitely one of them. Considering the current situation, had Lars not learned to be a little more patient over the years, it probably would have happened again today. And if Reb had known that Winger was falling apart, he might have reacted in a way he wouldn't have otherwise. 

So Lars couldn't really bring himself to hold it against Reb, as long as he didn't do it again now.

"He's alright, and I mean, if he's not then he will be. He knows I'm not trying to hurt him by letting the past go, and I remind him of that. It's hard seeing him that upset, I'll say that. And that's what I meant out in the hall, because I wish he would let go so that he wouldn't be so hurt by it years later. But just like you can't really control what James does, I can't force Reb to do that. He has to let go and heal on his own too -and I hope he does someday."

Lars bit his lip. That was the first time Kip had directly admitted that something was hard for him, and though the grudge was out of their control, it did make him feel a bit guilty, knowing it was his doing that caused it, which caused him to bite down harder so the stress to his lower lip was visible again.

Which of course, Kip picked right up on. His eyebrows furrowed as his demeanor changed to one of mild concern.

"Lars," Kip warned. To be subtle, he lifted a finger and placed it along his lip as if he were deep in thought, but Lars immediately knew what he was hinting at, releasing his nervous bite. There wasn't a metallic taste this time, so he hadn't drawn blood. As soon as he stopped, Kip continued.

"There's no sense in looking back at the video, because it's not going to change the past or what Reb thinks now. But, part of me is curious to see what would happen if we stayed in at least some level of communication, and how both Reb and James would react to that."

Lars raised his eyebrows, partially out of surprise, and out of questioning.

"Reason being, you've said that James is close to you and has been through a lot with you. You say you want to leave behind the thrash vs. hair-glam-miscellaneous metal band rivalry. I think if you keep showing James what you told me -that you don't care what he thinks about it -he'll eventually see that you're serious about it and it's what you want." 

Kip paused, trying to make eye contact with Lars -a gesture of seriousness and understanding. "I know with what I've seen and heard about James, he feels strongly about a lot of things, but he does care about those he's close to. In that way, he's kind of like Reb -a lot more assertive, leading, and stubborn -but he's got the same sort of thought process going of not changing until he has a proven reason to. You keep standing your ground, Lars, and that may very well be his reason. If he cares that much about you and sees how important it is overtime, he'll respect you on it."

"He might, but I don't know. You really think?" asked Lars, eyes widening slightly as Kip's seemed to look right through them with his own, searching for all his insecurities. It was scary, in some ways, as every point in Kip's description was touching off on them, trying to quell them. In some ways though, it was also very soothing, the combination of the reassurance, being on the sofa in the dimly lit room, and the haze of tiredness over them.

"Well, I could be wrong, but for one Lars, when you're in a band with very little conflict, what happens with other bands stands out more. And when it stands out and you're seeing it from the outer perspective, patterns appear that one wouldn't see from the inside. That, and the history of Metallica isn't exactly a secret, Lars. It gets around all parts of the music industry, because you all are a well known band, and there's a lot to learn from it. James still has a good portion of his old mindset intact -the glam thrash rivalry included -and that's true of anyone who undergoes a big change."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"It doesn't mean that James isn't still changing. Mind if I share a hypothesis, Lars?" asked Kip, adjusting his position on the couch as his arm began to fall asleep, which reminded him... "It's alright if you don't want to right now -I can be a bit complex and lengthy with those, and you're probably tired."

"Insomnia's on board, so that's not a big problem. No, go ahead -I'm curious." Lars rested his chin in his hand in thought.

There's a big debate out there -some argue that no matter what a person does to turn themselves around, they're always the same person and are just as terrible, and then there are some who say people really can turn around one-eighty degrees. From what I've seen -with some of the people I know within the earlier 80s glam-hair metal camp who had personal problems and have overcome them especially -it's not really either. When a person goes through a change of heart, per say, or any other major change in how they act and respond to the pace of life, they still see it the same way. It's the mindset that they take to respond to it that changes, and overtime, that can change the feelings behind it. It's pretty difficult to put into exact words, but if you've been through it, you probably know what I mean."

"Kind of-"

"I'll apply it to someone you know, and maybe that'll help. Name somebody aside from James who you know in the music industry who went through a drastic change, and if I know their story well enough, I can work around it."

One obvious name came right to Lars' mind. "Dave Mustaine."

Kip nodded, eyes lighting up slightly. This one, being well known, was no challenge for him to work around. "He changed a lot over the years in some ways, but he still has his personality and his memories. He still has a fear of abandonment and a past prior to Metallica that was, to anyone who could have experienced it, traumatic. Now, back in the day, how was he when he was with you all?"

"Bitter, wild, rebellious," listed Lars. He sighed. "Goodness, he was a mess. I mean, he was fun when he was in a good way, but when he would get into the drugs and all and then turn fockin' violent, you know, a complete train wreck. It just derailed-"

Kip cut Lars' ramble off. "He was negative about what had happened, and he wanted to respond to it by rebelling, violence, trying to numb it with drugs -and it just got worse after the fact with the breakup. But, how is Dave today -now that he's sober and gotten past things?" Kip waited expectantly.

"I guess word about the Big Four thing went around, and Dave's pretty active in the online media. He did forgive -he still remembers it well, but he's more positive about where he is with Megadeth rather than dwelling on getting kicked out. And he reaches out and is really respectful of us, and others." Lars paused, then grinned playfully. "Or he tries to be -sometimes he lets his big mouth and attitude get away with him, and he says something that makes everyone groan and roll their eyes. He still is full of himself."

Kip grinned too and shook his head, knowing Lars would have made that last remark. 

"And that's it. Dave still sees what he saw then, but he responds to them differently. Of course, he still is Dave, and Dave is notorious to be a little obnoxious, but overall, he's a pretty nice guy now that he has all the old grudges set aside -and there are a few guys I know, as I said, on my side of the divide who are in that same boat. James has changed -he still is James -but he can still change perspective at any time. And I think he would in favor of you. He's not going to necessarily 'like' me, my band, or our music, but I'd be willing to bet that he'd find it in him to respect you wanting to end the rivalry. And when he does, it won't be so bad to him."

Lars nodded, then turned to look back at Kip. "And the same for Reb?"

"In a slightly different way, yes. Reb trusts me -that's something that's been for a long time. My guess is that if we continue to communicate, James will respond to you the way I described, and gradually, if Reb sees that nothing negative is happening to me out of it, he'll start to change how he sees things too -and I would hope he'd become less bitter and at least ease up on the grudge holding. Reb's not ever going to like Metallica. That won't change -I can tell. He probably won't ever like you either. But how he sees you may change. And that will really heal up the past."

Kip stopped, looked up for a minute, eyes unreadable for Lars as they were half the time, but in a way, he almost looked vulnerable. Then he sighed, like a person about to admit something deep. Like he was about to spill his guts on something. Open up to Lars something he usually kept guarded.

Lars felt his heart skip a beat, and he sat forward in anticipation, almost concerned.

"My own perspective of you, Lars, has changed in the past two days. If it says anything, I don't trust easily either, but right now, everything's telling me to trust you. And if I trust you, it'll mean something to Reb, and possibly to James too. We're in it together, if you will." Kip chuckled nervously. "You've been plenty nervous, and look here -I'm a little nervous too. I guess if we're on the same page there, then there's no need to be nervous of each other."

Lars blew out a shaky sigh. "I guess not."

"So... I guess we can figure out modes of communication sometime in the next couple of days?" prompted Kip.

Lars nodded eagerly. "I'll definitely keep trying to stand my ground with James on this. This -it was stupid back then, and I'd have never guessed such a fockin' ridiculous stereotype would cause so much trouble later or anything, and I am sorry that Reb's been that traumatized by it-"

"Hey, no more of that. Will you quit it?" asked Kip exasperatedly, though his tone was playful and he was smirking. "It could have just as easily been another band to do it, and you all could have just as easily done it to another band. It's clear between the two of us, and we're working on clearing it between Metallica and Winger entirely, and from there, we'll see what happens."

Lars nodded in agreement.

"I think we have our worries sorted out for tonight... And probably went further than that. But that's okay. For now, let's call it a night, and if anything else comes to mind, we'll figure it out by the end of the week," said Kip conclusively.

Lars smiled subtly, getting up from the sofa. "Okay, then. Goodnight." Lars left to return to his room for the final time tonight. It was 1:00 in the morning now.

Lars pondered Kip's explanations about the positives in store -not only for them, but their bandmates. Maybe James really would eventually support him. And Kip wanted to stay in communication? The news couldn't be any better -for Lars to get further and possibly form a relationship. 

But what really struck him was what Kip said about his own trust, when Kip opened up and spilled his guts in just about the most gentle and eloquent way a person could do so. Kip struggled with trust. Lars knew he'd probably contributed to that reservation of trust. But Kip saw him as a good person, and he _wanted_ to _trust_ him. Trust. Such a delicate thing, and the biggest obstacle Lars faced, and Kip was trying to clear it before he really had to struggle with it.

There was something about that which felt better than anything else. It left a pleasant warm feeling in his heart that slightly calmed the butterflies in his stomach. Sure, he was doubtful. But maybe...

Kip, on the other hand, thought about the conversation as he put back the sheets he'd managed to untuck in his restlessness earlier. He hadn't planned to say that he was struggling with trust. But when it came down to that point in the conversation, how nervous Lars had seemed about James, and staying in touch -it came naturally. Just like everything inside him was telling him trusting Lars was the right thing to do, admitting he wanted to trust him seemed like the right thing to say. There was an instinctive force to try and ease Lars' nervousness.

And there was something appreciative in Lars' eyes that Kip saw when he did. The nerves, along with a real regret and a need to tiptoe around him fading a bit, as though it was assuring Lars that things were indeed in the past. There was something else with it. Something Kip had questioned all along, and though he wasn't sure, he decided to let time tell the answer to that one. After all, they were going to keep in communication, so there was no rush. In a way, it was almost exciting. Thinking it through while explaining to Lars also was reassuring to himself. This really could potentially have good outcomes all around.

He decided would still keep on guard for signs of a turnaround, as he'd promised Reb, but he had a deep feeling -for sure now -that there wouldn't be one.

Kip finished fixing the bed and climbed back in. Down on the opposite end of the hall and on the other side of many other rooms, Lars was also getting back in bed. Both were preparing to face the battle of falling asleep again. 

This time, they won it almost immediately.


	9. Love Too Tough to Tame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars and Kip secure their decision to maintain communication after confiding in their bandmates. The decision feels right; however, uncertainty still lurks under the surface in the form of past trauma,

As the result of insomnia and staying up late, both Lars and Kip ended up sleeping later than usual. Which was noticeable to their bandmates, as both Lars and Kip tended to be the earliest risers of Metallica and Winger respectively.

James noticed, and he was bitter with Lars, having his suspicions. He didn't realize that Lars had actually talked to Kip last night, but he had a feeling that Lars' mind had been on him.

Lars first encountered James when he was the last to come out of his room at just a minute before the time they'd set to meet up in the hall to go to breakfast together.

"Funny for you to sleep in until 10:30 in the morning these days, Lars," murmured James darkly. "You were the last one up today. Wonder what had you up so late last night to keep you in bed so late today."

"I suggest you fockin' stop right now, James. You're the one who always says you don't want a day to start off on the wrong foot, and you're the one making it happen right now," growled Lars.

"I'm going to be down in the lobby waiting for the rest of you. Better not drag your feet." James walked off swiftly, leaving the iciness of his mood in the air.

Lars glared after him.

_Get over it, James,_ he thought internally, already having been infected by the attitude. _You're the only one in this band making a problem out of this!_

Thankfully, Kirk rescued Lars from his impending bad mood before it could cross the threshold past which it would go all day. He'd been treading uneasily, staying inside the doorway of his room whilst hearing James and Lars in the hall, but as soon as James was off down the hall and into the elevator, he walked out of his room.

"Hey, Lars," Kirk greeted.

"Hey."

"Lars, if it's not personal, you were pretty late waking up and coming out of your room this morning for you. What's going on? I mean, if it's private, you don't have to -I just want to make sure you're alright."

"Don't worry, Kirk. I'm alright. Actually, last night after we talked was pretty good."

"Anything happen?" Kirk was curious of the implication of Lars' response.

"I ran into Kip in the hall -apparently they're down on the opposite end of the hall on our floor. Kirk, I'm not sure how things will be in the long run..." Lars paused, feeling his heart jump with excitement again, and knew he was probably sporting a euphoric grin that was making him look like a fool, but he didn't care. "Um... But I think I just got the best news I could ask for in just a couple of days."

"What'd he say?" asked Kirk eagerly.

"A lot of things, actually. Um, only one of them was really big for me, but they're all kind of connected in a way. I guess I also can consider it a good thing that I'm not the only one struggling, but then it's not so great for me... apparently Reb is still holding a grudge and really upset -he saw us in the lobby and Kip said he got really worked up."

Kirk shrugged. "Well, I'm aware Reb has pretty much said he's not keen on any of us in Metallica -not just you -so even if he weren't holding a grudge against you, I wouldn't be surprised about that."

"The catch is, Kirk," Lars paused. "I know some of it is because he wants to see if he can help Reb -and he mentioned it might help James look at things differently too, who knows -but he said that _he wants to stay in communication with me._ To see what happens. As in long term. After we leave here -like over phone or email. We're possibly going to continue talking to each other."

Kirk's demeanor changed to one of mild surprise -of a good kind. 

"That sounds like a good sign, Lars. If he didn't want anything to do with you and didn't feel comfortable communicating with you, I don't think he'd suggest that. Even if it was to also make Reb feel better -because if he didn't feel comfortable with you, there's no way he would believe he could help Reb with that."

"That's what I thought too. And what he said next, Kirk... He did admit to being a bit nervous, but he told me that he didn't want me to feel like I have to tiptoe around him, because we're going through this getting over old stuff together. Um, I guess what really struck me -or did strike me; I can barely make sense of it, because I can hardly believe it's true and happening so fast. Kip said that he wants to _trust_ me. That he feels like he should trust me -even though he also said that he doesn't trust easily. Do you realize what that felt like, Kirk, and what that could mean?"

Lars was beginning to hyperventilate ever so slightly with excitement, which he felt was making him look foolish and lovestruck. But part of him didn't care, because _to focking hell with it, he was!_ As Lars retold the events of the night, his mind further processed them, and as they sunk in, his feelings about them were increasingly becoming less unsure and more positive.

Kirk shrugged.

"I know I can't see any bad news in that, Lars. That's nothing but good if he doesn't trust easily. I would think he sees good in you if he's willing to follow whatever he meant by feeling he should trust you."

"What does he mean by that, though?" asked Lars.

"I don't know," admitted Kirk. He smiled nervously. "But it sounds promising in my mind. Something's behind that feeling, whatever it is. You're in a good spot, Lars. Definitely keep it up with him, see where it goes -and hopefully it gets even better."

Just then, Rob came out of his room and began heading down to the elevators.

"Well, I guess we'd better get going and not keep James waiting. Last thing we need is to build on his world class mood," said Kirk, changing the subject.

Lars checked his watch. Five minutes.

"Yeah, we'd better, 'cause I think we already have."

 

At the same time, Kip was having his own conversation of the morning down the hall.

He felt fortunate enough that the only one of his bandmates up before him was exactly who he was looking for, making things a whole lot easier for him than it had been for Lars.

"I got up before you? What's the meaning of this?!" asked Rod jokingly as Kip emerged from his room to meet him in the hall.

"Not an everyday occurrence," Kip responded impishly, playing along with Rod.

"I don't think it's too concerning, given the others are all still asleep. And I went to bed early last night, so I'm up earlier too. Now, if you had slept in past Reb, I'd be hauling you off to a doctor to get checked out!"

"Aw, come on now, Rod; Reb's not _that_ bad..."

Rod snorted, shaking his head. "Oh, he'll get up when you tell him he has to be up, but he will do anything he can to sleep in as late as possible!"

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with that," declared Kip, before getting serious. "No, actually I had a rare bit of insomnia last night. I've got a few things to think about and really consider."

"Really? What about?" Rod opened his room door. "Come on inside and tell me."

"Funny you ask -you're the one I actually wanted to talk to about it. Though you're probably going to think it's crazy -if I think it's crazy, then I know you will." Kip followed Rod inside.

"Uh-oh. You're onto something risky; I can tell. _Ohhh, dear_ , I guess I'd better brace myself," moaned Rod in a drawn out way of mock dread. He meant it, but was still being playful to a point.

"Oh, really?" asked Kip with a smirk. "How?"

"You have that glint in your eye you get when you have a challenge that only someone who's known you long enough would know to look for. You could fool a lot of people, but not me." Rod sat down on the edge of his bed. "Well, go ahead. Spill the beans."

"Since we've gotten here, there have been a few other bands we've encountered in the past around the concert hall. That's to start," began Kip, deciding to ease into it rather than shocking Rod at once.

"Yeah, I know. What about them?" Rod got serious.

Kip sat down on the edge of the bed a couple of feet from Rod so he could sit sideways and face him.

"So the other day at the venue, I happened to cross paths with Lars Ulrich in the hallway, and he was acting kind of funny. I stopped because I suspected he had something to say to me, and sure enough, he did."

"Oh _lord_ , -what does _he_ want?"

"That's what I was wondering from the moment I saw him and called him over, because he was acting nervous as hell. I'm not kidding Rod; he was flinching at everything and stuttering like he was afraid of me -I thought he was going to throw up at first."

"So he came looking for you instead of bolting, but he's still scared. Ashamed?"

"Very much so; I actually had to tell him to calm down so he'd quit stammering, and he still asked to talk to me as if I wasn't going to let him after approaching him-"

"-Not to mention your ridiculous level of curiosity -"

"-That too," agreed Kip, holding up a finger. "He was ashamed or himself, and I could that was why he was so nervous -didn't stop me from being curious about what exactly he wanted to say, so I prompted him. So then he went on to say he knew it was late, but that he was sorry. And you know that I'm over that stuff and I'm not really angry -I was surprised that he came to me -so you know, I told him that I don't have any ills myself -not speaking for any of you of course."

"Well, you know I'm pretty much over it too -I just choose to let sleeping dogs lie and stay away from him. Maybe the only reason he came to you was because he was looking for you on his own accord and not because you tried to go to him?" conjectured Rod. "And for crying out loud, Kip, when he did that, that was the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen anyone in the music industry do -go running away like that."

Kip smirked. "It sure was. I kind of do have to wonder how badly he wanted to take off -not that he had bodyguards to hide with this time. He bit his lip bloody and I had to tell him to stop and settle down. Mainly because I wanted to ask him 'what for?' the way I had been trying to that time, and I didn't want him to get too nervous and run before I could ask. But he did stay, and it was by his own choice."

"Did he tell you?"

"Yeah, he actually did -based on the way he initially reacted, I think he knew I would ask for it too. He wasn't looking forward to it, but he knew it was coming."

Rod raised his eyebrows, intrigued. "And his explanation?"

"What you'd expect," said Kip, shrugging casually. "Same as with everything else -just the thrash vs. glam-hair mindset, and it seems we don't get too lucky with the random pick of the band to get picked on."

"Yeah, don't we know it," snorted Rod.

"I'm still a bit skeptical on it just being that myself," Kip admitted. "Then again, we'd just released In The Heart of the Young about that time, and that was probably when we were having the peak of the momentum we had then, so I can see where it could have been a matter of what they were able to get ahold of easily. Either way, I will say he seemed genuinely ashamed of it. He said it was stupid-"

"Oh, it was stupid," Rod interjected.

"I'm not saying it wasn't either. It was -and by the way he was acting and wording himself, I think that's why he ran away from me when I tried to ask him back then, because he knew it was."

"Funny I remember you telling about how odd it was when he approached you at that festival -what was it, in 1993? The one where Paul got hit with the rock and it was one of his last straws he had before saying he had to leave? And you said he didn't run away then, but he'd run into you and was unexpectedly nice."

"Yes, it was '93. That one. Maybe he scattered his thought process when we caught each other by surprise -that's so long ago it doesn't really matter what he was thinking then. But I wasn't really thinking of asking him then, because I was trying to stay positive and just not worry about it. I don't think he expected me to ask then. I wasn't directly approaching him then either."

"Maybe that gave him a bit of humility in the situation," Rod snorted.

"Could have been -I don't recall seeing him until that time in 2012 after that. Anyhow -and this is where the curiosity factor comes in -he wanted to explain himself more, and said something about wanting to try and clear this between us. Which, I know is iffy sounding. But he did have more to say, and we kind of had to get going, so we agreed to meet up yesterday and finish the conversation. I will admit, he's interesting to talk to -different kind of perspective. But, since I'm still trying to figure out what exactly is the deal here, I'm considering seeing if I can stay in communication with Lars after we leave here. Because he's got me curious now."

Rod stayed quiet for a minute, looking up to the ceiling thoughtfully and processing it before responding.

"Kip, you know that I know full well that if you've made up your mind on something, you're not changing it unless you yourself decide on changing it. Honestly, you're strong willed and stubborn -we all love you for it -but I'd be trying to drive my head through a brick wall. And if you were to decide to try and drive your head through a brick wall, you would try to do it regardless of what anyone told you until you were convinced yourself that you couldn't."

Kip chuckled. "Aw, come on now, Rod. I'm not _that_ stubborn. Man, first you get all over Reb, and now on me too."

Rod gave a rueful expression reflecting the half-playful, half-serious exchange. "Okay, no. You're not that bad either. Except when somebody tells you to do something of the sort using a particular word that starts with 'd' -then heaven help us all -but you get what I mean. So no, I'm not going to direct you on this. It's not really my business anyway. You know I don't like getting into stuff that's not mine to control. Just please, for the love of Pete -be careful. I don't think there's anything he can really do to us anymore, so it's not as worrisome now, but still, just watch yourself. You're gonna have poor Reb go through the ceiling if you don't."

Kip got serious then. 

"I know -trust me. And Reb knows. He came down to the lobby at some point when I was talking to Lars. I didn't even know he had until I went to check in on him, and he wasn't too happy with me. On his bed all shrunk in on himself."

"Oh, so _that's_ why he was in such a mood last night until we got onstage."

"He wasn't happy." Kip nodded with agreement, expression unreadable, deep in thought too. "And you know, I assured him I am going to be careful -and I understand where he's coming from. He did catch me by surprise in just how deep he drilled this one in his mind though -I think he's just as upset as he was when it first happened. Maybe I shouldn't be so surprised about that; Reb never has let go of things easily-"

"He takes things very personally too -to the point at which an attack on any of us is right on him. Especially if it's aimed at you. He cares about you, Kip, a lot -you know he'd risk everything and getting into trouble to try and protect you," added Rod.

"That's true too. I can't tell if he's more worried about Lars going after me, or him, but he was definitely traumatized -more than I realized, and it's not like I didn't know he was."

"Reb always seemed more traumatized than Paul, and you'd think it'd be him struggling the most given he had to leave." Rod shrugged.

"That's interesting, but it's believable when you look at it. You see, Rod, Paul decided to stop when it was getting to be too much for him, and I'd be willing to bet that was what saved him from it and helped him heal from what he had. Reb hung in there, and I think he was just building it up from then until the end -and he was consumed by it when we broke up. That said, he also had the shakes when I made him come up to me, trying to reassure him, you know. I think he tried to play it off as trusting me, but he was still upset, and I know he's very uncomfortable with it -there's not much I can do there. I'm feeling more comfortable than I would ever think I'd be, but I am on guard."

Kip's tone shifted. "Thing is, Rod -and I know you're shaking your head at my curiousity-"

Rod grinned sheepishly and lifted his hands to his mouth as if to hide it. "No I'm not!"

"Yes; yes you are! Don't deny it." Kip grinned back, having intended to lighten the tension some. "Part of me wants to see not only will happen if I stay in communication with Lars, but, should things go right - _if_ they do, and that's a big if -would it eventually help Reb to not be so fearful in seeing that nothing negative happens. Now, it's not going to help him overnight -it will inevitably make him more uncomfortable at first -already has -but if there's a chance it could help him, it might be worthwhile in that way too."

Rod sighed. 

"I think all of us are bound to be uncomfortable to a degree, considering the past, but it's your choice, you do what you want unless you see trouble with it. If you do see trouble, get yourself away from it, pronto."

He paused with subtle smile that was lighthearted and nervous at the same time. 

"To be honest, Kip, while I wouldn't have it in me to keep it up with him, I'm almost curious to see what it's about and what'll happen myself, because that sure is something. And that's saying a lot too, because you know that if I don't know what to make of something, I leave it alone!"

Kip gave a forceful exhale out his nose that was an incomplete beginning of a laugh.

"Yeah, and if you leave everything alone, then you're not living. You gotta poke at some things if you want an adventure."

Rod shook his head. "Tell Paul once he's up and fully awake. He'll be weary of it, and a bit weirded out at first, but then he'll get a kick out of you and your curiosity -despite how at the time it was a good deal of what burned him out. You might be on to something with his situation. John will probably be indifferent -he doesn't seem to care so much about it because he wasn't with us right when that happened. He'll still tell you to be careful though -you know that part."

Kip smirked. "You all are always telling me that. I do listen, contrary to what one would think at times."

Rod grinned ruefully again. "We can't do much else, now, can we?" 

There was a momentary pause between both Rod and Kip, then the door of the room next to Rod's opened, the noise audible through the wall.

"Looks like Paul's up and ready," announced Kip.

"Alright then, I guess you're gonna go tell him," chuckled Rod.

"You wanna come along?" invited Kip. "After all, you're the one saying he's gonna get a kick out of it.

"Well..." Rod stood up, then shrugged. He imagined it could be priceless, and if not, then he'd be there to help Paul stay calm. "Why the heck not?"

"Let's go then."

And with that, Kip and Rod left Rod's room to follow Paul down for another interesting discussion in the lobby.

**********

Lars knew it had been too much to hope that James wouldn't have carried on what he'd started when they met when Metallica sat down to breakfast together. There were five minutes of peace, and then James slowly looked up from his plate, shooting a stinging, questioning look at Lars where he sat across the table with Kirk.

"So, I would like to know... What was it that went on last night that would keep Lars in bed this morning later than everyone else? _Something_ that kept him up late, I suppose?"

There was a dark tone of disappointment, and James' voice was lower and deeper than usual. His purely intimidating voice he used when he was pissed with somebody and showing he wouldn't hear out the opposing argument. It simply said 'no discussion' about the underlying issue.

James didn't use that voice all too often these days. Very seldom with people outside the band, and the last time Lars could really recall him aiming it at a member within the band in a significant way was when Jason had wanted to do Echobrain. To which James had given a stern: "No."

Lars felt a chill up his spine at that tone, and he did his best to resist the reflexive shiver, hoping he'd managed to at least not show it had happened. 

Kirk, who had been drinking from his coffee mug, swallowed hard with an audible gulp. He set his mug down on the table, his eyes stricken with his nervous look that always made him appear like he was either going to cry or be sick. Then, he picked up his phone and start scrolling through where he had the news pulled up with sudden great interest. 

Lars couldn't tell if that was a display of wanting to change the topic, means of hiding from James that he supported Lars, both, or something completely different, but he wanted to follow Kirk and take out his own phone to avoid James' question.

Rob simply sat next to James, watching carefully and silently from behind his laptop he had been poking around with.

"Lars," warned James forcefully, demanding an answer.

Lars rolled his eyes and sighed.

"I had trouble sleeping, okay? I couldn't turn my mind off to fall asleep. So I tried to distract myself from it and try again later -so yeah, as a matter of fact, I was up late. I went and walked around the hall, hung out and shot the shit for a bit, and after a couple of hours I was fine. I'm not the only person who was up late last night." 

What he really wanted to say was screaming through his mind:

_Get over it! You're making a big deal out of nothing and it's not your business, so focking get over it and shut up!_

James rubbed his temples and groaned.

"Alright, now I've just about had it up to here, Lars. Whatever shit you're messing around with, stop it. You're really overstepping boundaries now."

Lars had to wonder if James was being like this as a joke to test his patience and see if he really was serious. It definitely wasn't amusing if James thought it was.

"What do you mean, and what do even know about what I was doing last night when you weren't with me? Fockin' Christ, James; who pissed in your cereal?"

"Lars, we are in a hotel, not in a dorm. Unless you're traveling in a group and they're in another room, it's not normal to go visiting rooms down the hall or to have visitors in your room," said James darkly.

Behind his phone screen, Kirk snorted, failing to completely stifle a laugh.

James grouched. "Kirk, you quiet!"

Kirk raised his eyebrows, put his phone down on the table, and looked at James, now completely serious. James had apparently unleashed the very hard-to-reach argumentative side of Kirk -which wasn't always predictable.

_Oh, shit,_ thought Lars.

"Who said I was laughing at what you were saying, James? Calm down. Stop getting all defensive and jumping to conclusions -we did this ten years ago, and none of us want that again. Seriously, dude, I'm with Lars right now. What's your problem? And what if I told you that Lars was hanging out and having a conversation with me in my room last night? What's wrong with that?"

Maybe that hadn't been why Lars had been up so late, but Lars had indeed been in Kirk's room talking with him, so it wasn't exactly a lie.

James groaned, lost for an answer, and ducked over his plate, going back to his food.

Lars looked over at Kirk. Kirk, making sure James wasn't watching, cast a sidelong glance at Lars and winked.

Lars beamed.

Maybe Kirk's guitar talent was debatable from different standpoints, but his good personality and his ability to come up with a solution really quick in a pinch most certainly were not.

In a manor rather brave for himself, given still being the inevitable odd one out, Rob looked up from his computer and broke the silence to propose his take.

"Well, I don't think any of us wanted the day to start this way either. We're playing at a sports-plex across town tonight, and according to our site, I think we're sold out. I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to go about today as if that didn't just happen and have myself a good time, and if you guys want to join in with me on that, then great."

Kirk nodded. "Sounds like a good plan."

"I'm certainly with it," Lars chimed in.

James looked up and simply nodded. With that, not another word was spoken about Lars' interest in Kip that morning. And not another word about it came from James for the rest of the day.

Whether trouble was brewing with James or not was unclear. His silence following Kirk's shutdown was a sign he'd been forced to think about everything -for better or for worse. Regardless, the lack of the argument helped a lot. The combination of going onstage that night with everyone acting normal -James climbing up on the drum riser during an instrumental break and head banging about and smiling with Lars as if nothing were wrong, unlike the previous night -in addition to knowing where he was with Kip made Lars question again if he was living in a dream. If it was, he hoped to never wake up.

It was real though, which was even better to Lars. Following the show, James continued to stay off his rants, Kirk and Rob weren't hanging back, and they were simply having a fun night together. The only way it could have been better for Lars was if he'd been able to actually see Kip.

The following day, however, was one of Metallica's break days from performing. A whole day off.

It couldn't have worked out any more perfect for Lars.

Especially since it coincided with one of Winger's off-days too. Which meant that despite both bands spending most of the day out and about with each other, there would definitely be a chance for for Lars to see Kip and further plan what they'd discussed during their late night chat -means of keeping in touch after departure. Assuming James continued to adhere to a Rob's advice, Lars would get both in one day.

He did. Working out a time wasn't difficult either, because with an off day, Kirk had opted to stay up until 3:00 in the morning watching his horror series. He was sleeping in late, so Metallica had collectively agreed the previous night to not go out and do anything until mid-afternoon. All of them had stayed out later that night, knowing they didn't have anywhere to be anyway. 

Winger had all collectively made the same decision to stay in until afternoon so that they could enjoy a slow morning -or, for Reb Beach, sleeping in past noon too.

However, returning an hour later from a casual walk about town he'd taken to wake himself up at around 11:30, Lars ran into Kip, who was in the lobby on his laptop. He had on headphones, and Lars could see from the side of the screen walking by that it had some software on it for composing.

He was planning on walking by and coming back a few minutes later, debating whether it would be such a good idea to distract Kip, but then came the calm and flat accent that stopped him in his tracks.

"Hey, you."

Lars turned around, having to fight hard not to blush or smile in a way that would look stupid.

"Hey."

"How are things, Lars?"

Lars grinned in a more facetious way.

"For better or worse, Rob shut James down for being ridiculous yesterday, so he's being a bit more tame -for now at least."

Kip raised his eyebrows in that way that Lars couldn't decipher but found striking.

"Well, that's good for now. Reb seemed to be alright yesterday, so that's also all well. Heard you all sold out last night?"

"Yes." Lars nodded. He placed his hand up against the other, empty chair at the table Kip was stationed at and leaned casually.

"So did we. Smaller auditorium, but we have our reasons why we're alright with that." Kip looked up receptively. "If you're not busy or off to someplace, you can sit down if you like. I'm not up to anything serious -just messing with progressions and seeing what I end up making out of it."

Lars sat down. He wasn't going to argue with that, despite not wanting to distract Kip on it.

"I talked to Rod," started Kip.

Lars looked up. 

"I didn't talk to Reb about it, because he's touchy now, but the others don't have anything major against us staying in communication like we mentioned, so if you're onboard with it still, that's a go."

Lars felt his eyes widen and hoped it wasn't by too obvious an amount. That had been a surprise -and good news.

"Sure. Um, is now a good time to discuss how to go about that?" asked Lars.

"We're in a common area without too much of a rush at the moment, so I don't see why not if it's alright with you," said Kip. He saved his work and closed his laptop. "Tell you what, let's decide that now."

Lars nodded. "Okay. I guess the biggest question is what method to go by."

"There are more options than back in the 80s and 90s, I'll say that," said Kip with a smirk.

"That's true," said Lars, trying to look down and not stare at the smirk.

"I'd avoid forms of social media though -even on private profiles -since it's uncertain at this point how long we'll stay in contact and what will happen. And, people getting into stuff-"

"Oh, definitely not," said Lars. "I'd say stick to the basics -phone or email -whichever is easier."

"If that's what we're doing," said Kip thoughtfully, looking up, "I'd say that phone is going to be easier -more for you to be able to reach me than for me to reach you. We're mainly on a bus; you all tend to fly between places -which I get the reasoning for-"

Lars shook his head. "Yeah. It's probably fine, but we all have aversions to buses, and if we can avoid it, we do."

"So, you all probably have wi-fi with a lot of airlines, which works for email and computers. However, on the bus, it depends on the satellite, which is unpredictable with weather and certain places we don't get coverage. And there are places cell service drops out, but on a weak signal, texts still go through most of the time."

"And the texting will work over wi-fi on planes in airplane mode too, so even if calls are out of the question, there's way. So phone it is," agreed Lars. "How often?"

"Good question. We'd definitely have to make ourselves aware of our tour and show schedules so we wouldn't be calling at bad times. I'd assume that would be easier as time went on -something to just figure out. Let's start out with about once a week. Maybe twice if time allows, and then we can decide from there."

"Alright, cool." Lars smiled, still keeping most of it in check.

Kip pulled his phone out.

"We're here, so we might as well plug that in now so we don't forget. After all this conversation, you'd think we wouldn't, but you'd be surprised."

"I've had plenty of surprises with my band, so I know it," chuckled Lars, shuddering. He didn't know Kip's thoughts for sure, but he didn't want to forget, despite that he knew that at least he wouldn't.

Less than a minute later, the numbers were saved into each other's contact lists.

"And now when we leave, we still have this," said Kip. 

"So then that's settled," said Lars. 

He waited for a response, and noted an odd change in Kip's expression.

"You know, Lars, this is going to sound completely ridiculous, and you're probably going to wonder like Rod does sometimes if I've lost my marbles, but I just thought of something an old mentor of mine used to always tell me."

"Who, Alice Cooper?" asked Lars. He at least _knew_ that Kip had been with Alice at one point in his early days, and Lars knew well now since reestablishing friendship with Dave how Alice not only looked out for Dave too, but tended to keep in contact and look after everyone he had worked with. 

"How'd you know?" asked Kip jokingly. "I'm kidding; it's no secret how Alice is, and yes, it is him. He always told me that if I was with somebody I'd wanted to keep in contact with or remember that I should have something to remember them by, or some documentation. That way, even if we did fall out of communication for whatever reason, I wouldn't forget and we'd remember to try and look for opportunity to reconnect -or at least remember for the sake of it. So, for example, when Reb and I finally caught on with each other, we put together a riff together and recorded it. We had those tracks playing together on tape to remember each other by, and it also made me think of his playing style as a fit when I was looking for a guitarist."

"Interesting," said Lars. He wouldn't have minded having something with him to remember Kip by anyway even if they were calling -just for between calls.

"We're not writing or playing together though-"

"The styles would clash," Lars cut in.

"-for sure," said Kip, shaking his head. "So something else."

"Too bad recording a clip of discussion about this would probably be too big a file to send between phones," said Lars.

"That's an idea," said Kip. "But that's unpredictable too, without compressing."

"Maybe Rob would know," suggested Lars. "If it's okay with you for him to come down. He's been coming up with a lot of good ideas for us as a band lately that I definitely wouldn't think of."

Kip shrugged.

"Sure, that's fine." From the other night, he didn't see any problem between himself and Rob.

Lars messaged for Rob to come down, knowing that Rob would be awake by now. It was just after 12:30. 

Rob responded almost right away that he was coming. Lars made mental note to thank him later for everything he'd helped with.

"Alright, he's on the way down," said Lars, before deciding he had to know more about the earlier days. "So what was it like being with Alice?"

Kip smiled nostalgically.

"Alice is great. I went in feeling ready for the rock star life, but I still learned from being around him. He's an interesting guy -both under his persona and as his normal self. And it was fun performing. Not the average rock star's definition of fun, I should add -being onstage with all the blood, and the snakes. Now that was another thing that made it interesting when deciding on road crew. Part of the criteria was having them go through a van with either the snake on the loose in it, or some other surprise hidden, and they had to search through and not panic and jump or scream if they got caught by surprise." 

He paused, his smile turning facetious. "And I can say, it was probably more enjoyable than the antics onstage watching potential crew hires fail their test."

Lars laughed. Loudly and spontaneously before the humor of the entirety of Kip's statement set in, so when it did, he laughed harder. He tried to bite his lip and stop himself, surprised Kip wasn't shushing him. He let go right away though, knowing Kip would tell him to stop that too, and that meant he started to laugh harder again.

"Hang on a minute," started Kip, pointing in a mock scolding manor, smirking mischievously and making it painfully difficult for Lars to settle down given how obvious it was that he found it funny too underneath his stoic act. "So you think that's funny; the crew getting jump scares. Now I'm curious as to why, so you're going to have to tell me: what is it that's so funny about th-?"

Just then, there was the loud noise of a phone camera going off.

Kip's smirk quickly vanished underneath stone-faced seriousness and he cautiously began to shift his line of sight over in the direction from which it came. 

Lars, on the other hand flinched so hard he nearly jumped out of his skin. His expression was one of pure horror -eyes huge, mouth open, turning pale at first as if he was hit with the dread of an impending doom, then flushing deep in the cheeks as he looked over to see ...just Rob. Standing there smiling innocently with his phone.

"HEY!" shouted Lars, looking embarrassed, slightly disgruntled, but also amused, like he was unsure whether it was more annoying or funny. He then blew out a deep sigh and shook his head, his palm over his eyes.

"Oh my goodness; don't ever fockin' do that again -you're gonna scare the shit out of me! I said to help us _document_ this, not sneak up with a phone camera and set it off without warning to give me a heart attack!"

Kip laughed, releasing nervous tension. The look on Lars' face when the camera flashed had been priceless, and knowing now it was Rob and there was no danger, he couldn't see any sense in being upset about it.

"Lars, I can tell you would not pass the Alice test," he quipped.

"I would expect a jump from Alice, but not from Rob!" Lars retorted.

"Hey, it is a form of documentation. And it had to be impromptu for it to turn out right. Nothing ever turns out as good staged as it could be unexpected," said Rob. "I think it's a great thing for Metallica and Winger, and for you two individually this week. And it's something for you two to remember too."

Lars' phone buzzed.

"That should be it. I just sent it to you. And if you want, Kip, I can send it to you too. After that, I'll delete it from mine. You all don't have to worry about anything."

"Sure, you can go ahead and send it -that's alright. Maybe I'll keep it and maybe I won't, but after that jump scare, I want to see if it was worth it," replied Kip.

Rob went over to Kip to get his phone contact so he could send it over just as Lars checked his own phone and started snickering again.

"If that's an indicator of what it looks like, then I take it it's funny," said Kip flatly in response to Lars' reaction.

"Oh, it's pretty funny," said Lars. Right as Kip's phone went off receiving it from Rob. 

Kip opened the attachment and a second later smirked, right before his lip hiked up to show his teeth in a genuinely amused smile as he took in the image -Lars starting to flail backwards in hysterics as he pointed matter-of-factly with pure wit at him. It was great. If nothing else, he would evidence to say in the future that he got the better of Lars Ulrich in a moment. That, to Kip, was definitely worth saving. Especially knowing it would remind him of something to laugh with Alice about if and when they ran into each other next.

Lars had to look away to sigh -that smile was definitely on the upper portion of his list of things he'd noticed about Kip that were going to be the death of him.

"Saved," said Kip firmly, saving the image to his phone. "Alright, all jokes aside, I think we can let that jump scare go by. I might just have to agree with Rob on that one."

"Glad I didn't traumatize you two too badly with that then," replied Rob. He pressed an icon on his phone, and then held it up with his gallery thumbnails. "It's gone from mine now too, so it's all yours."

"Alright then. Hey, are James and Kirk up, or still out?" asked Lars, gauging how much time he had left.

"Kirk is still out, I can tell you that, because he has the sign on his door. James doesn't, so he might be up, but it's 1:00 now, and we have no plans until 2:30. He'll probably be getting Kirk up in half an hour though, or sending me to get him up. Make sure you meet us up at 2:00 though," said Rob, turning to leave.

"Your bandmates are getting a late start too then," remarked Kip.

"Given one of them stayed up until 3:00 in the morning, I wouldn't expect anything less."

"I'd be willing to bet that Rod is up -he usually gets up not long after me. Paul and John, it depends on the day who will get up first. Reb's probably still out, or just getting up. I probably need to get him up if it's 1:00 already though-" Kip checked his phone and found it to be 1:05. "Yeah, unless if Rod is getting him up -we're headed out at 2:00, and getting Reb going when he first wakes up can take a few minutes."

"Later, then," said Lars, getting up.

"Knowing how we keep running into each other so easily, we'll probably see each other and talk again before the end of the week," said Kip conclusively.

They didn't end up seeing each other again that day, though things remained peaceful with James, so Lars could hardly complain.

Until, that was, when he got a surprise later in the evening.

Lars stood at the table in the laundry room, sorting, folding up, and neatly stacking his clothes that he'd just taken out of the dryer. 

James, Rob, and Kirk, he knew, would wait until later at night to do their laundry, but Lars found that on off days when they didn't have a performance in the night, if he could get in sometime after 8:00 and before 10:00, the laundry room would be relatively calm, and he wouldn't be competing with as many others for machines. It was right between the business and family crowd that tended to go for it earlier in the evenings, and before the crazy late night crowds returned.

He was in the process of making sure all of his socks were accounted for and not hiding under the rim of the dryer door, when in his peripheral vision, he saw a tall figure with long, straight brown hair rounded the corner in through the doorway. Without much of a thought, Lars turned his head to quickly glance over in a reflexive response. He met a wide set of dark blue-grey eyes that suddenly snapped wide open with surprise and horror. It was that exact moment that Lars' own green eyes filled with the same sudden dread as he realized who it was.

Lars wasn't sure who physically flinched first, but he at least thought he hadn't recoiled as sharply as Reb, who'd practically jumped a foot back. Regaining his bearings, the startled guitarist breathed heavily, taking a cautious, sideways step closer, but still keeping his distance. His features slowly changed to read of disgust and growing agitation.

_What did I actually do here?_ Lars asked himself. _I get it he's probably pissed with me, but I'm just folding my clothes!_

In some ways, Reb's stance reminded Lars of an angered cat -one that would have been standing sideways, back arched, tail fuzzed, ears flattened, and poised to start hissing profusely. 

As he saw Reb's finger point toward him and his mouth open to speak, Lars knew exactly what was coming. He'd already seen it back at that festival in 1993.

"You know, you've got some serious nerve, Lars Ulrich. You've got some fucking serious nerve."

Reb's voice was low, dark, and cold. It trembled slightly, but unlike their encounter years ago, his voice was slower and steadier -composed. The shaking wasn't from a wild burst of panicked rage, but from a deep, strong anger that had stabilized itself whilst held in reserve for years.

_Oh, Lord, here we go,_ Lars groaned internally.

"Whatever happened to _'don't try it?'_ Do those words maybe sound familiar to you?" Reb demanded.

"Try what?!" snapped Lars in a low growl, trying to keep his volume down as he instead slammed the dryer door shut and paced back over to the table, having determined all his items were out. He remembered full well, and knew the general issue was him being around Kip. But he wanted to see what Reb would say. Maybe if he got Reb going, Reb would say something revealing about the grudge that would help Lars better understand it.

"You leave Kip alone, you hear? Do you not realize what you've already done to him? Don't you think you've done enough? And did you think I would just let you try and do it again? You really thought so?!" Reb's voice grew louder to shouting as he lit into Lars.

Lars felt his face turn red and grow blazing hot. In a cartoon world, he would have had steam blowing out of his ears. He resisted the urge to shout and kept his voice down still, clinching his teeth as he spoke instead. Whether it had been Reb's actual words, or the fact he was shouting and potentially drawing attention, Lars did not know what was agitating him more.

"Reb Beach, you quiet the fock down before you have people calling the front desk, or worse, running down here to us to see what the hell it is you're screaming about! And maybe if you'd hear people out before jumping down their throats, you'd know that I came to him to tell him I was sorry. I am sorry -I did things in the day I wish I could take back, and you can't say I'm alone in that boat, because I'm not. I said I was sorry, okay? What else do you want me to do?! I can't change what I did then!"

"Maybe Kip accepts that apology, but I don't, because that doesn't change who you are -and don't pretend you didn't know what you were doing! You've said it to him, and he feels good from it, which is good for him. But he doesn't need you to manipulate him, because all it's gonna do is hurt him. Stay away from him!"

Lars had to fight hard to not lose his guard with Reb's words saying that Kip felt good about the past few days. It confirmed what he saw to be positive signs. But what was Reb going on about with this 'manipulation' deal? That irked him, and strengthened his resolve.

"I'm not trying to manipulate him, okay? I want to put the past in the past. I'm not the only one in the thrash department who looks back and thinks this whole thing was stupid, and I try to get away from it. And it was Kip who invited us to start fresh and continue talking. I don't object to it, but I'm not forcing it on him either. He's the one suggesting it. I think it'd say something more hurtful for me to push him away!"

"Look, Lars, I know how it is with people like you. You're sneaky. You do things for your benefit. They say people can change, but there are some people who don't change so easily as others, and you look like one of them. If you think I can't see right through your advances on Kip, you are sorely mistaken."

Reb turned around swiftly, yanking open the door of a washing machine that was finished, and snatching out an armful of wet clothes. He moved down the line of stacked washer-dryer units to one that had an unoccupied dryer, threw his clothes in, paid for a cycle and started it, then stormed out of the laundry room.

_"Wow,"_ Lars whispered, at loss for words for Reb's behavior as he saw the guitarist disappear around the doorway. He turned back to his own laundry and internally worked to make sense of it. A second later, Lars heard a noise echo from down the hall that he suspected was Reb slamming back into his room. Lars wasn't sure whether that was simply on accident as the result of Reb being wound up and not thinking about it, or on purpose to reinforce his statement.

Kip was definitely right on the fact that Reb was suffering from a lot of pent up anger and hurt from the past. Reb's behavior did spawn from being traumatized. But there was more to it.

While Reb was trying to put out a stern and strong exterior in confronting Lars, he could see right through it. Reb was so scared! Lars could understand if Reb had been scared back in the 90s. It seemed he knew things were falling apart then, looking back. But what was the problem now aside from Lars simply being here?

The other part to it was simply, Lars concluded, nothing but pure stubbornness. Reb was holding that grudge so tight that he wouldn't even try to see past it. Like Kip had implied, the grudge was the reason Reb could never let it go. To a point, Lars did feel bad, but at the same time, he couldn't help but feel that Reb had brought it on himself. And there was practically every chance Reb would keep pushing Lars away from Kip -all because he was so stubborn.

Regardless of what the issue was, there was one thing besides his feelings -those he felt for Kip, and those that had changed his general attitude from the past -that assured Lars that he was valid in approaching Kip, and he reveled in it as he turned back to folding his laundry and placing it in his collapsible basket he traveled with. 

_Well, Reb, your perception of me in this case is wrong. And if Kip wants to stay in communication with me, then he has the final say -not you._

Or so, Lars _thought_. So he and Kip _both_ thought.


	10. State of Emergency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The week comes to an end, and as Winger and Metallica go their separate ways, Kip and Lars say goodbye with a much different view of each other than in the beginning when they met, and a plan to stay in contact from afar. But will that work out?

The week had progressed through, and it was the last night in Las Vegas, in the same hotel, and the same hallway for Metallica and Winger.

Since exchanging contacts, Lars and Kip had seen each other, and had not yet communicated by phone. It seemed there was any real reason to, being in the same building.

Lars was a bit nervous as to what would happen in the long run -especially with Reb's outburst in the laundry room. He knew that was silly, as Kip was in control of what he did, and he'd decided not to tell Kip about it. Angry as he was at Reb for jumping all over him, he didn't mean harm to him, and he knew better than to make it seem like he did by talking behind him.

Tonight, Metallica hadn't had a performance. They'd decided to have their last day as a day to hang out and have fun together, and then have the evening to themselves to relax and unwind before going back to the grind of flights and drives between shows the next day.

Lars found himself walking around outside. He liked the rare moments he could walk around and see a cityscape in the evening between 8:00 and 9:00 before things went completely dark of natural light and the nighttime bustle got to its peak. Usually he was always getting ready for a show with James, Rob, and Kirk at the optimal time, and he preferred to stay in the quiet and get away from the hectic lifestyle altogether while off the road.

On the other side of the building, unbeknownst to Lars, Winger was returning to the hotel from an early evening performance. Yesterday had been their second off-day, and they'd had their late night shows in the days between since the first day off.

He didn't realize that he'd been noticed walking around -that was, until about twenty minutes later when he came back around the yard surrounding the one side of the building and caught a glimpse of somebody walking in his direction, and flinched reflexively, before blushing, hiding his face with his hands in embarrassment for his reaction, and shaking his head.

"You just scared the focking daylights out of me!" he groaned.

Kip shook his own head with his signature grin. "You startle easier than practically everyone I've met in my life. Well, judging by the time I couldn't have scared that much daylight out of you," he quipped, pointing up to the sky, which was almost completely dark. Just a hint of light still glowed over the horizon. "What are you doing walking around out here all alone at night? The others put you in time out?"

Lars blushed and laughed out loud at that last question without trying to hide it -it was completely unexpected, too funny, and yet not entirely unrealistic with them. Though he felt if anyone was in 'time-out', it was James following Kirk's shut down. Composing himself, he grinned back with a mock-sinisterness, unleashing his own wit. 

"And you have a way of appearing out of nowhere unexpectedly more than anyone else I know too. How'd you know I was out here?"

"Our bus just arrived back about half an hour ago. We were bringing all our stuff that we don't need for tomorrow out to the bus, getting everything packed up and all so there's no rush tomorrow. Wasn't too difficult with the back and forth to notice you were walking around out here."

"Oh." The humor seemed to fade from Lars immediately.

_Where had the time gone?_ It felt like the shortest week of Lars' life.

_Well, I guess they do say that time flies when you're having fun..._

Not everything in the week had necessarily been fun. Lars was pretty nervous still, had been through the week, and the battling with James earlier on hadn't been fun at all. It was still an incredible week, and he wasn't surprised it had flown by. That didn't keep him from being brought down by the realization it was over.

"I'm not sure if we'll see each other before we leave tomorrow. Who knows. We probably will, and it'll probably be in the lobby or the parking lot given the pattern here. In fact, I'd be willing to bet on it," Kip remarked.

Lars tried to smile. "Oh, I'm sure."

"Well, if you'd like -seems to me you didn't look like you were planning on going back inside at least -I can hang out here for a while and talk," offered Kip. "Just in case if this is it for some time."

Lars perked up slightly, despite still dreading the meaning behind that statement. If this was possibly the last time talking in person for an indefinite time, he wasn't going to give it up.

"Sure," he answered. "Should we-" Lars looked around awkwardly, trying to decide if there was any place they should go.

"We can just walk around. You were walking before I got here, and I'm not adverse to it," said Kip, diffusing Lars' sudden nerves. "Let's just keep going around -no worries."

Unbeknownst to Lars and Kip, up on the third floor, Rod had been hanging out on his balcony, and from his viewpoint could see everything as the two met up and then proceeded to carry on walking through the hotel grounds. He hadn't meant to watch, and he knew it was rude to do so, but he had the sudden urge to do so upon noticing the two down there together, and he couldn't hear what they were saying, so he figured it was okay given that. As long as he wasn't eavesdropping on top of watching. He couldn't even see them half of the time when they were around the building.

Rod traced his uncontrollable need to watch back to the conversation the other night. Or maybe it was simply because it _was_ Lars Ulrich after all. But he couldn't quite shake his own curiosity from the other night, or his confusion as to Lars' reasons for having the change of heart he seemed to have had based on Kip's recollections. Or his reasons for approaching Kip, and being so shy and nervous about it too.

Watching, whether it was wrong or right, Rod knew could very well give him the answer, being from an outer perspective. It was amazing what one could learn by simply watching -Rod had found that true over the years after someone had told him that, and if he recalled correctly, Kip had been the one to tell him.

His worry from the other night, despite trusting Kip to take care of himself and know when to get out of trouble, were that Lars was being manipulative, trying to lure Kip into some trap to cause him more trouble. The same as what Reb was terrified of, and what Paul and John had cautioned Kip to watch out for.

Watching, however, was telling Rod otherwise. Oddly enough, Rod didn't see anything remotely like that. Lars seemed completely innocent in the way he was acting, yet still very interested. It was almost as if Lars was in love.

That was the moment it clicked for Rod why Lars would have had such a seeming change of heart regardless of what his bandmates thought. It didn't look like an insincere or manipulative love either -Lars looked struck through with true love.

Rod practically did a double take. He wasn't sure how to wrap his head around that. Almost immediately, he decided not to even try forming thoughts on it, mainly for the sake of Kip. Kip had to go by his own thoughts on Lars, and Rod knew he had no business trying to interfere with it, nor did he want to open a can of worms that wasn't his to open.

He also had to wonder if this had been one of the suspicions for Lars' behavior Kip had alluded to in their morning conversation. Knowing Kip, Rod was pretty certain he'd at least have decoded some of the signs by now. Or maybe he hadn't, given he didn't seem weirded out. But Rod also was aware of Kip's wild curiosity, and if the situation wasn't curious enough from what he'd heard from Kip a few nights ago, Rod had to admit that the added factor of Lars having a crush was indeed quite curious.

Kip hadn't seemed to be too aware of it the other night, and he certainly hadn't mentioned it. The question was, if Kip was aware of it now, was he simply keeping up with Lars for the sake of seeing what would happen? _Or was there more to it?_

Rod couldn't figure that out without seeing more. He felt naughty, and knew he should go back inside, but he was rooted in place. Maybe Kip's curiosity was infectious to him.

He saw the two figures, now more difficult to make out details of in the darkness and shadows cast by the building's features under the artificial lights, but easily distinguishable from each other.

They were either telling stories to each other, or going into some witty argument together -Rod could tell that by the way they were walking while turned to each other and using hand gestures in aid of some explanation. When he saw Lars become less animated and watching Kip intently as Kip became more animated, he deduced that Kip was telling a story.

Rod had a feeling he knew what Kip was recollecting, because he saw Kip take a familiar position to which he had when he'd told the same story during an interview with him.

Sure enough, he saw Kip -not too roughly, but enthusiastically -slap the back of his hand against Lars' forearm. 

_Ouch,_ Rod thought, remembering how he'd gotten it the same way -albeit much rougher. Being bandmates, Kip was less inhibited to roughhouse with Rod.

He could hear faint laughter from below as the two disappeared around the building again.

Not only did Lars appear to be in love, but Kip seemed to have no fear of him whatsoever. He seemed perfectly comfortable, and the two definitely were amused by each other too. The interaction was all positive, friendly, and almost as if they'd known each other in a friendly way much longer than a week.

Which only meant one thing if Kip could see through Lars.

Kip Winger was falling in love with the last person anyone would ever expect him to. Whether he was entirely aware of it for himself yet or not.

And that, Rod definitely couldn't find it in him to debate about with how personal it was to Kip. Even if he would have never expected it in a thousand years, and never would be able to figure out how.

He concluded that as long as everything miraculously ended up working out well, Lars continued to stay true and not damage anyone, and Kip was happy, then he had to accept it as okay.

Seeing Kip laughing down there and appearing amused, and Lars without the slightest bit of a negative vibe toward him, Rod found accepting it surprisingly easier than he would have imagined also.

It would all just come down to whatever happened with working out long distance communication.

************

Sure enough, the next day Lars and Kip saw each other again.

It was outside in the parking lot while loading up vehicles the rest of the way. Everyone was outside, so Lars was trying to stay clear, not wanting James to get going again with Winger around. And he definitely didn't want to rile Reb up.

As he helped secure extra luggage below the bus and sort it neatly, Kip pondered the week as Lars had pondered it last night. The same thoughts Lars had gone through, unbeknownst to him about how fast it had gone by, and the unexpected meetings with Lars that had not only been interesting in ways he'd have never imagined, but rather enjoyable.

To his surprise, Kip found himself a bit sad to see the week come to an ending, despite knowing it inevitably would.

As he headed away from the bus to go back inside and do the last check through the hotel rooms, making sure neither him nor his bandmates had left anything behind before turning in the keys and checking out, Kip met eyes with Lars, who was looking over from where he was placing a duffle bag in the back of one of two vans parked next to each other.

Lars didn't startle this time; rather, he turned and walked away from the van and toward Kip, seeing Kip was away from the bus and Reb.

Kip paused, seeing if Lars was approaching. He was.

"Hey," said Lars, instigating the conversation for once, still timidly as he did so.

Kip smirked. "Well hey yourself -I didn't startle you that time, did I?" 

Lars shook his head, almost starting to smile. _Almost._

"No, not really. Um, I guess it's more a matter of not much to say, or time either, since it's departure time." Lars inwardly prayed he wasn't blushing for what he predicted was nearing the hundredth time of the week. "I guess next time we talk will be over the phone -since we tend to perform at weirder hours, we decided it's easier for me to call first -I'll be sure to do that in the next couple of days... It -maybe it seems weird, but I'm going to miss this."

Kip felt a subtle twist inside, but he couldn't say he found it weird what Lars had said. 

Truthfully, he knew then from that twist that he was going to miss it too.

"Well, I dunno when we'll cross paths again -it doesn't really happen often knowing us. This week being the exception of course, since we were in the same place. But I'll be sure to keep an eye out for your call, and I'll make a call at some point myself later on when we start figuring it out," assured Kip. 

"We may just have to see about making it happen more often in the future. Well, until then, I'll be making the call. And looking out for any of yours. Bye, Kip," said Lars, bidding farewell, managing a smile.

"Goodbye, Lars -and hey, you all travel safe," replied Kip, giving his good wishes in parting with a full smile. He saw Lars' weak smile expand into his real one when he did, and though he'd really only smiled for the purpose of his words, he did feel better seeing Lars perk up.

"You too," called Lars clearly before turning back and climbing into a van with Kirk, feeling touched. _Off to the airport_. Lars knew that buses were technically safe and that there was the chance of a flight going wrong too -especially these days -but nobody in Metallica felt truly safe on a bus since the loss of Cliff. It was definitely something important to everyone in Metallica that travel went through safely with nobody hurt. 

Lars turned to look out the window of the van, seeing everyone climbing aboard the Winger bus. The windows were tinted, but not completely opaque. So when Kip set his bag down, happened to catch a glimpse out the window at Lars, and waved, Lars saw it and grinned, giving a quick wave back. 

Though Kip was quick, Reb could see Kip and figure out what he was doing, and James quite readily saw Lars as he was walking to the other van behind the one Lars was in. Exchanging waves through vehicle windows. Reb was rolling his eyes on the bus, and James was rolling his eyes in the one of the two vans he was in before the wheels on any of the three vehicles could get rolling. What had this come to, and how on earth had this come about?

"I don't get it. How the fuck," muttered James, taking liberty of the fact that Lars was with Kirk in the other van.

"Hey," Rob chided James. "You know what, if it means Lars is in a good mood and it keeps his temper at bay, I think it's a good thing for all of us. And when was the last time you saw Lars get so excited over something or look so happy?"

James raised an eyebrow. "Well, I guess I didn't think of that part -that is true," he admitted. He wasn't quite sure what to make of the situation, but if Lars was seriously going to be in an over the phone relationship with Kip, he had a lot to think about. Sooner or later, he'd have to wrap his head around it, or it would drive him crazy.

Damn it, it already had driven him crazy.

**********

As usual, there was less internal conflict on the northbound bus, and all onboard had resumed normal activity. Reb and Kip had gotten into a jam with their guitars in the lounge, Reb on his electric plugged into his portable amp, Kip on his acoustic, and there wasn't a problem in the world.

Or, so it seemed there wasn't a problem.

Reb was thinking non-stop in his mind, and his thoughts were anything but relaxed. As he looked across the lounge, seeing Kip going to town on his acoustic guitar and giving one of his true, full fledged smiles that only came out around his close friends when he was truly happy.

Kip was happy now. But with Lars Ulrich, or anyone from Metallica for that matter, there was no way this was going to work so that Kip would stay happy. It was impossible to happen if they were in the same town, or on the same tour following each other on buses and staying in the same hotels the whole time, let alone distantly over a phone. At some point, Lars was going to expect something unreasonable of Kip, as of his famous temper, or he was going to snap, change his mind, and go back to hating everyone as soon as the separation had worn off whatever smitten spell he'd gotten into. And then he'd end up pushing Kip away, and Kip would end up hurt.

Kip had already suffered too many losses. His endeavors in relationships had always ended in estrangement before they became fully established, and then the one that had gone through had ended up with the death of his wife. Kip refused to speak on said matter -it was something he tended to do when it hurt too much to think on. Kip had told Reb that he didn't want to dwell on it after getting past the grieving cycle, as it would only hold him back in the past. Something Kip always found unproductive was to spend too much time stuck in the past. Every day was a new day, and he had to be happy with wherever he was now.

Reb didn't want Kip to have to suffer another loss. And surely, trying to follow whatever this was with Lars would eventually pull him back into the past -he'd hate that. 

Plus, Reb had made a promise to himself, back on the day that Winger broke up in 1994.

Never would he let Lars Ulrich, or any member of Metallica for that matter, have the chance to hurt Kip again.

He had to take action to prevent it before it could happen. He had to make it so that Lars couldn't get to Kip to do such a thing. Lars already had a hold on him. The physical separation only now provided a chance to get the two apart before disaster could strike.

Continuing to think deeply as he jammed, Reb contemplated all the ways things could go wrong, gradually becoming more driven to stop it at all costs.

Reb saw his chance to stop it a couple of hours later when Kip got up, excusing himself to go to the bathroom. He had left his phone on the table.

Looking about, Reb saw that the coast was generally clear. Paul was taking a nap in his bunk. John was watching TV in the lounge. Rod was just past the lounge in the kitchen, poking around. He could see into the lounge, but he wouldn't necessarily be able to tell what Reb was doing.

Nearly shaking with nerves, Reb reached out and picked up Kip's phone. He took note of the contacts list, quickly finding the settings menu and typing the number he'd sought out into the blocked numbers list. Then, backing out of settings, he went back to the contacts.

_You'll never know why, Lars, but I know better than to let you play your games with Kip again. You don't mess with my brother, best friend, and soulmate,_ Reb thought to himself.

In one swift move, he selected Lars' contact, and he hit the delete button, vanishing it from the list. 

Then he closed the setting app in the list of open apps, and set Kip's phone back down where he'd found it. Just less than half a minute before Kip returned.

Nothing would have said anything different from before, except the imminent threat of Lars having the power to hurt Kip at any time he chose gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Reb... what have you done?


	11. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Less than two days after parting ways with Kip, and just when it seems everything is perfect, Lars is hit hard by an unexpected and nasty surprise whilst attempting a phone call.

The following night from leaving Las Vegas, Lars got offstage eager to see how it would go making his first phone call out to Kip. Sure, thirty-six hours wasn't an extremely long separation, but he'd said he would try to call Kip within a few days of leaving, and he'd let a day pass to not try too soon. 

What Lars noticed more than ever was how different it was having a conversation with Kip than his bandmates. Not that he didn't think they were fun or nice to shoot the breeze with too, but Lars did have an analytical way of looking at things that neither Kirk, James, nor Rob had outside of situations that directly affected one or more of them. Until finally getting to know Kip, Lars never knew the extent of his tendency to think and talk in a uniquely intelligent way that he found attractive.

So Lars was looking forward to making the call -even if it wasn't long or anything interesting aside from where they'd been since departing.

Truthfully, Lars also missed hearing Kip's voice. Even if he couldn't directly see him, he figured he'd be able to picture Kip as if they were having the conversation in person, like the ones they'd had in the lobby, and their one outside on the last night. There had been a special feeling to that one. Almost as if there was some connection forming between them. There was something about Kip that night that had seemed different in a way that felt good.

As poor luck would have it, as well as typical timing on show nights, there was more to it than just getting offstage before Lars could call though. Backstage meet and greets, showering, and packing stuff up meant at least two more hours before he'd be in the van back to the hotel. And on top of all that, when they finally did leave, there was a major traffic jam leaving the venue.

"Oh, fockin'..." Lars muttered under his breath and leaned against the window of the van, pouting impatiently and resisting the urge to fidget. James was sharing the van with him, and he didn't need James wondering what the hell was the matter with him and getting started if he figured it out.

Finally, after a miserable hour and a half of crawling a stretch of road that should have taken less than half an hour, the vans pulled into the hotel parking lot.

Usually, Lars was one of the slower ones of Metallica when it came to unloading and heading into the hotel for the night after a show. He was often tired after slamming it out on the drums for over an hour, and wanted to just take it easy. Nowadays that often meant taking his sweet time going back into the hotel, then hanging out with Kirk or James and winding down for a bit once they were all inside -but not tonight. Tonight, Lars all but hopped out of the van and grabbed his belongings to take inside from it as if said vehicle had caught fire. He was inside the lobby doors before any of his bandmates.

"Lars excited to call his boyfriend?" James asked Rob teasingly, deciding to linger around while waiting for Rob and Kirk to retrieve their overnight belongings from their van.

Since the van ride with Rob and their conversation, James had thought long and hard on the topic of Lars and Kip, examining it from every angle and trying to look at it from Lars' perspective -even if Lars was eccentric and it had never been easy for James to see through him.

It still failed to click with him, until he finally, somehow, had gotten on a thought train about Cliff and Jason. Cliff had always constantly reminded James in his spaced-out, pot-stoned wisdom, that at some point he would end up doing things he'd never expect to do -rising to fame with Metallica being one of them. Sometimes it didn't matter how out of the ordinary it was as long as he was happy with it and enjoyed it while it was ongoing. They'd had more negative unexpected happenings -losing Cliff being the biggest of them all. Somehow, they'd managed to accept it to a point and move on.

But they never had really accepted it at first. The way they'd treated Jason was the biggest indication of that. And then James had stomped on Jason's attempt to start up a side project, because he had been convinced and refused to hear otherwise that it would distract Jason from Metallica. It would be hard to be in two bands at once -especially with how big Metallica was. But it wasn't impossible. If Jason was happy with the challenge of keeping up with both, it shouldn't have been a problem. They'd lost Jason because James had made it into a problem.

Lars was a very close friend to James. It was when James stopped thinking about the idea of how strange it was for Lars to befriend and have a crush on Kip Winger, and shifted to think about what it had done for Lars that he finally came to a conclusion. Lars was happy with it -however the heck it had managed to happen. And James didn't want to make the same mistake he'd made with Jason and lose Lars. That would be stupid.

And the reason why Rob had always fit in well was because this time, they'd all accepted Rob as not being Cliff, but for who he was -even if he wasn't who they would have thought in the beginning would have been in the band now. Maybe Kip seemed completely unexpected, but if he was right for Lars, then there was no good reason to deny it.

"I wouldn't doubt it," said Rob, grinning as he answered James' joking question, snapping James out of his thoughts. "But there's nothing wrong with that." 

And really looking at it, James couldn't come up with anything truly wrong.

"I honestly don't get it. Those guys are completely different from us -we never liked how they did things, they never liked how we were -but times have changed I guess. I don't know -don't ask me what got Lars so smitten with Kip. I find it ridiculous. But, I mean, if it's what he wants and it makes him happy -we don't need tension and 2002 all over again. Just as long as it doesn't interfere with him being with us. I guess it's alright. Maybe it'll get less weird with time if he continues being happy with it, and I guess if we all get used to it..."

James seemed to ramble. But it was something that Rob was glad to hear. James was beginning to accept that Lars had changed his ways in some form since the 90s. And even if James still didn't care for those hair and glam bands, he was willing to respect Kip for the sake of Lars' happiness.

Kirk was also glad to hear. As usual, he had distanced himself as much as possible from the conflict. But, he was silently hoping that James would stop poking at things and accept it for what it was. James had improved drastically over the past decade, but both he and Lars could be so stubborn.

He sighed with relief, and inside his head, thought two very simple words that completely summed up his entire thought: _Thank goodness._

"And you know what James?" asked Rob.

James raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"What?"

"That's exactly why it is when you say that Lars has stuck with you -even when all those awful times happened and you two felt like you were unable to deal with each other," said Rob. "In the end, you care about Lars, and when you realize that something's important to him, as long as it's not dangerous or detrimental to him, you respect it. Whether you like it or not, or if you manage to do it right away or it takes a few days. You've said you haven't always been the best friend to him, but since I've been here, I think you've been a great friend to him."

James nodded after a second of being stunned, surprised to get this from Rob. But in a way, it was true. He still had the urge to be controlling, but he was learning to let go easier and easier. Lars loving Kip didn't have any control on his own personal life. He had to keep reminding himself of that, just as he tried to remind himself of what to control and what not to control ever since dealing with the post-rehab changes, and trying to see it in a positive light.

Taking that same positive outlook on Rob and appreciating him when he joined the band, rather than what they all did to Jason had helped. As a result of that, James realized -now especially more than ever -that he had a really good friend in the band. And not just himself. All of them did.

"I agree, Rob -he has stuck around. He's a great friend of mine. And I think you've been really great to all of us too," concluded James.

Rob beamed a silent thanks. Then, he, Kirk, and James went to catch up with Lars in getting up to their own rooms.

Little did any of them know that now that James had finally accepted Lars' new love and it seemed that the path ahead for them was clear and smooth, an entirely different hurdle was about to be placed in front of Lars.

It was 3:00 o'clock in the morning by the time Lars got to his room courtesy of the traffic jam, and he was utterly exhausted, and torn on what to do. He feared that if he were to call now, Kip would be asleep, and he didn't want to wake him up if he was. However, Kip was expecting a call, and didn't want Kip to worry. 

_Maybe I'll make it super quick -just to check in..._ A quick call just to check in and say hello would do for tonight if he did call. Lars figured he could call back again for a longer conversation tomorrow.

Hesitantly, and feeling a little naughty for calling so late at night, Lars picked up his phone. However, when he dialed it, the call bounced back immediately. It didn't ring, and an automated voice said that the call was blocked.

_Well, they are sleeping on a bus on some nights,_ thought Lars to himself. 

He wasn't too concerned by the message for tonight. Kip could have had his cell on a 'do not disturb' setting that blocked calls and messages at nighttime so that neither he, nor any of his bandmates or any other crew members that would happen to be on the bus would be woken up. It, to Lars, at least seemed like something Kip would do with as much as he clearly looked out for his bandmates. And even if they were in a hotel, there was a chance Kip blocked calls at night just for the sake of not getting woken up anyway.

_I'll just call tomorrow when I wake up,_ decided Lars. It was quite late, so he'd end up sleeping in later. By the time he'd be up, Kip would probably be up too.

So Lars went to sleep, hoping for a chance to call tomorrow.

The next day, Lars woke up at 12:30. Though in the early, partying days of the band, this would have been early, nowadays it was about as late Lars slept, and only on rare occasion.

Surely Kip would be up by now, Lars thought. But he waited until 1:00 o'clock, just to make certain that he wouldn't wake up Kip, or any of his bandmates that might be sleeping later than him. Lars almost laughed at himself for this, knowing that years ago he'd have picked up the phone whenever he felt like it and wouldn't care at all who he might be waking up. Kip's ways were definitely rubbing off on him. And maybe that was a good thing.

However, when Lars finally did call, his call got bounced again.

This time, he pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the screen, a faint twitch of panic starting in him.

There was a message there, and when he read it, he'd never expected to see what he did see. And he'd never expected to be hit so hard by what it said.

"No, that's gotta be some mistake or error," said Lars aloud to nobody in particular. He shook his head, and looked at the screen closer.

The screen read:

_Call rejected. Calls and messages from this number blocked by wireless customer. Contact will not be received from this number._

Lars hung up his phone, turned it off, and restarted it. It had to be glitching out or doing something weird with the signal.

He called Kip's number again, and was met with the same bounced call and rejection error message.

"What the fock?!"

Why would Kip have blocked him? What was this about?

Frantically, feeling himself beginning to get upset and his heart rate speeding up, Lars dialed the number again. He knew this was the definition of insanity, but he feared he'd go insane if he didn't get through and couldn't figure out why.

The same result.

Lars swore loudly in Danish and threw his phone across the hotel room, hard.

It hit the wall, bounced off of it, and slammed into the floor, breaking the case on it into multiple pieces, but luckily, leaving the phone unscathed. If not for the heavy duty protective case on it, the phone would have shattered and been beyond repair for certain. Coincidentally, Lars had bought that case for his phone under Kirk's advice, because Kirk had predicted that Lars would one day throw his phone out of rage and destroy it.

Lars felt his face grow hot, and anger ripping through him. But there was something else that was inside him deeper that was cold and aching.

He threw the hotel phone book into the wall too. Then he punched the bed. He felt like punching something more solid, but refrained only because he'd learned from previous experience that punching a wall did not satisfy as much as it would appear to, and caused a whole different world of hurt on top of it all.

Had Kip put on an act for him? Was he now blocking and shoving Lars away as a means of getting back at him for his cursed mistake back in the 90s? It was a long time ago. He'd apologized profusely for it. If he could go back in time knowing the situation now and make it so that he had never shot a dart through Kip's face, let alone show it in a music video, he would do so in a heartbeat. Heck, he would take back all the other things he'd said about Kip's bandmates and and consider taking back what he'd said about the guys in other hair metal bands they'd encountered. He'd take back all the nasty things he'd said about any of the bands with his teasing following bribing their promoters and setting them up to get sandbagged at festivals...

"Lars!" 

Lars flinched, snapping out of his thoughts and froze in place, standing in the middle of the room and holding a lamp that would have certainly received an awful fate if he hadn't been distracted at that moment.

James had entered the room, using the spare card key to Lars' room. They always had one of them carry a spare for another, just in case if someone got locked out, or God forbid, something bad were to happen.

Unfortunately, even if it wasn't a medical emergency that rendered Lars unable to open his door and put him in danger, something bad had definitely happened, and it was already causing him pain.

James came inside, Kirk following looking intimidated. Lars had been screaming profanities, and James and Kirk, being on opposite sides of Lars' room, had heard the thumps of items Lars threw bouncing off their walls. It had obviously concerned both of them.

"Lars, put the lamp down. Before something gets broken or you get hurt," James ordered, quietly and calmly, before his demeanor shifted. He seemed more confused than angry, but he looked at Lars as though he were examining his appearance critically. 

"Dude, what happened? _Are_ you hurt? Why on _Earth_ are you _crying?"_

Lars blinked, still taken aback, setting the lamp back down in its place on the nightstand. Hesitantly, he raised a hand to his cheek. He felt the wetness of tears.

Lars hadn't even realized that he was crying.

Kirk went traipsing past stealthily, and very carefully picked up the phone book. He attempted to smooth it out before it got bent into a mess that could get them billed for damage.

Lars didn't answer James, but instead shook his head and wiped at his eyes, heaving a deep breath and pulling himself together. He was painfully confused -and angry as to why Kip had blocked his number, but he was fearful if he said anything that James would freak out and go after Kip. Part of him deep down wanted to believe it was a mistake or a glitch with Kip's phone, even if it was hard for him with his defensive nature, and the regret he now felt for his actions in the past. And he also still cared about Kip enough that he hated to send James after him. Even if it was true and he was angry.

What happened next shocked him though.

He felt large, strong, warm arms wrap around him. The body embracing his own was much too robust to be that of Kirk.

Lars opened his eyes and gasped, shocked.

Rather than having had a fit of rage and freaking out, James had simply hugged Lars, and was comforting him.

"What happened, Lars?" asked James very gently. 

"Please don't get mad if I tell you," Lars sighed, feeling overwhelmed and not wanting to have drama.

"Lars, you've thrown a few things at us in the past week that have been difficult for me to accept, but you know what? If you don't want me to take any action over what's going on, then I won't," assured James. "I want you to be able to do what you want."

Lars swallowed hard, and then hugged James hard, nearly tearing up again over this support from James that he knew was so difficult for James to adjust and give. Of all the possible curveballs he could have thrown at James, he'd picked one of the biggest.

When he felt he could say what happened without falling apart, he raised his head.

"I want to think it was a glitch on either Kip's phone or mine. But I'm trying to call him, and it says he has my number blocked," he moaned.

Kirk came over and gently touched a hand to Lars' shoulder, looking plenty sad himself. It always distressed Kirk when any of his bandmates were so upset -even when it had nothing to do with him.

"Shit," muttered James under his breath. He inhaled deeply, trying inside to calm himself, telling himself that Lars didn't want him to get angry at Kip. He tried to remind himself that he didn't know Kip like Lars now did, and how Lars had pretty good judgement of people and personalities once he got to know them well in person. If Lars wanted to hold out some trust for Kip, there was probably some reason for it besides just love.

And even if it was only love, James had to admit it could be a powerful thing. He couldn't deny that Lars had fallen pretty hard.

"Well, Lars, if he really did block you, you know I hate him for that. But if you trust that it might be a glitch or a mistake, that's fine. I'll take it as being either of the two also. And I'll leave him alone if you want me to. You look upset enough already, and I don't want to make it worse. Guess I made it worse earlier in the week already. Time to stop." James embraced Lars gently again, reassuring Lars that even though he was angry, he wasn't going to go do something stupid because of it.

"We're here for you too, Lars. If you need anything, support ...I know it hurts," offered Kirk timidly.

Lars leaned his head against James' shoulder, tears welling up this time before he could stop it.

"Sometimes you all drive me crazy, but you two are the best friends and bandmates I could possibly have," he choked. Lars thought to himself how Kip always spoke highly of Rod, Reb, Paul, and John, and wondered if he said enough about his own bandmates.

"We're family, Lars," reminded Kirk.

"We really are. I hardly had a family before Metallica. You guys are like my brothers," said James. "Sometimes we have our arguments, but that's not any different from blood brothers. I guess we don't really acknowledge it as often as we should either, what we are to each other..."

_There, now you said what I was just thinking,_ thought Lars.

The door creaked open and Rob came in. He'd wanted Lars to have some time with his closer bandmates before he entered, but he'd heard most of the commotion.

"We look after each other when things happen though," Rob added, coming over and placing his hands on Kirk and James' shoulders, completing the circle around their devastated drummer. "That's what matters most. And right now, we're all here for you, Lars."

"And we hope it all ends well, whatever's happening -that everything turns out to be okay between you and Kip," added Kirk.

Lars forced a tearful smile. Then, he stood up, and picked up what he'd thrown, realizing a small bit of amusement in it all, as only half of the case remained intact and on the phone.

"Kirk, you were right about the phone case, it turns out," he said, trying to look at lighter things in the situation to ease off the heartache until he could hopefully get better news in the situation. He did seem to perk up with this.

Kirk looked at the phone case and started laughing as he picked up the pieces of the case that had broken off and were still on the floor.

"Oh boy, Lars, you cracked the case and now it's shattered! Look, half of it broke off the phone in pieces. I guess we'd better get you a new one real soon before you throw it again and it ends up with your phone saying more than just 'ouch'!"

"If the phone said 'ouch', I wonder what the _wall_ said," quipped James through a snort.

Lars chuckled lightly, and James quickly followed.

"I'm not kidding Lars, that was loud and clear in my room. I'm surprised you didn't ding the wall with that thing," James added.

Kirk winced, shaking his head. "Don't encourage him to try for that, James." Kirk and James left the room in laughter.

Lars noticed how Rob hung back, and he looked to Rob questioningly.

Rob waited for the door to fall shut before extending his thoughts.

"Alright, Lars, you know what I think you should do?" asked Rob.

Lars turned around to face Rob, listening intently. So far, everything Rob had advised him to do had worked, and he wasn't going to stop listening now. Now, more than ever, he was desperate that Rob's instruction would continue to work for him.

"Every day," started Rob, holding up a finger. "Every day, or every other day at the very least if things get busy. Try. Keep trying that number. Because if it's a glitch, it's possible that Kip will find it and fix it. He'll be wondering why you haven't called if he's expecting it. Give it a few days, and he'll probably start checking and trying to figure out if it's something on his end. Okay? Keep watching in case if he tries to call you to get around it. If he has a problem with his phone, he might call you from a different phone -so any voicemails you get, listen to them before you delete them. It might be him."

"And if it doesn't happen?" asked Lars.

Rob gave Lars a melancholy look.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, Lars. For now, you need to hold out hope. It hasn't been a full two days, so it might be a couple more before he starts wondering. You know how they say trying the same thing over and over is insanity, but it's not when there's a valid reason to suspect the result will change. So just keep calling every day. Because the sooner you call after he fixes it, the sooner you get reconnected. You don't want to call the day before he maybe fixes the problem and wait a whole week. Until then, you have to be patient."

Lars nodded, slightly sullen, but understanding.

"I know that's hard to hear, you being impatient and how patient you've had to be with this-"

"Well, fock yeah," Lars sighed.

"But if you got this far and waited this long, is it worth continuing to hold out?" asked Rob.

After a moment of silence, Lars looked at Rob, and answered.

"For sure."

Hopefully, it really would turn out to be a mistake and he would receive contact from Kip soon. Though he did feel shattered at the moment, Lars internally pleaded that his heartbreak would end up like his phone in its case -only superficial and nothing that love and hope couldn't repair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter moves on to how Kip took finding out!


	12. I Lie Awake All Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kip realizes his own feelings for Lars -just as he also realizes the fear that what had just begun might already be over. Neither of which he can hide from his bandmates forever.

The night after departing Las Vegas, Kip had thought deeply again as he had before meeting up with Lars for the first time in the lobby, and that night after talking with Lars -before he ended up talking with Lars again, and then with Rod the following morning. 

He definitely had a lot of different feelings running. He was excited to see what would happen between him and Lars. He was looking forward to when the first call came through to start on the path of finding that out. He still felt a touch of what he could most closely identify as sadness about leaving. And part of him hoped that maybe one day, Metallica would end up in the same town with Winger again.

Then there was that unidentifiable feeling he'd started having, along with his suspicions about Lars' reasons. And things had seemed to click together the last night in the hotel yard. The feeling inside him had grown stronger, and all doubts on the wildest suspicion he'd had slipped away.

He admitted to himself that he could see the signs of love from Lars soon enough before then, but it was a rather unusual thing to suspect. Almost a bit amusing. Lars Ulrich, the one who'd thrown darts and publicly ridiculed Winger and all bands like it -helplessly in love with him.

Kip found that he didn't mind the thought of it though. The last night, Lars had come out of his shell more, as though he wasn't quite so intimidated -aside from when Kip had caught him off guard, which Kip had not only found amusing, but oddly enough, somewhat endearing. And it was more fun with Lars not constantly slipping back into his shell and seeming completely relaxed and comfortable to be there. He wished that he'd seen more of that from Lars throughout the week

And with the realization of that with everything he felt that night of departure, Kip had to admit to himself that somehow, he loved Lars too. Probably that very night outside had been the last push to make him fall.

The phone call experiment was _definitely_ going to be interesting, he decided before falling asleep that night. For sure.

_Or he thought._

Two days later, Kip checked his phone for the third time since he'd woken up at 10:30 It was now almost 3:00, and while that might not have seemed like much for some, Kip didn't usually check his phone when he was with his bandmates unless he heard a notification tone. 

It displayed no messages aside from weather advisories from the app he used to get an idea of what to expect when they arrived to the city they were headed for. But aside from these, and messages from the crew giving updates on setting up the venue they would play that night, there was nothing of note. 

And nothing from Lars either.

Considering how eager to call and bummed out to leave Lars had been, Kip was mildly surprised he hadn't called last night. He had said he'd likely call within a couple of days of leaving each other, and it seemed that Lars would have done so sooner than later. But it wasn't difficult to believe he hadn't; Metallica was a big band with a heavy schedule, later night shows, and it appeared that Lars usually was the one who did a lot of the organization and planning. He was busy in his own way. And Kip understood that pretty well with the roles he took on himself. So he figured he'd wait a couple more days.

By the third day from then, and five days out from departure, Kip's internal tune was transitioning to one of concern. Lars still hadn't called, or even texted him, and regardless of what he was thinking about, it was at the back of his mind. Kip found himself checking his phone at least once every three hours when he was in the bus -even more often than normal. He even had trouble falling asleep that night on the bus, resisting the urge to reach up to where he tucked his phone on its charger into the basket he'd hooked up along the wall of his bunk to see if a message had come through as he was trying to drift off. It was harder than usual to simply think he'd get anything that came through in the morning.

So when he woke up the next morning, now beginning the sixth day since he'd last seen Lars and with no messages through, Kip decided he would try to make the call himself. Maybe there was a misunderstanding, and Lars was expecting a call from him. If nothing else, he could at least try and leave a message to find out what was going on.

Except that when he went to try it, he quickly found that it wasn't an option.

Kip could have sworn he had Lars' number saved in his phone. He remembered typing it into the phone. But despite this, he found himself carefully scrolling up and down his saved contacts repeatedly. Trying to see if he'd made a typo and Lars was in a different section in the alphabet than he was supposed to be. Checking back over to see if he'd missed it. He tried restarting it in case it wasn't displaying everything correctly. 

For the life of him, he still couldn't find it.

"Come on," he whispered to himself aloud in what he wasn't quite sure was annoyance or simply confusion. _If it was a snake, it would have bitten me by now._

"You alright, Kip? Trying to find something?" Kip heard Reb ask.

"Oh, no, I'm alright," said Kip quickly, not wanting to seek help over something that wasn't impossible to find on his own -that would look stupid. It was a list of contacts. All in one place on his phone. It was either there or it wasn't. And after another, thorough pass through the list, it was clear that it wasn't there.

Kip cursed himself inwardly. He must have forgotten to hit the save button after typing in Lars' number or something, or his phone didn't catch it properly. That was the only logical explanation. A rare occasion, Kip felt annoyed with himself. He should have made sure it was on that list before saying goodbye to Lars, and usually he would have done so with his tendency to double check such things. Not that being annoyed changed the outcome, but for some reason, Kip just couldn't shake it off as usual.

The only option he had now was to keep waiting, and Kip decided he would continue to wait for Lars to call despite the time passed. Maybe something had come up and he was busy and distracted from it, but he would surely remember eventually.

Kip tried to reassure himself of this, but inside, there was a strange feeling stirring up. The type he got when something wasn't right and he wasn't sure what it was exactly, but had a feeling something bad was going to result from it. There was nothing worse than the uncertainty of what was wrong for Kip -especially since he'd found that whenever he got that feeling, more often than not, something unpleasant did indeed happen. If he was having trouble sleeping before, now he was really struggling.

Rod watched Kip throughout the course of the next two weeks, noticing significant changes in Kip's behavior offstage and outside of rehearsals and setting up for shows. He noticed how Kip checked his phone more often than normal, and at set intervals of time in a near -obsessive way. He'd gotten to the point where he was checking it more and more frequently -at least twice an hour. And when he wasn't on his phone, Kip seemed distracted, as if his thoughts were scattered and refusing to come together in a way that was fully coherent. His mind seemed to be wandering somewhere else, even when he was clearly trying to focus himself on what was happening around him. It was getting to the point where none of them could really have a deep conversation with Kip. And he just wasn't his usual, outgoing and talkative self. Whatever was causing it, Rod could tell it was bothering Kip.

By the end of two weeks, Kip's internal frantic obsession was beginning to evolve into a deep, dull tension within him that was slowly stretching his energy thin with it. He couldn't bring a natural smile to his face aside from when he was onstage and distracted for the most part. But when he was with Reb, Paul, and Rod and they were cracking jokes, he felt it coming out more like a grimace.

The others, Rod especially, had noticed this too, but they tried not to say anything. 

Kip found his urge to check for messages fading away by the end of the third week, but he wasn't feeling any better. It seemed his hope that contact would come through had also faded. The tension had grown sharp and was tying his stomach into knots. There was another twisting sensation in his chest -not as intense, but harder to ignore. To Kip, it was worse. He was drained from lack of sleep, and by now, not only was it apparent to his bandmates that something was up, but it was apparent to Kip that they realized it. He could see how Reb and Paul stole quick glances at him, or stared when they thought he wasn't looking. 

Halfway through what was turning into the fourth week, his bandmates couldn't pretend to ignore it either. Rod, beginning to suspect a few things himself, was the first to break the barrier and openly show his concern.

"Hey, Kip, are you alright? You seem really out of it lately," remarked Rod as they were catching some down time in the lounge of the bus to hang out after that night's show. 

It had been a really good show with a pretty energetic audience. There was a more raw and palpable emotion, as though Kip had channeled all his stress into his performance with desperate energy. The audience had reveled in every moment of it, reflecting their energy back towards the stage. In turn, it had left most of the band pretty pumped and in need of some time to wind down before going to sleep. Most of them, but not Kip.

"I dunno, Rod, I'm just tired and run down. I don't feel too good, and we are on a pretty busy tour this go round -maybe it just caught up to me and I'm coming down with something. Usually I still have a lot of energy after a show, but ...not tonight."

_Bullshit_. Kip knew full well this was nothing but a big pile of bullshit, and Rod could read right through it. Something was up.

"You've got some pretty dark circles under your eyes. And bags. You probably need to get some rest, Kip. You look unwell," noted Paul. "But you could just be tired even without being sick -it'll get to you; take it from me."

Reb didn't say anything. He was adamant to believe this was for another reason, but the thought had crossed his mind that it was lack of contact with Lars. Still, he was convinced it would have been worse otherwise, and that Lars would have severely hurt Kip by now.

"I don't know," sighed Kip. He sounded relatively normal, but his expression was almost crestfallen, and it was giving him away. "Could be. I've had some trouble sleeping the past couple of nights though." _More like the past couple of weeks._

"Kip, if you don't feel well, then you need to go to bed. Now," ordered John, casting a sidelong glance of confusion toward Rod and Reb, as he couldn't recall from his later time joining Kip ever struggling with insomnia. "Even if you can't sleep, just lie down and relax some; the sooner the better. It certainly can't hurt, regardless of what the problem is."

So Kip got up and walked out of the lounge, through the door, and into the bunk compartment. He crawled into his bunk, resting on his side and huddling under the blankets. An idea lit him up and he opened his picture gallery on his phone, finding the one picture he had of himself with Lars. For a second, he felt the same lighthearted feeling from the last night as a subtle warmth in his chest.

The picture Rob Trujillo took for them. Kip smirking playfully at Lars, pointing with a matter-of-fact look as he playfully scolded Lars. Lars with a mile-wide, open-mouthed grin, eyes squinted shut, leaning back slightly and placing one hand on his chest the way one did whilst laughing with sheer mirth. He found himself smiling, remembering that moment; how he'd joked about Alice's crew tests whilst waiting for Rob to come down, not expecting he was there yet. Rob had taken the picture right as Kip had started scolding Lars for teasing the crewmen caught off guard by the snake, catching the two of them off guard as he did. 

Rob had quipped that it was un-staged, impromptu captured moments that were the best, and Kip found himself hard pressed to disagree looking at it. Kip found that he was very glad to have that picture saved to his phone.

After a second though, the lighter feeling faded, and Kip felt the smile that had graced his lips sink away. He felt the heaviness and tightness return like a weight right over his heart, and a hand reaching in and grabbing it. He felt cold, icy fingers working their way through and poking everything. Shivering, he pulled his blanket around himself, partially cocooning in it -something unusual for him being from Colorado and relatively immune to cold.

Kip thought of how he missed Lars and their conversations while looking at the picture as the phone screen darkened a bit, starting to go to sleep. Then it did go dark all the way, and Lars was gone with it.

It was that exact moment Kip realized that Lars wasn't going to call him. And when he did, it felt as though all the tension, nerves, worrying, and confusion of the past three weeks was crashing down on him like a rogue wave.

A familiar pain spread through him, but it was one he hadn't felt in a while, and whether it was from having forgotten it, or knowing it, it felt worse than he remembered. As it overtook him, it seemed to leave an overwhelming weakness with the pain. His body seemed to physically ache, and his arms felt like dead weight when he tried to reach up and put his phone away.

_Why?_ Kip couldn't understand why it was affecting him like this. In the end, he had realized he had developed his own feelings for Lars, but it wasn't as though they'd really had that much time together. Lord knew he'd been in situations of lost contact like this before, and it had hurt, but he picked himself up and got over them -and those were of relationships that had been much longer, and more plausible from the start. _Why did it hurt so badly right now?_

Maybe it was just the tough reality that it was another loss, and it was more painful from everything else piled underneath it from the past being dragged to the surface. Maybe this loss had pushed him over the threshold of what he could stand. But Kip had nothing left to question on the uncertain conclusion he'd settled with on the day of departure. He had indeed fallen for Lars, something he never thought would happen, and Lars seemed even more fallen for him. Lars was the one who came to him. 

Lars had to have loved him. It was one of the possibilities Kip had pondered and leaned toward as that week had progressed. Looking back, it made sense. Love was powerful. Possibly powerful enough to make Lars seek him out in the first place. He especially wouldn't have come after Kip after that gesture he made in that video years ago if something hadn't seriously changed in a way that love was good at doing...

...Unless he'd been putting on an act and intentionally doing it to hurt him and leave him in a wreck that would be harder to recover from than the first time.

Kip felt like he was being strangled with that thought. That had to be why it hurt so badly. The possibility of betrayal beyond everything else. Exploitation of his trust -which he'd willingly given and seen every reason to give.

"No, that's not..." he thought to himself, whispering his thoughts aloud as if hoping something or someone would tell him that wasn't the case. But it was to nobody and nothing but the dark, empty room and the space around him in his bunk.

Kip couldn't think or try to fathom what had happened anymore -nor did he want to. It hurt more than it was worth. He rolled over, trying to escape the pain in sleep, feeling it grow more and more inside of him as he tried.

An hour later, Rod decided to hit the sack. Paul and Reb were sitting up in the lounge watching a movie that Rod wasn't as interested by enough to sit all the way through.

As he took off his clothes and slipped on a loose t-shirt with his boxers, a faint noise caught his ear.

Not sure if he'd heard it correctly, Rod froze in place and stood absolutely still, listening.

A sound like a sniff. Short, not super exaggerated, and very quiet, but a wet one, like a sniffle.

He wondered if it was just a subconscious one in sleep, but then Rod heard another one. It was in too short succession to be coincidental or involuntary.

He thought to himself for a second, and how Kip had said he wasn't feeling well. That definitely didn't explain Kip's moping the past few weeks or his phone checking, but maybe tonight he really wasn't feeling well, and he really was coming down sick with something.

So, Rod padded into the small area of the bus just outside the bathroom where they kept the first aid kit, and found a small blister pack of decongestants. He grabbed those, then retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge, and cautiously lifted Kip's spare blanket that he had hung over his bunk like a curtain. That was already suspicious, because Kip wasn't adamant like some about covering his bunk, except to block out sun if he slept into the day.

"Hey, Kip, you alright? Need anything? Feeling sick or-"

Rod stopped short his concern, taken aback by the very unusual and shocking site that met him.

Kip lay on his side, curled up, looking distraught and miserable. His eyes were wet, and his cheeks were red and raw from where he'd angrily and repetitively wiped away tears. He flinched when he first saw Rod, pulling the edge of his sheets up and trying to shield himself from judgement. He sniffled again with a slight spasm in the pattern that sounded like he was about to fall apart.

Rod froze, uncertain what to do. It was alarming enough whenever he found Kip more than teary-eyed; Kip generally wasn't a cryer to begin with. But Rod was legitimately scared by this. Kip was assertive, down to earth, optimistic, and he looked at things with the best possible outcome. When bad things came about, he almost always continued on cheerfully and trusted that even if there were unfavorable results, it would be okay in the long run. And Kip did _not_ cry himself to sleep in his bunk at night over anything like that. He didn't hide major problems from his bandmates. He always tried to be open about them while deciding the best way to work them out.

So this... This was a sign that something really bad had happened outside of the band; something deeper and personal that he was more likely to be private about -especially if it was emotionally hard to discuss. Whatever going on that had caused Kip's odd behavior had done more than just throw a wrench in the works. It had _broken_ him. It had gotten inside him and ripped up the optimism that otherwise kept him going. The tears only represented the level of resulting agony, and that was what prompted Rod to try helping Kip instead of simply dropping his blanket back down and giving him privacy.

"Kip," breathed Rod, trying to keep himself calm and to not panic or get too nervous. He would be in no position to help, or if nothing else, comfort Kip if he was too high strung to do it. "My God, man... Kip, what happened? What's wrong?" 

He tucked the blanket curtain up out of the way, placed the pack of pills up on top of his own bunk above, and sat down on the edge of Kip's bunk. He had to be careful to not whack his head, but he had no intention of leaving.

Kip struggled a second, sliding himself forward away from the bunk wall and pushing himself up into a sitting position. He looked like it was taking all his energy to get up, and he sat pulling his knees in against his chest, hugging them to his body like the fetal position. Kip looked exhausted in every way and so painfully vulnerable that Rod felt his heart sink watching him.

"I don't know what I did wrong," Kip whispered. The whisper, more expressive than Kip's flat accent and prone to shakiness, reflected his forlorn appearance.

"What do you mean, Kip?"

"Lars-" started Kip, cut off by a light, involuntary gasp that was verging on a sob. Kip raised his hand to his mouth and pressed the back of it firmly against his lips, trying to stifle whatever followed it, looking as if he just wanted to disappear. He then sniffled again, trying to blink back tears that stood in his eyes.

"Kip? Is this what all of this these past few weeks has been about?" asked Rod, starting to put two and two together. "Did he hurt you?"

"Not directly, n-no," Kip stammered, reaching up and aggressively dragging the back of his hand across his face as another tear fell. He seemed to grimace as he did, and Rod could tell his cheeks were stinging from it.

"Come here. Tell me about it," ordered Rod. He had a feeling that Kip probably didn't want to talk about it in the state he was in, but Rod knew that Kip knew just as well as he did that he needed to.

Kip slid forward to sit on the edge of the bunk next to Rod, unfolding his legs and letting his feet hang over the side as Rod was sitting. With a sigh, he restarted in a whisper again for better control. 

"He said he'd call me sometime after we departed. Within the next couple of days or so. For whatever reason, he never did. I don't know why -I can't figure out what I did-"

Rod reached out and put an arm around Kip's shoulders, pulling him in against his side and stopping his train of words. 

Kip didn't like being pitied or fawned over, especially when it came to stuff like this. Often to the point which Kip would outright refuse to talk about such things. But right now he looked so broken. Rod knew the confusion was the worst part of it. Because Kip couldn't figure out what to make of it, he couldn't arrive at a conclusion and move on like he usually did. Instead, the pain had just built up, and now he was overloading. It was too much for him to keep inside, let alone handle by himself.

Rod nearly felt his own heart break when he felt Kip wilt under the weight of his arm and lean over his lap, weak with light tremors going through his frame from silent sobbing he failed to hold back.

"Just let it out, Kip-"

"I first thought he was just busy, but he just never called, a-and I don't think he's going to." Kip's whisper choked off and the last bit of his sentence emerged in a whimper. He weakly raised an arm up to his face and shielded himself again like he couldn't stand it.

Rod gently shushed Kip.

"Shhh, Kip. Keep telling me, but keep it down unless you want the others to come in here too," he warned. Rod had a pretty good feeling that Kip didn't want that at all.

"Rod, hard as it might be to believe -I love him," whispered Kip through clinched teeth, trying to pull himself together. "Somehow it happened, and I swear I think it's because he at least seemed to love me." He paused a second as if the next thought was almost too painful to say. "What if he did it as some game, like Reb thought -and he still hates me and was just pretending so he could rub it in my face and make it worse?"

Rod knew just how painful it was for Kip to say or think that -for a number of reasons -trust being a big part of it, as well as how it would affect Reb. However, despite Rod's weariness of Lars, somehow he couldn't fathom it being true -especially with the way it was presented. Lars had seemed truly happy with what he'd seen of the two together. And Lars Ulrich was pretty high strung. He was far from a good pretender when it came to any emotion aside from anger or negativity, and his temperament would certainly show through his act if he were only faking it. Rod didn't believe that was the case.

It also seemed unlikely to Rod that Lars would just go silent. Lars was a notorious loudmouth who spoke his exact thoughts clear as the sky. Rod didn't have to know Lars personally to understand that about him. And of all the ways he might have abandoned Kip should Kip's fear be the case, Rod was pretty certain Lars would have contacted them and made it known for sure.

"Kip, look at me," said Rod, taking his arm off Kip's shoulders.

Kip brought his arm away from his face and turned to look Rod square in the eyes -stricken, but steady, and breathed deeply, trying to stop his tears. He really did hate to cry, especially around others.

"I don't think Lars Ulrich was faking loving you. In fact, thinking back to the episode in the parking lot, I think he really does. That was before you told me about him, but it makes sense now that he did. I don't know why he's not calling you though. But I doubt he was playing just some sick game. Have you tried calling him?"

Kip's expression seemed to contort with a discomfort of another sort as he got himself somewhat under control.

"Rod, I got his number from him. I remember, I coulda sworn -actually, I _know_ I typed that number into my phone. I was with him when I did. And I don't know if I forgot to hit save, or if my phone glitched out and it got deleted, but it's not there. I went through that contact list, reading it one by one, looking for typos, or any sort of malfunction in the sorting -it's just not there. And I can't call him."

Rod's expression softened a bit.

"Man, that sucks... I'm sorry, Kip. Really, I am. I know it doesn't help, saying sorry, but-"

"You care; I know. Thank you," whispered Kip, sniffling and wiping his eyes again. "It's not your fault -you can't do anything about it, nor do I expect you too. I gotta pull myself together and move on. This is _stupid_ -lyin' here in my bunk having a damned pity party over something out of my control and crying like a fool. I just don't know why it-" He gulped hard, and then rolled his eyes and sighed impatiently. "-For Pete's sake, Rod, this is _embarrassing."_

Rod could hear and see Kip choking and tearing up again as he described his situation as "stupid," and shook his head. It was beyond anyone, even Kip himself, how he fell for Lars Ulrich, but love and the pain of it going wrong was anything but stupid. It was an honest pain that by no means should have had to warrant embarrassment and pressure to keep it pent up. He firmly patted his hurting bandmate between his shoulders.

"It's 'cause your heart's broken, Kip. You don't have to be embarrassed. It's something that's always gonna hurt, regardless of who it happens to and who did it. There's no shame in it." Rod reached up to his bunk where he had his duffle bag out of the way when he wasn't in it, dug around, and produced a package of tissues that he usually kept handy for the inevitable point of a tour in which something would get the better of his immune system, which tended to happen to him more often than Kip.

"You'd better have some of these. You're getting irritated around the eyes from swiping."

Kip gave a lopsided half-smile-half-grimace, reminded by Rod's remark of how he would scold Lars to stop biting his lip, before accepting a couple of tissues and drying his eyes. This time, they stayed dry -much to his satisfaction. Rod passed down the water bottle he'd brought in too, which Kip accepted more gratefully.

Rod smiled sadly, placing his hand back on Kip's shoulder. "Are you gonna be alright here for the night?"

Kip nodded, and turned toward Rod. He wasn't quite sure if Rod had pulled him into the embrace or if he had gone into it himself first.

"Thanks for everything," murmured Kip as he pulled away a couple seconds later and climbed back into his bunk.

Rod's still-wistful smile gave a silent "you're welcome".

"Get some rest. Paul and John are right. You'll feel better. We can talk more and sort this out in the morning, but that's enough for tonight. He can break your heart, but don't let him break you, Kip."

Kip nodded, sinking back down under his covers. He was now physically exhausted past the threshold of what his insomnia could control. After a few minutes, he finally drifted off under Rod's silent watch, his pain numbed by slumber.

Rod put Kip's curtain back down to give him privacy again. Then he pulled his duffle bag down from his bunk and tucked it in as close to the base of the bottom bunk as possible so that it was out of the path, and interfering with Kip getting in and out of his bunk as little as possible. He then climbed up to his bunk, and thought to himself.

_It just doesn't seem right that Kip says that number's not in his phone. Kip has a memory like an elephant. If he remembers typing that number into his phone, then he did. I know he did._

As he lay down, thoughts swarming his mind in a cloud of insomnia, Rod began back-tracking to the day they'd left Vegas where they'd stayed in the hotel with Metallica. He tried to remember if there had been anything suspicious going on that day, because he remembered for certain there was one thing he'd seen that he thought was odd, and was hoping it would shed some light on the situation if he could dig it up. He just couldn't quite remember _what._

Then, just as his mind was beginning to get hazy and he was going to give up for the night and drift off, it came to him.

_That's it!_

Rod sat up so fast he nearly hit his head on the ceiling above his bunk. He gasped as he did, then froze, looking around to make sure nobody else was present and awake to see him do so.

He remembered that a few hours after they'd boarded the bus and departed, Kip had ducked into the bus lavatory. When he had, he'd left his phone out on the table in the lounge.

Rod had been in the kitchen getting a glass of water and hadn't been paying much attention, but he remembered seeing Reb pick up Kip's phone. He also remembered wondering what Reb was doing with it at the time.

_Now_ he knew what Reb had been doing.

He understood that Reb had likely been trying to protect Kip when he'd done it, and he could sympathize with Reb's fears and lack of trust. But he knew that Reb was in dire need of a big wakeup call that what was true of the past was not necessarily true of the present. His protective measures were now instead causing a world of hurt for poor Kip, who didn't have the slightest idea why things were happening the way they were.

_And Lars doesn't know either. Wonder what the hell he's probably thinking..._

_Oh, crap_. That wasn't a pleasant thing to consider. Almost as bad as considering how Kip was going to feel finding out, given he would have never suspected it of Reb.

Rod sighed, lying back down to get lost in his thoughts again. Oh, boy, was he going to have a long talk with Reb tomorrow. And he was going to have plenty to say too.


	13. Fix It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Kip wakes up feeling more like himself again, Rod is in rare form and ready to break through to Reb. But neither he, nor Reb are truly prepared for the difficulty of it for them all.

The next day, everyone on the bus got an extremely late start, all sleeping in as usual following a late evening show and a late night up on the bus.

After opening up to Rod, for the first time in over three weeks since they departed Las Vegas -and possibly longer, Kip slept a full nine hours without waking once. Though it was not as deep as it would be under normal conditions, it was much better than what it had been. Despite still feeling heavy-hearted and betrayed, Kip's head and thoughts were more clear. He wasn't sure how long it would be before he got over it entirely, but he was optimistic enough that he eventually would if he just took it day by day. Just like whenever any other adverse happening settled on him in the past.

Rod noticed when Kip finally got up, and gave him a little while to wake up fully, go about the morning routine, and get dressed before approaching him. He didn't want to seem like he was waiting for the very moment that Kip awoke to interrogate him. Kip already tended to be private about stuff that was painful for him, and Rod knew that being pushy would likely result in Kip shutting him out until he crashed again like last night.

About fifteen minutes later, Kip made his way toward the lounge. As he did, Rod came out and stopped him along the way so he could check in without judgement from Paul and Reb.

"Hey, Kip. How are you feeling? Little better this morning?" He tried to be indirect, as not to throw it at Kip.

Kip held up a hand parallel to the ground and tilted it side to side to indicate that he wasn't really feeling too great, but he was trying to be positive -which was a step toward normal for him. 

"It still hurts, and I guess that's kind of expected. But yes. I am feeling better." He tried to smile.

"You look _a lot_ better," confirmed Rod. Kip's eyes were still sad and tired, but they were noticeably less droopy from lack of sleep. "Getting some sleep help?"

Kip nodded. "Some. It's tough. That's an understatement, but you know -I'm going to say it'll be alright. You know we always figure out a way to make it alright in the long run; I can do that too, just like any other time."

Rod nodded. "Good. Keep hanging in there, Kip, and you know -we're here." He gave the singer a firm pat on the shoulder, which Kip responded to with a brief, weak smile before continuing into the lounge.

_And you will be okay, Kip, and things will be alright. Because if Reb did what I think he did, he's going to take what he's done and fix it._ Rod had slept fitfully, only half-asleep and planning most of the night how to go about talking to Reb that was most likely to get through to him and help Kip without causing any drama that wasn't inevitable. He was now ready to implement his plan as soon as there was a chance to talk to Reb where it was less likely someone would interrupt or overhear.

So when the first refueling stop of the day fell at the time after everyone was awake, including Reb, Rod took full advantage of the extended stop time. He warned their driver that he and Reb were getting off the bus for a maximum of twenty-five minutes, possibly longer, to have a serious discussion. To make sure they were not left behind if it were to drag on longer than expected, he also told the driver that they would come to him and check in as soon as they got back on the bus, and if they had not, then they were not back yet.

"Reb, we need to have a talk. You and me. Right now. Outside the bus in private -let's go."

Rod's tone was dark, low, quiet, and showed very little sign that he would take any answer other than 'yes'. It wasn't like Rod to be so assertive and demanding toward Reb, or anyone for that matter, nor was it like him to be so serious. He was practically scowling, unlike his usual smile that seemed semi-permanent.

So Reb followed Rod off the bus, wondering what had gotten him so riled up.

Rod walked around to the back field behind the old Pilot Flying J convenience store and truck stop. Whatever this was about, he didn't want anyone else besides Reb involved in it.

"What the hell did you think you were doing when you went through Kip's phone settings, Reb?" he hissed.

"What are you talking about?" Reb looked confused and innocent regarding Rod's bold question.

"Three weeks ago when we left Vegas -what were you thinking?!" demanded Rod. "I saw you pick up Kip's phone. As I'm putting two and two together, I'm finding I have pretty good reason to believe you poked around with things!"

Reb became more assertive, catching on.

"Damn right I did. If Kip thinks that it's healthy to have that Danish idiot in his life -that guy played a major part in destroying his image in the 90s, and if he thinks that asshole can be trusted-"

Rod cut Reb off, raising his voice, yet resisting the urge to full-out yell so that anyone around the front of the building could hear. It was way further out of control than he would have ever expected, and Reb's disregard had him seeing stars in disbelief.

"You're joking, right? Are you out of your mind? Reb! You made a mess! Do you have any idea what you've done or what Kip feels because of it? Have you looked into his eyes these past few weeks and seen what I'm seeing?!"

"Kip is resilient. Do you realize how much more damage would have been done if he let that douche hurt him again?" asked Reb.

Rod gave a very forceful, huffing sigh, softening his expression slightly from pure rage to extreme exasperation. He continued trying to keep himself from yelling by dropping down to a dark, low tone.

"Reb Beach, you are one hell of a friend to Kip, and _I know_ you care deeply about him -probably as much as you possibly could -and you don't want to see him hurt, but you are _strangling_ Kip with your protectiveness. And if you don't stop soon, you're going to choke him off. I know you were only trying to protect him -it's in your nature. Right now, I can tell you have _no fucking idea_ just how much more damage you did to him because of it though. Not one. _What did you change_ on Kip's phone?" 

Reb shrugged. "I just deleted Lars' number from the contact list and blocked his number so Kip wouldn't receive calls from him. Sooner or later, Lars was going to show his true colors-"

"He already was showing his true colors, Reb! People can change!" Rod blew his stack despite his efforts not to shout. "I don't know how much, but we all know we've changed over the years. The guys in Metallica have been through a lot since the time of that incident, and they have almost certainly changed at least some. Did you actually watch those two instead of holding your grudge from the past and letting it skew what you saw? Those two have feelings for each other, Reb. I could see it before Kip even knew it. And there are certain things that you _just don't do._ What were you thinking? You mean well, but you can't just go through his stuff like that and dictate what he does without him knowing it. It's common knowledge -if it's not yours, leave it alone unless you have permission. And even then it still wouldn't have been okay to go poking through anybody's phone like that!"

Rod paused and took a deep breath, held it a second, then slowly exhaled while shaking his head, trying to calm down and stop yelling. This was the closest thing he'd experienced to a fight with any of his bandmates, and he didn't know how the guys in other bands could take it. It was gut-wrenching.

"Reb, I don't think you realize it based on what you're saying to me, but you're in some pretty big trouble. You've created a mess, and I'm not cleaning it up. Kip sure as hell isn't cleaning it up either. You're the one who made it, and you'd better start coming up with an idea for how to deal with it."

"Why should I be the one to deal with Lars Ulrich? I can't stand that asshole, you know-"

Rod cut Reb off again, more controlled this time.

"Reb, look at it this way. Back in the 90s. That music video. Who was on that poster?"

"Kip was on the poster," answered Reb matter-of-factly.

"Yes. Who _wasn't_ on the poster?" Rod pried.

Reb didn't answer.

"Reb, it's pretty ironic that the guy who had darts thrown onto his poster can forgive Lars for making a stupid and idiotic error in judgement, but you can't. And you can't accept that Kip forgives him," stated Rod quietly, knowing he'd cracked through the barrier.

"It hurt seeing that video, Rod. It really did. Kip is the best friend I have and he's always been there, and seeing somebody attack him like that..." Reb trailed off.

"And don't think I'm not aware of that Reb -I get it," assured Rod, softening his tone a bit. "But that doesn't mean that you can restrain Kip because of how you feel about it. Can you promise not to repeat this to Paul and John or tell Kip I told you if I tell you something?"

Reb shrugged. "Okay?" he asked, confused as to why Rod was suddenly so secretive.

"Last night, Reb, when I went back to the bunks early, I happened to get an odd feeling, and so I checked on Kip in his bunk," started Rod.

Reb stood silent, listening.

"Reb, I don't think I've seen anything quite like it since we've been together, but Kip was absolutely stricken. When I say that, I'm talking curled up in his bunk and _crying."_

Rod paused, just to see Reb's reaction to that alone, noting how Reb flinched lightly, shifting to make full eye contact.

"You and I both know perfectly well that that is not normal behavior for him, Reb. He's heartbroken. Last night he was as pitiful as I've ever seen him, and for the sake of his privacy, I'm not giving any more details on that. He wouldn't appreciate it if I did. What I can say is that all those things you tried to protect him from? He thinks they happened. He's been watching his phone obsessively waiting for that call to come, and it's never going to come -because that number is blocked. Kip doesn't know that though -he can't figure out why in hell the contact he knows he saved to his phone isn't there. He's now realizing that call isn't going to come, he doesn't know why, and it's tearing him apart. Because now Kip thinks Lars just put on an act to hurt him again and rub it in his face. That's what you were afraid would happen. But Lars Ulrich didn't cause that here. _You did."_

Reb frowned. The denial he'd felt last night was losing its hold.

Rod paused and softened his tone further, knowing he had to keep hitting the nerve he'd just touched. He felt sick knowing where he was about to start poking, but something told him it had to happen if he was going to get all the way through to Reb.

"I know you're scared, Reb. You take things harder than the rest of us. There's not anything wrong with that in itself -it's who you are. That video, along with other things -we all know it traumatized you beyond what it ever did to the rest of us."

Swallowing hard, Reb diverted his eyes from Rod's with a deep, shuddering sigh.

"Maybe it's hard for you to accept -and don't think it didn't blow my mind, because it did. You have to remember though that Kip has a fairly good judgement of character, and he's past things. It's bothered you over these years, and don't deny that it still is, because if it weren't, you wouldn't be acting this way or thinking irrationally the way you did when you went through Kip's phone. But think about Kip. He's found good reason to trust Lars if he's willing to do that, and he was happy doing it too. Messing with that because of your own fear, Reb? You're setting Kip up to be traumatized on the same level you were. I would at least hope that you would never wish that kind of upset on Kip -with as hard as it's been for you and as close as you two are."

Rod stayed silent for a minute, giving Reb nothing to do but try and sort through his thoughts on what he'd said for a minute.

Reb, not sure where to really start, tried to address Rod's simplest question. _What were you thinking?_

Reb really couldn't remember what he'd been thinking at the time. It was all a blur of fearing what Lars could have done. He _hadn't_ been thinking, period. He hadn't given the smallest thought as to what Kip would think or see from it -just getting Lars away.

Now, Kip was suffering from it.

"Lars is probably upset with Kip too," warned Rod, finally breaking the silence. "I'm not sure how it shows up on Lars' phone, but it's probably either showing that it's ringing and Kip's just ignoring it and not picking up, or it's telling him he's blocked. Lars doesn't know what you did and that it wasn't Kip."

"Would Lars hold a grudge on Kip?" Reb looked down at his shoes as he traced a pattern in the overgrown grass.

Rod got serious again, his tone hardening.

"I have no idea, Reb; I don't know how he reacts to these things. But Kip shouldn't have to suffer that grudge if he does. And he won't, because one way or another, _you_ are going to contact Lars. You're going to let him know that you are the reason that Kip never answered any of his calls and never called him. And you _will_ tell Kip what you did and own up to it so that he's not in his bunk at night losing sleep trying to figure out what he did wrong. That's an order from me, because I'm not telling Kip. _He needs to hear it from you."_

"And how should I-?" Reb started, beginning to look intimidated and vulnerable under Rod's orders, but Rod cut him off one last time.

His tone was very low and quiet, almost inaudible, but far more devastating than any of the yelling he'd failed to restrain himself from.

"Reb, I don't care _what_ you do. Just _fix it_. Soon as possible. I don't care if you contact Lars via phone, email, or any other means and try to patch things up on that end first -I'm pretty sure he's hurting too, regardless of whether you have sympathy for him or not. I don't care if you own up to Kip first instead, and let him know you're going to fix things before doing it so he doesn't have to sit wondering what the hell happened any longer. But I would hop to it as soon as we're back on the bus if I were you. If you had _any_ idea how much this upsets _me_ -when I don't even feel whatever Kip is feeling and how he's about to feel when he finds out what you did -you'd be playing with fire to not get right to it."

Reb flinched, shrinking back and gulping. He nodded, confirming that he understood Rod quite well and had a pretty good idea of his upset.

Rod checked his watch. Sixteen minutes. Slightly over fifteen, but not past the maximum of twenty-five, and enough time to stop in the Pilot if they wanted.

"Come on. That's enough of this. Do what you want for nine minutes, and then we're heading back to the bus. And you're going to settle this. For Kip, and for Lars too."

And nine minutes later, Reb made his way back to the bus with only one thought going through his head:

_Now you've done it. This is not going to be fun._

There was no point, in Reb's mind, in pretending otherwise. It was going to hurt Kip even more than he already was, and he was going to catch a shit load of grief for it that was going to make Rod's little scolding seem like a piece of cake. That grief probably wouldn't come as much from Kip as it would from Lars, but the majority of it would come from himself.

But it felt terrible to Reb, being told how he'd hurt Kip because he hadn't thought before acting. Because of that, he was willing to do it -if that was what it took to make Kip feel better.

So he took five minutes to think through a plan of action, and just as Rod suggested, as soon as he came up with something that had enough of a potential to work, he immediately got down to business, prepared to face any consequences or hard feelings awaiting him.

"Hey Kip?" asked Reb, coming into the lounge, all but dragging his feet in dread.

Kip seemed to read him like a book that something was up, as always. He looked up at Reb with that suspicious expression that just said that he could tell Reb wasn't feeling good about something and was about to spill his guts. It didn't help that Reb looked so that if he were a dog, his tail would have been tightly tucked between his legs. He already had the wide, timid eyes.

"Yeah Reb? Got something to talk about?"

Reb nodded. "Yeah. I think -it might be best-"

"For me to leave for a bit?" asked Paul, standing up. "Sure, I'll go sit up front with John for a bit and see what's going out on the road ahead of us. You two sort out whatever you need to."

_Oh, thank goodness_ , Reb thought internally in response to Paul's lack of argument or questioning. Not that any of them tended to disrespect each other's requests, but for Reb, it was something that made it easier at the moment, and it still was more than hard enough.

"Alright, Reb. Sit down. What's the matter?" asked Kip as soon as they were alone.

Reb sank down on the couch, inhaled deeply, and then began the difficult task of telling Kip the truth.


	14. You've Got to Make it Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reb confesses to Kip -and then comes up with an idea in addition to calling Lars in order to help him.

"Kip, I just - I'm telling you honestly, right now before I even go into the details that I screwed up. I shouldn't have done it; I messed up. I don't really know what I was thinking -mainly because I _wasn't_ thinking, or at least not properly when I did it. And you're probably going to be angry with me for doing it, which you probably deserve to be, but I'm going to turn it around. I haven't fully decided how, but I promise-"

Kip held up his hand like a traffic cop, looking mildly bewildered by Reb's frantic insistence that it was okay if he was upset.

"Reb, stop for a second and calm down. Racing in a panic to tell me is running everything together. It sounds like you did something that I deserve to be upset with. And you say you're going to take action for it. Am I getting this right?" asked Kip. 

"Yes," replied Reb firmly.

"And by the way you're acting, this 'something' that you did has an effect on me."

Reb nodded timidly.

"Now, I can't think of too many bad things that have gone down between us. We don't have too many conflicts between each other. There's only one thing I can think of recently that's had a significant effect on me. Is that where you're going?"

Nodding again, Reb tried not to gulp the way he felt like doing. He knew that Kip would start putting two and two together before he fully confessed.

Kip's expression seemed to intensify slightly from its calm state before.

"So, you're probably saying you know something about why Lars isn't calling me," stated Kip.

Reb wanted to jump up, run to his bunk, and hide in shame. Kip knew exactly where he was going. 

Most people would never notice with how subtle Kip's expressions were, but beyond the questioning look, Reb could see the tiniest details he'd learned to recognize over the years. He could see just the slightest difference in the angle of Kip's eyebrows from his usual inquisitive look -less downward slanting, and slightly more so on one side than the other. _Pain._

Reb hated seeing it there.

"Yes, I do." He sighed heavily. "Kip, I'm so sorry. I'm going to make it right. I promise." _And even if Rod wouldn't kill me, seeing you like this will if I don't._

Kip closed his eyes and leaned back in his seat as if he'd just been impacted by a physical blow. Now, without question, he was visibly upset and disappointed. Internally, he was trying to stay calm and keep himself from being angry at Reb. Having an argument wasn't going to make things better.

"Reb, if you say you're going to do something about it, then I believe you, even if I find that harder than I'm used to at the moment. But I want to know, if nothing else so I can stop thinking about it, _what_ exactly did you do?"

Reb shook his head.

"I guess I was scared. I couldn't let go of the past and I was being overprotective. I just couldn't stop thinking that Lars was going to hurt you -like convinced it would happen. And I tried to prevent him from hurting you, but I ended up making the same thing happen in a different way that wasn't his fault," he started.

Kip leaned forward slightly to show that he was listening. His expression was void of any anger, simply expectant with that barely noticeable hint of hurting.

"I got ahold of your phone when we got back to the bus, and I probably shouldn't have done that in the first place. But I blocked Lars' number and deleted his contact. You didn't forget to save it properly; it was there," explained Reb. "And I know I shouldn't have done that. It was stupid -I guess I let myself get carried away with my own fear -really I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry..."

Kip just stared a second.

Then, he raised a hand up to rest his forehead in, and slumped forward, propping his elbow on his knee, leaning over, as if trying to sort out what he'd just heard and stay calm at the same time.

"I'm so sorry."

Kip held up his index finger. A silent order. _Just wait._

After a second, he lifted his head and looked across the room at Reb. His expression was fully pained in a way that settled into Reb's stomach like a block of ice.

"So, you're telling me Lars was probably calling me all this time, and he couldn't get through. And he probably thinks that I'm at fault for this."

Reb nodded sheepishly, gulping so that it was audible and visible. "Yes, he probably has, and it's my bad."

Kip lowered his head again for a second and rubbed his temples as if he had a headache. Then he came back up and exhaled forcefully. 

"Damn it, Reb, do you have any idea how hard this has been for me -how much this hurts, and how much worse it makes it to find out that you were the one behind it?" 

Shaken, Kip swallowed hard and closed his eyes again. He continued to breathe deeply, trying to regain himself. Upset as he was, the last thing Kip wanted to do was explode and berate Reb over it. He knew that Reb already realized he'd done wrong, or he wouldn't have come and honestly told him this, and he was visibly ashamed enough.

Reb just lowered his head so that his long hair flopped forward and hid his flaming cheeks. Though he'd expected this after Rod's scolding, witnessing Kip's reaction first hand made everything he'd denied when he'd messed with that phone seem so much more real. He felt sick seeing Kip in so much pain. The cold block of remorse in the pit of his stomach kept growing heavier, and it was nauseous.

Kip sighed. "Look, Reb, I am hurt. There's no point in me lying about that. And I'm frustrated too. All of this is a lot at once and I'm not quite sure what to make of it at the moment. I'm _not_ angry with you; let me make that clear. As much as I _think_ I want to be angry right now, I know I'd really rather not. You're being honest -you wouldn't say this as a joke. I get it that you don't always have the same confidence in every situation that I do, and I can tell it was hard for you to tell me this too, because you knew it was going to upset me. And yeah, you floored me. If we weren't sitting on the couch, we'd probably both be on the floor right now."

Kip gave a pained chuckle at that.

"But Reb, you know I'd rather you tell me what you need to than hide it just because I'm not going to like what I hear. And that's gone for everything -not just apologies -from the time we formed this band. It doesn't help to hide from each other -since we live together part time it would be pretty silly to. So thank you, for that."

"Kip, you know I see you like the best friend I have," started Reb, stopping as he felt his throat tighten and tears spring to his eyes. It terrified him that he could have lost that, and Kip was still kind and patient enough to not get mad and take away his trust.

"I do to, and I've already forgiven you. Right now. I don't get mad at others for being honest, and that's how it's always been for us here. That's not going to change, so you can calm down and stop worrying about that," said Kip firmly, beginning to recover. "You said you didn't think it through, and I can believe that, because just looking at you right now, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have done it if you had and knew what it would cause."

"I'm going to deal with this, Kip. I'm going to get Lars' number. Actually, if you open up your blocked number list on your phone, unless you've blocked more numbers in the past three weeks or so, it should be at the top of the list. But I'll call him -on my own phone -and I'll explain to him what happened," assured Reb. He pushed back his own feelings, getting back to the situation at hand. _Now's not the time to sit here getting emotional about how much worse things could have been; that can wait,_ he thought to himself.

Kip immediately pulled his phone out and found the blocked caller list in the settings. Though he had not memorized Lars' number fully, the one at the top looked vaguely familiar, and as he recognized a few of the numbers in certain spots, his face lit up. That was definitely it.

"Here." Reb wrote down the number on a piece of scrap paper from a notepad he'd asked their driver to borrow. He checked over it, to make sure he'd gotten it down absolutely correct. Then, he and Kip removed the number from the blocked call list.

"Now when I get done coming clean to him, he can call you," said Reb. "You'll be able to call him too. And no, I'm not doing that again."

"Given you seem more upset at yourself now than I am at you, I would think so." Kip gave a lopsided grin. He was still hurting, but the spark of optimism was starting to return in his eyes. And unlike the weak smile he gave to Rod earlier, this one exposed his teeth -a sign he wasn't forcing it, and something that Reb and the others had seen less and less of over the past couple of weeks.

"I do have to say I've missed him," admitted Kip. "It's been long enough that I don't even know how a phone call is going to go -I feel like it would be awkward, but it's not like I haven't made a phone call after time apart, some much longer than this."

"Well, I didn't think you had called him, since the last time you two talked, it was in person," added Reb.

"True," started Kip. He paused a minute, thought, and then he got a particular look. A look that said that Kip had an idea in his mind, and possibly one with a goal and a mission to achieve it. Which meant that Kip would somehow figure out a way to do whatever he was thinking. He was too strong willed not to.

"We're arriving at the hotel in Baltimore in a couple of hours, and we're staying for two days. We don't have a show tonight, but we have one tomorrow evening... Reb, we left Vegas and we were headed East across the northern part of the country and started making our way back down. Metallica left to go along the more Southern side, and should be making their way back up the coast." He thought for a second. "Let me get my computer -if I'm predicting timing the right way, I might have a good feeling about this."

Kip tore through the bus to his bunk. It had been a couple of weeks since anyone had seen that kind of a flash of energy in him. He came back to the lounge a moment later, and pulled up Metallica's official website and the touring schedule.

"They're staying in Vienna, Virginia, and getting ready for a double show tonight and tomorrow night in D.C. That's not far from us -and it's on our path."

"Are you planning to do what I think?" asked Reb.

"I think so. After our performance tomorrow, if I go rent a car, you all can go on ahead in the bus, we'll be crossing paths, so I can go see him, and then I'll catch up with you all in Richmond. I'm hoping he'll understand and be alright once he knows what happens and we're back in contact by phone, but the opportunity is here, and I think it'll be more meaningful to see each other in person if we can. Especially after the past three weeks."

"Well, if it works into the timing and doesn't interfere with shows, I can't see why you couldn't," ceded Reb. "And as long as you're careful. But I guess I should say I know how you are, Kip, and you'll figure out a way to get there. Because I know from plenty of experiences that once you have your mind made up, you're not letting anyone stop you." _And I can add this experience to my book too_ , he thought to himself.

"Only thing is going to be traffic. I might want to look at a map and see if I can find different routes that might be a little less hectic than Interstate 95 running into D.C. in the evening. I don't get to play navigator too often with going everywhere on a bus, so that might actually be fun."

Reb nodded. He didn't want to make any comment on that, because he knew exactly why Kip got nervous driving in heavy traffic on stretches of road and at times of day that accidents were common. He'd shaken Kip's nerves enough without reminding him of other painful events from the past.

"Alright then." Reb left the room, settling it with that.

That was before he got an idea of his own. 

He had done something to drive Kip and Lars apart, and even though he wasn't comfortable with them being together, Reb couldn't help but think the best thing he could have done to fix everything was to do something to help them get back with each other even sooner.

Technically, they didn't have a show until tomorrow evening. Kip didn't necessarily _have_ to wait until after it.

Cautiously, Reb made his way through the bus towards the front lounge, treading gingerly as if the floor consisted of egg shells. Though part of him wondered if it would be best to leave Rod alone while he was agitated, the other part told him he should ask Rod, because he knew more about the state Kip was in from last night. If nothing else, it would be proof that he was trying to do something about it.

When he got up to the front lounge, Reb found Paul and John, but no Rod.

"Where's Rod?"

"He went to his bunk over an hour ago to take a nap. Like right after we got back on after stopping," said John. "He said he didn't sleep well last night and that he was dead tired and getting a headache."

Reb winced at this. That set it; he'd leave Rod alone after all and ask Paul and John instead.

"What's going on?" Paul asked Reb, figuring out that something was up.

"So, you know how in Vegas, Kip ended up getting to know Lars Ulrich and got this idea to stay in touch to see what would happen?"

"Yeah, I heard about that; pretty amusing if you ask me, but I'm curious too," said Paul."

"What about it?" asked John. "I mean, as in with you -aside from not necessarily being as open to it. What's the issue now?"

"So, I fucked up, big time," stated Reb vaguely. "I'm fixing it though. I'm practically screwed in over the head, but I'm trying to do something. Kip had an idea, and I think I have a better one from it to help him, and so that Lars isn't as upset, but I want backup on that."

Paul looked suspicious. "Does this have to do with what's had Kip in such a weird mood these past couple of weeks, or why Rod is so tired already when it's not even 2:00 o'clock?"

"Alright, you guessed it." Reb sat down and gave a general explanation of what he did, leaving out most of the details such as how Rod had found Kip in distress last night, the severity of the scolding he'd received for it, and the painful moment he'd just had with Kip. He only stated for it that Rod caught wind of it, told him, and that he'd ended up having to confess and that it hadn't been easy for either of them. It didn't take details for anyone to figure out it had been painful for Kip, or that Reb was feeling pretty terrible for it.

"Oh, Reb, I hope you can get this right." John shook his head. "The only good news there is that Lars didn't actually do that to him."

"To talk about opening old wounds and adding insult to injury," added Paul. "What is it you want to do to help Kip?"

"Well, I already told Kip. He's in the back lounge -that's what was going on, and he's okay, but-"

"Give him time to himself to think," cut in John.

"That's why I'm up here now," assured Reb. "I'm going to call Lars and tell him that it was my doing. Which is going to be fun - _not_ -but I guess I kind of brought that on myself, so that's just how it is. Thing is, you know how they were going across the bottom of the states, and we went across the northern part to come back down the coast? Well, it turns out, Metallica is making their way up the coast. And by the looks of things, we're pretty close right now."

"So you're saying we should figure out a time to let them see each other?" asked Paul. "Possibly not a bad idea if Lars doesn't revert and get mad at Kip for this."

"Kip actually checked their schedule -while I was there, and that's how I found that out. They're in D.C., and they have a performance there tonight and tomorrow night, and they might not be taking off for another day after that. Since we're in Baltimore, we're talking just under an hour and a half or so away not accounting for traffic. Kip mentioned getting a car, and when we leave after tomorrow evening's show, he would drive down and see Lars there, then catch up with us later in the night -we'd already have made it to the hotel in Richmond, and that's not far away either. My guess is Kip's made up his mind about seeing Lars -no stopping him there, and if that's not enough to drive the point home to Lars, then I don't know what is," Reb told Paul.

"Well, if Lars doesn't appreciate that, then I think that would actually put Kip more at ease with the heartbreak aspect, knowing him. At that point, he'd have all the loose ends tied up to just leave it behind, but we really should hope it'll end up alright for them, past events aside," said John considerately.

"I'd have to give Lars a piece of my mind then," sighed Reb, shaking his head. "Assuming he'll be receptive though -and I have to work on that when I call him too -what I'm thinking is... John, did we really plan anything for today to do?"

"Not really." John squinted in thought. "I mean, other than spur of the moment if we decided when we got there -we had three nights back-to-back of shows coming down the coast, and the decision was to pretty much take it easy, since we don't have a show tonight. We do have one tomorrow, then we stay tomorrow night after the show, and we don't have a show the following day. And we're not taking off for Richmond until that night-"

"Oh, I see what you're getting at, Reb," said Paul attentively, perking up.

John nodded. "Why even wait? What's the point?"

"Exactly," stated Reb. "I just, if you all agree with that, because I guess the last time I meddled with something, I didn't really make anything better with it."

"No, I don't see a problem with it," Paul dismissed.

"Me neither," added John. "Actually, I think it'll mean a lot to Kip too, for you to do that. So, you want to plan that out to get him to D.C. as soon as possible after we arrive in Baltimore?"

"If we can do that-"

Just then, Rod, who had woken up following an hour and a half of sleep, came into the front lounge with a confused expression still clouded over with sleepiness and messy hair somewhat in his face. He'd heard the three going back and forth and knew they were plotting something.

Reb, Paul, and John all looked up at Rod sheepishly.

Rod gave a short laugh, unable to keep his composure at it.

_"You troublemakers,"_ he groaned, halfway between amusement and exasperation, same as he had when Kip had first talked to him about keeping things up with Lars. "You all are up to something; I can tell, and you all gave it away looking at me like that. Just promise me it's something that's going to turn out alright without anyone getting hurt again."

"Oh, no, trust me," assured Reb.

"The hope is to actually fix some hurt," replied Paul. "Yes, it's Reb's idea too."

Rod leaned on the doorway by one hand for stability. "What are you going to do?"

"I already told Kip about everything, so yes, I am working on it," started Reb. "Kip realized that Metallica is in D.C., right now and for the next two days." He reexplained Kip's idea, and what he wanted to do instead.

"Sounds good enough -I'm not going to argue with it if it's what you want to do to deal with things," decided Rod. "Just make sure you call Lars before Kip gets there."

Reb shook his head, groaning. "Well, of course I will!"

Paul broke out laughing. 

"Sheesh, Rod, I think Reb's in more trouble with you than he is with Kip!" he remarked rather loudly.

"Paul! Shhhh!" John pointed toward the back of the bus, his eyes urgent, though he was barely holding back his own laughter, which got Reb and Rod going.

"You're going to blow our cover on this!" Reb added in. "And truth be told, I probably am in more trouble with Rod."

Rod shook his head. "Look at this, we've all gone crazy. It's been an emotional day so far for some of us too, so we could all expect it." 

Reb snorted. "No shit, and it's not even over."

Rod settled his laughter and got serious. "And no, Reb, you're not really in trouble -well, you are in what you have to deal with, but you're doing that, so it would be counterproductive for you to be in trouble with me too. Alright, if we're gonna do this, we need to plan it out well -and yes, let's keep it quiet so it's a surprise for Kip. He needs a good one."

Until they arrived at the hotel, Kip was in the back of the bus finding the optimal route to D.C., and up in the front of the bus, everyone else was figuring out how to get him there a day earlier. By the time the bus pulled into the hotel parking lot, Rod, Reb, Paul, and John had a plan to carry out.

"Alright, so to recap, everyone's going inside to put our stuff away before we do anything," said Reb. "I'm staying with Kip so he's not aware of what you all are up to, and to make it less likely that he unpacks everything."

"Yes, and then Paul and I are going into town to go get a car. Paul already looked up where to go, and I'm calling a cab before I get off the bus so it'll be here by the time I put my stuff up," said John.

"And then Rod is on lookout for when we get back," finished Paul.

"That's about it," confirmed Rod. "Paul, you said you were driving back, so John, if you could call when you're about five minutes away -that way I can get to Kip and Reb sooner to have Kip ready to come down."

John gave a thumbs up, just as the bus parked as Kip made his way to the front of the bus to get off. 

"Everyone alright up here?" he asked.

"We're all fine. Are you?" asked Paul.

Kip nodded. "I feel better from last night by a long shot, so I can't argue with that."

"Well, that's good. John and I were talking, and we need to run out and get something real quick, so we were saying that we're probably headed back out as soon as we get our luggage in our rooms."

"Nothing wrong with that." Kip descended the bus steps with his bag. "Try and see if you all can think of anything you'd like to do here too; we didn't really plan for that, and we have some downtime to poke around with."

John gave Reb a knowing look. _If he's already making that statement, then he's going to be alright._

"Alright then," confirmed Paul as they headed inside. Less than ten minutes later, he and John were back downstairs and the cab they'd called was waiting for them.

Kip ended up deciding to hang out with Reb in his room for a while. Reb saw that as good, because it meant he wasn't unpacking, though he found himself still feeling shaky from earlier.

"Do you think I'm planning to try and do something stupid?" Kip asked, looking over the potential routes he'd highlighted on a map image he'd downloaded. Routes that kept him off as many stretches of the worst metropolis traffic as possible. "Seriously, I'm doing it anyway if everything works on schedule and the timing works and I've made up my mind by on that by this point. You can probably tell too. I'm just curious."

Reb could tell that Kip was saying that mainly to show that he still trusted him and wasn't mad. Reb didn't want to lie, but he also wanted to get a handle on his own opinions before he hurt Kip inadvertently again.

"Kip, you know how I see Lars and all those other guys in Metallica. I honestly don't understand how you love Lars-"

"I really don't know how either, Reb. Lars seemed baffled by it too -it just struck. It struck him first, because he came to me -and I guess it was supposed to happen, because it hit me too," explained Kip. "I can count on three fingers how many times I've gotten it like this-"

"And that's why you have to see him. Even if it's not the best thing for the relationship, if it's what you need to do to feel better about this, then you have to. I would say that if Lars wants to get mad at you over it and doesn't understand why you went to him, then I'd say he's every bit of the asshole I see him as, and he doesn't deserve you. But I guess you should be the judge of that, because I already hurt you trying to protect you, and I don't want to do something stupid again," conceded Reb.

Kip shook his head. "Reb, you're the best friend I could ask for over these years, but you can be stubborn as hell when you want to be."

Reb swallowed. He was starting to tear up even faster than he had while confessing, knowing just how lucky he was to have a long time friend like Kip. And not only had he put Kip at risk to lose Lars, but he'd put himself at risk of losing Kip. Thinking of what would have happened if Kip had been angry and stayed that way hurt. He wasn't sure if that hurt more or less than realizing that he'd inflicted that same hurt on Kip in multiple ways.

"I should know it better than anyone else with how often I get myself in trouble with it," Reb murmured, barely audible as his throat constricted. _Crap._

"I would hope you know it," teased Kip. Then he turned serious. "Stubborn or not, Reb, you know I still love you. Nothing's ever going to change that either. Not this, whatever's going to happen with Lars, or anything else, okay?"

Unable to come up with words to respond, Reb stepped forward and pulled Kip into a hug instead, hoping it wouldn't upset him. Reb felt Kip return it, pulling him tightly the same way he always had, as if nothing had happened. He hiccupped on a stray hitch that rose to his throat and inwardly swore when he couldn't stop a few tears from escaping.

"Alright, I've said it; I'm not upset," assured Kip, sounding somewhere between amusement and getting choked up himself. "Enough. Don't cry, Reb. Trust me, I did enough of that last night. No more. There's no point in you ripping yourself up for it now when I've already forgiven it, okay?"

Reb nodded silently.

"And correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you should also know better than anyone else that if I'm willing to forgive Lars for the past, it would be pretty ridiculous for me to not forgive you."

That remark earned Kip a small chuckle out of Reb. _There it is._

"Never thought of it that way," Reb sniffled.

"Neither of us can change what happened, but we can work to try and turn it around. Nothing we haven't done before, huh?"

Kip seemed to be taking a similar mindset as he had years ago when Reb had called him early in the morning over the music video. This was the same thing over again, albeit for a different reason.

"It's going to be a whole lot faster this time. I promise," said Reb, detaching from the hug, wiping his eyes, and trying to place himself in Kip's positive mindset. He kept telling himself that if they could make a comeback from the video -if after a rather acrimonious break -they could recover from this. That itself wasn't as difficult as Reb expected -the only hard part left was calling Lars. He hoped that wouldn't be as hard as telling Kip, and there seemed to be a chance of that. The tension had lowered significantly from when they were on the bus, and both he and Kip were feeling a whole lot better despite the pain of it.

"I believe it." Kip met Reb's eyes with a gentle smile and a hint of concern. "Are you okay now?"

"Yeah," said Reb, glancing to the mirror on the wall to confirm that his eyes weren't noticeably swollen. It was that second that a knock came on the door. _Rod?_

Half an hour had passed. Reb turned to look from the mirror to out the window and could see Paul and John returning down in the parking lot. Paul was standing outside by the car at the side door while John was heading for the building. 

Kip opened the door. Sure enough, it was Rod.

"Paul and John are back," Rod announced. "We're going to meet them downstairs by the side door that's closest to us. And Kip? John said to bring your bag."

Kip looked confused at this, but he picked up his bag anyway. Behind him, Reb frantically picked up the highlighted map he'd printed and a few other small things that Kip had out and would need.

Kip followed Rod downstairs and to the end of the hall, Reb following both of them, and saw John standing inside the door, and Paul standing outside next to a rental car. It was a simple sedan, nothing flashy or sporty, but it had room to hold Kip's overnight equipment, and looked like it would be more comfortable should he have to sit in traffic. It was also the type of car that visibly had full safety features inside, which was a must whenever Kip was choosing a rental car for himself.

"Surprise!" shouted Paul, running forward through the hotel lobby doors.

"What?!" exclaimed Kip, eyes widening. Knowing quite well what Paul and John had done didn't keep him from being overwhelmed anyway.

"We didn't have anything better planned to do today, so you've got a car, and you're going to see Lars," said Rod matter-of-factly.

And I made sure the gas is filled, so it's all set for you. No waiting around -if you're going to try and track down Lars, we all say you go ahead and do it today. Right now, if you want," added Paul. "We'll have time to hang out here after our show before we leave for Richmond."

"Oh my goodness... Paul, you didn't have to-"

Paul held up his hand.

"It was Reb's idea."

Reb blushed and hid in his hair again. "I screwed up and pulled them apart, so didn't know what else to do but get you two back together."

"We figured we'd give him some help," cracked John.

"Wow, you guys," Kip murmured. He wiped his eyes and grinned jokingly. "I told myself I was done crying, and here I am getting teary-eyed at this."

"Awww," said Rod, mock-teasingly. "Not again. No, you'll be alright."

Kip recovered himself. "Oh, I'm sure."

It was beyond Kip how what had started out as one of his worst days with his band mates had quickly turned around into one of the best days, but it seemed like something they'd always been good at doing. If things could work out with Lars, it would make it perfect. Though unlike last night, Kip had no doubt that he would be okay regardless of what happened with the long time friends and bandmates he had.

"It's got a GPS in it. You'll have to tell it the route you want to go by that you scouted out, but it'll be easier and safer for you as a lone driver to have it instead of having to flip through maps," explained Paul.

"I do have those here though, so you have them if you want it," cut in Reb, passing Kip his highlighted map print. _"And_ this." Reb had also picked up Kip's phone charger from the counter in his room, along with its adapter for the car from the storage basket on the bus.

"I'm calling Lars as soon as you take off, so you're gonna want your phone functional in case if he calls you after I'm done clearing stuff up and all," Reb continued as Kip took the items, then pulled Reb into another hug. This time, without tears.

"Thanks, you guys. Really, this is... You know, I'm actually pretty nervous right now. I don't end up saying that too often." Kip's hands were shaking a bit as he picked his bag back up and hitched it over his shoulder, said goodbyes to Rod and John, and as he took the keys from Paul after crossed the threshold of the door to stand outside under the awning. But he was determined to make it work out now.

"I was gonna say, Kip Winger nervous? I thought I'd never see the day," joked Paul.

Rod shook his head, stepping outside, Reb and John following him. "Don't be nervous, Kip, you'll be alright -I know it. Knowing you."

"Good luck, Kip, you've got this. And remember, as soon as you pull away, I'm calling him -but I'll leaving your visit a surprise," added Reb with assurance. "If he calls and you want to tell him or leave it that way, it's up to you."

"Go get him, Kip," encouraged John as Kip turned toward the parking lot.

"We're cheering for you!" added Paul playfully, before breaking out in mock-applause. Reb, John, and Rod quickly followed.

"Knock it out, Kip!" 

Kip chuckled to himself and blushed. He didn't even need to be looking to know that last remark over the cheering was Reb. 

_God, those guys are the best. They crack me up all the time._

He got himself and his belongings settled in the car, giving a quick thumbs up through the window to the guys before preparing to exit the parking lot.

Then he dialed in the GPS and got going in the direction of the highway. Everything was settled with Reb with no big loss between them, and now he was on his way to Lars sooner than he anticipated.

And as Kip disappeared from sight into traffic, Reb turned and went back into the hotel, up to his room for the last difficult task: calling Lars.


	15. Cure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars gets a phone call

Lars awoke at 3:45 PM to his phone ringing.

The past three weeks had been brutal for Lars. He had remained optimistic the first week with Rob's suggestion, waiting for a call from Kip, and calling Kip once every night to see if his calls would finally go through. 

None of them had, and the hope he'd managed to scrape together began dwindling pretty fast after that.

By the end of the second week, it ran out, and Lars was left heartbroken. When he ran out of hope and broke again -completely this time -he withdrew himself into his hotel room and went to bed early as possible after the show that night, feeling as if all the energy left after his performance had dropped out of him. 

The worst part of that night was that he never really fell asleep. He just lay in a numb state, disjointed and incoherent thoughts weaving in and out of his conscious. According to his bandmates, the first night he'd gone into this phase, he'd had another fit of crying, though Lars couldn't recall it happening, even the following morning when James had come to check on him when he was still in bed at noon, frantically asking if he was okay. Lars could barely remember what James had said when he came in that morning too. Everything was hazy. 

James remembered very well. He'd heard Lars through the thin hotel walls that night. Though it had been a very brief spell, and nothing incredibly rough due to Lars' numb state, James had been furious. He had wanted to punch, strangle, or throw something hard, and even found himself at a moment reaching for a lamp just as Lars had when he'd first found himself blocked. 

But James found himself a minute later sitting on his hands and breathing deeply to calm down. If he could hear Lars, then Lars would definitely hear him if he made a scene. James realized that would probably scare Lars, and he'd promised Lars that he wouldn't, and he couldn't take any action unless Lars specifically asked for his help in this. He still couldn't help feeling protective of Lars. James had a significant fear of abandonment, and though he wasn't the one being abandoned, seeing Lars -the one person who despite their arguments had never left him behind -dealing with that pain gave him flashbacks.

Instead of getting worked up at Kip, James met up with Rob and Kirk, and adjusted the hotels booked for that week. They would take turns at each hotel to have one of them room with Lars so that he didn't have to be alone at night. They always decided on who else's room Lars' roommate of the night could go if Lars decided he needed space to himself and would rather be alone.

And so the first night after that, James roomed with Lars, and if Lars wanted to be alone, James was to go to Kirk's room. The next night, Lars was rooming with Kirk, and Kirk's backup was to go stay with Rob. And that pattern rotated each night they relocated to another city and another hotel.

Now, another week and a half later, they were finally at a point where Lars consistently felt okay alone at night again. He was still heartbroken, and only just starting to come around. But he was also often lethargic and lacking energy due to insomnia and taking at least two hours to fall asleep. If they were leaving a city the next day, he would pack up most of his stuff that night after the show so that he could sleep as late as possible and just grab his belongings and go within twenty minutes.

On days when they were staying in the same place more than one night, he would sleep until the late afternoon, or until they had to head to the concert venue to prepare for a show.

Lars now found it pretty ironic how roughly four weeks ago when he'd slept until 12:30, he'd felt that it was late for him, but now he was surprised to be woken up by his phone at almost 4:00 o'clock in the afternoon.

He wasn't sure who it was, not recognizing the number. But in his tiredness, he decided to just answer it and see who it was rather than question who it could be and wait for a message.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Lars."

Lars sat up. That voice sounded vaguely familiar. Then, he realized who it was. Reb Beach.

He felt something inside him snap hard, leaving a stinging feel behind it. What had he done now? He was already in pain over Kip, and now he had to deal with Reb again?

Before he could think any further, his temper unleashed full-force at Reb.

_"What do you want,_ Reb? You want to rub this whole thing in my face some more? Laugh at me for even thinking it would work out between Kip and I? Yeah, I know you hate me, so _focking go ahead_. I'm practically as low as I can get anyway, so a whole lot of difference it would make."

Reb gulped, going shaky in the legs and slowly sliding down to the floor from where he was leaning against the wall in his room. He blew out a slow exhale as he grasped to keep his resolve.

_Oh, damn it, it's worse than I was afraid of... But then what did I expect? Lars isn't like Kip at all in the temper department, and I didn't even expect Kip to let go as fast as he did..._

"Lars, can you just hear me out? Please? If you think I'm trying to talk shit, I'm not. You probably don't believe me, but I'm not. Please, this is about Kip. For Kip."

"Is Kip finally making this official then? I can't believe he's not even saying it to my face, which is pretty focking-"

"Lars Ulrich, will you _SHUT UP_ and _listen_ to me?!" demanded Reb, feeling a faint tremble in his voice toward the end and hoping it didn't give his fear away.

Lars stopped, pulling the phone away from his head, wincing and looking at it incredulously as he raised his palm to his now-ringing left ear. _Christ, that hurt!_ He was surprised Reb even had the guts to shout directly to him, let alone that loud.

"Maybe I will if you don't destroy my ears first!" 

Lars heard Reb give a light, huffy sigh of impatience at that, but he backed down to a normal volume.

"Lars, I know you think it's Kip's fault. It's not, okay? It's _mine_. This whole thing is _my fault_ , and Kip was every bit as confused by it as you probably are," urged Reb.

_"What?"_ demanded Lars, confused.

"Lars -well, you can probably guess I'm a person who struggles with trust and forgiveness. I'm _never_ going to be able to bring myself to like Metallica or trust you the way Kip does. So don't expect it, because _it's not going to happen_. But I got completely carried away with that, and I was selfish."

"What do you mean?" cut in Lars impatiently.

"I hijacked Kip's phone when he wasn't watching it, okay? I blocked your number; he didn't. He didn't even know you were blocked or that you were trying to call him, because he didn't see it happen. I already had this conversation with him, and he was pretty shaken up, and he's not been himself the past few weeks, so it's pretty clear he didn't know."

Lars was silent, keeping a shaky death grip on his phone, which was now in a new protective case and in danger of being thrown again. He was furious with Reb.

But at the same time, he was bewildered and didn't really know what to feel as a whole bunch of other thoughts whirled inside him. Kip didn't know? Kip technically hadn't blocked him? _Kip still wanted to be in contact with him?_

He felt his stomach begin to tie up in knots again, though he wasn't sure whether the nervousness was from fear of heartbreak, or hope that it wasn't what it seemed.

"Lars, the reason I'm calling you now is because I had a feeling you were going to be angry and react aggressively. Apparently, I don't always think wrong, because you just did, but Kip doesn't deserve it. I do. So be mad at me here, and blame it on me, but _do not_ drag it out on Kip after this conversation is over, because it's not fair to him. He's been watching obsessively for calls, and he's been restless and struggling to sleep. Yeah, and I tried to deny it had to do with this too, so that's _another_ thing you can blame me for."

Lars sucked in air. "So what made you decide to finally do this all of a sudden?"

Reb sighed shakily.

"All I know was that he lost his resolve last night and was in a lot of pain and really having a hard time. I don't know exactly what happened because I wasn't there. Rod was, and he had a lot to say to me this morning. You'd better believe he gave me a reality check, and if you think I was yelling, I'll have you fucking know my ears are still ringing from that too when he even tried not to yell through most of it.

"Don't think that it'll ever lead me to like you or Metallica, because it _didn't_ , and it _won't._ It _did_ remind me that this is about Kip and his happiness, which is more important than my opinion of your band -which still stands whether you like said opinion or not. But if you decide to jump all over Kip for this, not only will Rod likely call you and give you a reality check, but I'd have to give you one myself, because he's in enough pain already without you not looking at what's actually going on."

Lars bit his lip, his voice demanding, tone harsh and clipped.

"Why didn't Kip call me instead? I gave him my number."

"Because I deleted that contact once I blocked your number. He hadn't dialed it before, so he hadn't had the chance to memorize it fully. He couldn't remember the whole thing off the top of his head to dial it himself. And he didn't know it was waiting in there for him under his blocked numbers," confessed Reb. "If you'll believe it, I'll tell you that when showed him that list after getting done admitting all this to him, he immediately recognized number at the top, and his whole face lit up."

Lars choked up, able to imagine Kip perking up in his own way -understated, but still noticeable. 

"Is he alright?" he asked in a softer tone, inwardly cursing himself and hoping he didn't sound as emotional as he was getting.

"He's alright as he could possibly be after three weeks of insomnia and massive heartache last night. I don't know what happened, because Rod was the one who found him and dealt with it. Kip's private about stuff like this; I'm not going to ask him about it -all I know is that he crashed, and that takes a lot for him. Unless he opts to tell you the details himself, please _don't ask._ But he perked right up this morning, and he's hopeful again. I've known him much longer, but for right now, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you know how him better than I think you do."

Reb paused, and then added in a very threatening tone. "Lars, you can be mad at me -I said it once and I'll say it again. I don't care; it won't change a thing between us. But Kip has hope that whatever you all have isn't over now that he knows what happened and knowing that I'm telling you. I know you can't personally see how he lit up when he saw that number this morning. I know you _did_ see how he forgave you for what you did -and I probably didn't deserve to get it so fast, but he's already forgiven me for this too. I'd say if you really care about him, you'd give that same forgiveness to him even if this isn't his fault. He gave you his trust, and he doesn't do that to just anyone. He has feelings for you to some level. So if you're going to leave him hurting just because you're mad at something out of his control, you are one heartless motherfucker who never deserved any of it from him."

"I loved him, Reb; I still do. _Of course_ I _don't_ want him upset like this -I already know it. It focking hurts. And no, I wouldn't wish it on him."

"Well, if you still love him -because I can guarantee that he at least cares a lot about you with how he responded earlier today -I suggest you show it to him that you understand he's not responsible," ordered Reb, and then added, "That's why I called -so that you wouldn't unleash your famous temper on him after the ridicule you've already caused him."

Lars snorted and rolled his eyes. Leave it to Reb to still be bitter. But then again, James had been bitter at first too. Maybe Reb would come around. If he didn't, Lars could hardly give two shits as long as he and Kip were able to be back together again.

"Well, I'm not _mad_ at him now that I know. I wasn't so much mad before as I was _hurt,"_ said Lars bitterly.

"Well, you take care of him now that I've done my part of healing his heartache, and _maybe_ I'll find it in myself to _respect_ you just a little bit," sighed Reb. He was becoming desperately tired of this. It had been a rough, heavy, and emotionally charged day, and it seriously needed something to lighten it up.

That was when Reb realized that maybe there was some way to inject a positive connotation into the poster incident. Something that would make it better for not just himself, but Kip and Lars both as well.

"Lars?"

"Yeah, Reb? What else?"

"If you're really mad at me and can't get over it without putting it on Kip, and you promise not to post a video of it or include it in a video, I _might_ give you my permission to throw a dart through a picture of myself. If it helps."

There was silence for a second.

Then, Reb heard Lars chuckle. And though he'd have never expected himself to do so, he laughed too, more out of relief. Lars wouldn't be laughing if he wasn't planning on calling Kip and restoring their relationship. It was going to be okay.

_Oh, thank goodness -I'm not ever gonna do that again now that this is settled..._

At least he'd _try_ not to. Reb wasn't certain he'd be able to keep from triggering his protective side -that would be a tall order with Metallica. But he would try, and he highly doubted that if he were to slip it would be anywhere near the severity of this fiasco.

"I'm a bit tempted, but I don't think that'll be necessary. And I don't think Kip would appreciate that too much -if at all. You still are part of the band, so it would be like an insult to him in a roundabout way," declared Lars. 

He had very much decided that his days of throwing darts at posters were over. It was by pure luck it hadn't been the very thing to make this relationship completely impossible, and looking back, it was stupid with all the other possible ways that it could have backfired a lot worse if Kip weren't so patient with it.

"You could do it to a picture from my stint with Dokken," said Reb sardonically. "But I won't make it an order."

"Oh no, that'd be like opening a whole 'nother can of worms. Nothing but trouble. Hell, no," groaned Lars, not even wanting to go there. That would be playing with fire. At least nobody in Winger seemed to be as magnetized toward drama.

"I think I'd rather just call Kip now. I've really missed him."

"Alright then, I'll let you go; he's probably hoping for a call now too," said Reb firmly, the humor leaving his tone. Then, hesitantly...

"And Lars? Thanks for hearing me out, for Kip's sake."

Lars nodded. "Thanks for telling me everything."

Then, he hung up.

Lars looked around the room, all his stuff strewn around the room in a way he hadn't had since the 90s, rather than in some semblance of order he tried to keep nowadays. He looked at the clock, which now read 4:00.

"Holy shit... What the fock? -what _have_ I been doing sleeping in this late into the day?" he groaned to himself, internally realizing that James and Rob had been picking up the slack of what Lars was usually in charge of for the past couple of weeks.

"And this mess _-oh, Lord..."_

He jumped out of bed, hurrying to get showered and dressed so that once he was out, he wouldn't have to worry about it if he were to spend more time on the phone than he anticipated before going to the venue to finish setting up. There was a chance things would work out yet. 

Finally, dressed for departure to the venue, and attempting to clean up some of the chaos in the room, Lars picked up his phone and dialed that number he'd called so many times in the past few weeks without success.

He waited a second, hitting the send call button.

The sound of a phone ringing on the other line. One of the most glorious sounds he'd thought he'd never have break through his tinnitus-tainted hearing.

Then, an even better sound.

"Hello?"

That flat accent. Calm, gentle, and enough to pull Lars back to the parking lot where he'd last heard it and make him go crazy. It even still had the same hint of sadness to it it had held that day, twisting Lars' stomach.

"Hey, Kip?" he managed to make out.

He wasn't quite sure which one of them started laughing first -all Lars knew was he'd barely gotten his response out before he lost it. But once they got going, it was contagious between them, near hysterical to the point at which it brought tears to his eyes, and just a perfect representation of how overwhelming the whole thing was.

"Oh my goodness," Kip gasped, finding himself somewhat lost for words -not a typical thing for him. "Well, Lars, I'd say we're back -in a way."

He put the car in park, watching carefully at the car behind him in case if it started to move. So much for avoiding traffic -Kip was sitting completely stuck in it stopped practically to a standstill at the moment anyway as the result of an accident down the road -and he didn't want to have his foot come off the brake pedal if he got too distracted. Another traffic accident wouldn't help the delay, and one involving himself would shatter his nerves. Already, Kip was hoping the response crews would have the one ahead mostly cleared by the time he got up there so he wouldn't see it.

"I thought my call might never go through -the difference not being blocked makes!" laughed Lars.

"Alright. You know that wasn't exactly my doing, right?" asked Kip in his classic flat tone, but with an ever so slight hint of playful scolding. He was pretty confident that Lars knew about it, because the fact Lars had called told him that Reb already had.

"Reb told me -I know. I started to get upset as time went on, but I couldn't understand why you would block me now," said Lars.

"Well, that's because I didn't. And now you know," replied Kip. "Now we _both_ know -I didn't know either."

"Yeah, now I know alright. Now I need to figure out why I even let myself believe you might have -all the times in the past you tried to approach me and I was the one who pushed you away -though I guess that's my stubborn temper and pathetic sense of trust at work," snorted Lars.

"I think we both had some fears that we can't explain, so there's no real reason to worry about that," said Kip.

"We're even. That was rough." Lars sighed, audibly still trying to get his bearings over the whole situation. "I should have thought to try you on a different phone. Then none of this focked up mess would have had to happen, and a whole lot of pain and speculation would have been avoided," he brooded. "Better yet, I should have called you before we left so it would have been in number history so none of it would have happened."

"Hey, look at it this way, Lars. It's over. This entire mess from the past three weeks and beyond is over. Now we can decide where we go from here, and how," said Kip. "We can stay apart on the calling front if you feel like this was too much, We can knock the time down to longer intervals like every two weeks instead and build back up from there if that's easiest for you. Or, if you're ready and you don't think things have changed too significantly from this, we can pretend this incident never happened, and do what we would have done if things had worked the very first time you tried calling."

Kip waited as tense silence took over for a minute.

Given Lars' temperament, Lars needed to do what was capable of making him happy for that to work without pushing it too fast after this. If Lars didn't feel they could recover it, then they had to let go now or face more pain later. Kip didn't think that would happen, but he found himself bracing himself for that possibility, even if it was for the best.

"It might be a little difficult at first, like breaking the ice that kind of got going, but I think with this phone call, we're like already on our way to doing that. So, if you think you can do it, because I'm willing to try -fock it, more like I _want_ to try -let's pretend it never happened. As if we were never blocked," decided Lars. "I think if we were this excited to hear from each other after this, and it was as hard as it was over the past few weeks, we've spent enough time out of communication already."

Kip wasn't sure he'd expected this answer, knowing Lars' trust issues and temperament, but he was glad for it. A lot really had changed over the years, and they were good changes even without this coming from it. Kip had never enjoyed the divide between bands in the 80s, and there were plenty of signs to show he wasn't the only one, this being the one he'd have never predicted. Not that he liked everything to be predictable -that was boring.

"Well, then that's what we'll do, because I can agree with that. However, Lars?"

"Yeah?" Lars sounded nervous.

Kip almost laughed. "Lars, don't get nervous; it's not bad. I was bored and I went knocking around town in rush hour traffic. Kind of silly of me. So I might want to call you back later, because I am stuck in it and when it starts moving-"

"Oh! Okay, then I'll let you go until later. Sorry." Lars snickered lightly too.

"You couldn't have known that either," assured Kip.

It occurred to Kip, hanging up, the the last time he'd said goodbye, he'd noted that he and Lars hadn't exactly crossed paths often. And Lars had mentioned that they might possibly have to see about making it happen more often. Just as back in '93, he had inadvertently given a "see you later" to Lars, not having really meant it, and yet it ended up happening.

It really was funny how the prospective things that people said without any true plan or meaning behind it really could predict the future.

The traffic was starting to move again, crawling, but indeed making progress. Kip shifted the car back into drive, and began carefully following the crawl, which gradually sped up until he was back up to full speed on the highway, approaching D.C.. For sure, he'd hit another traffic jam once he got off the highway, but it would only delay him but so much, as he'd be very close by the time he got there. Metallica's equipment truck would already be at the venue. Most likely, Lars and his bandmates were now preparing to get on the road up from Vienna.

Soon -very soon, in fact, Lars and Kip would cross paths again.


	16. ...And I Find In You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kip reunites with Lars, who has a confession of his own to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost there... Two remaining chapters to finish it off.

It ended up taking Kip just under three hours to get to D.C.. Given the distance, with normal light cycles in DC, it really should have only taken an hour and twenty minutes like he'd guesstimated, because he'd spent an additional hour and a half sitting in traffic.

Because he hadn't planned on it taking three hours, Kip was a little concerned that it would be harder to get around and find everyone once he got there. But as he was arriving to the venue, a news report came up on the radio between segments with the traffic conditions, and the road coming in from the West, and from Vienna, was apparently pretty stacked too. 

It had effectively delayed Metallica coming in, and as Kip began navigating the unpaved paths off the road around the venue, he saw two vans pulling in and parking themselves, only having just arrived. Perfect timing -the backup coming in from the West was just enough to offset Kip's delay coming down from up North. Though traffic made Kip nervous, he liked to think that things happened for a reason if he tried to avoid them and they still happened anyway, and the traffic ended up working in his favor.

Kip could see crew members coming from out of the backstage trailers, and James Hetfield leading the process of getting out of the vans. Kip parked his car at a distance and turned it off, not wanting to move, draw attention to himself, and possibly have things getting awkward. Something told him just emerging from a vehicle out of nowhere would be too much for Lars, and overwhelming along with the confusion and chaos of unpacking and settling in upon arrival.

Seeing all four of Metallica head inside, Kip deemed the coast clear and got out of the car. They were busy right now, but that was fine. He would walk around the place for a few minutes to stretch his legs, which were cramped and stiff after three hours straight in traffic. Maybe try and get a look at where things were in the set-up process. It was always interesting, looking at the state of a stage half-put-together hours before a show just at arrival time.

The stage was up, but not the instruments. There was a rush of roadies running on and off with hand-trucks trying to get amps and monitors on the stage, and a ridiculous tangle of wires strewn about the floor. Same in the thrash world as it was in the hair metal world. It was beyond Kip how he chaos of wires and the endless mess ever came together into order in time for a show, but somehow they always did if with the occasional hiccup.

_Seems oddly familiar to a few other things..._

Kip found himself getting even more nervous as he walked back around to the setup out behind the stage to see if he could find Lars. 

_No getting nervous now. You came all this way for this. Make it happen._

Navigating around the backstage trailers almost reminded Kip of how Lars ended up coming around a corner and startling years back at the festival. That would have been funny if it happened that way. But Kip didn't expect it.

He spotted the four of them outside one of the equipment trailers. Lars had his back turned to Kip, facing the others, and it seemed they were discussing setup variations necessary for the stage, and if they wanted any last minute changes to the set.

_Here goes nothing._

Emerging from around the trailer he'd stood behind, Kip stood back out in the open, looking over.

In his nervous habit of glancing off when thinking and trying to share ideas that wouldn't have necessarily been taken, Kirk was the first to notice. His eyes widened and he was focused out away from any of his bandmates.

"Kirk? What the fock's the matter out there?"

"Lars, turn around," urged Kirk.

"But wh-?"

"Turn around," came a flat accent from behind him.

Lars swore his heart skipped a beat and he felt his eyes bugging out. He knew that voice, and he couldn't tell if the noise of the surroundings was distorting what he was hearing and if he should believe it, but there was only one way to find out.

James couldn't hold back a snort. Lars had been almost unmanageable in the van on the way to the venue with excitement finding out that things were okay after all, and he'd heard plenty, but he knew Lars wasn't expecting this, nor would he have thought Kip would have gone so far for Lars after everything. Not that fast at least. Maybe there was more for James to respect in Kip than he initially thought.

"Lars, you'd better turn around and look out behind you."

Slowly and cautiously, Lars did so, and sure enough, standing ten feet away and watching over...

_"What?!"_ Lars gasped, breathing heavily with shock, completely overwhelmed and taken aback. He looked like somebody who wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, being on the verge of doing both. He also couldn't grasp of what he saw was real, or just his imagination creating what he wanted to see.

Kip shrugged and put his hands up and out to his sides, sporting one of his perfect smiles that automatically pulled the corners of Lars' mouth up, and chuckled lightly.

"No, you're not imagining it."

Lars looked at Kip, down at himself, over at James, Kirk, and Rob, and back over to Kip like he didn't even know what to do. 

"I had a feeling this would all end up okay," said Rob, nodding lightly.

"Go to him, Lars," encouraged Kirk.

Lars stepped forward cautiously.

"Come here," ordered Kip with humor.

Lars glanced at James, as if seeking approval, afraid of his reaction.

But this time, James nodded, giving a thumbs up and a look of reassurance.

"Go on ahead, Lars. It's cool. Go over to him. He's here for you. We'll figure everything out on our own." He motioned for the others to go inside with him and give Lars time alone with Kip.

Shakily, Lars continued to walk forward until he was right in front of Kip, feeling as if some internal gyroscope had broken and he was going to fall over. He put his hands out to his side as he took a misstep, nearly falling down, and feeling like he was going down anyway.

Until at that very second, there was something holding him up around his middle, leaning him in against it.

Lars exhaled heavily and reflexively wrapped his arms around Kip too.

Kip, though he'd never contemplated what it might have felt like, having never imagined he would have gotten to know Lars well at all, let alone fall in love with him, was surprised at how naturally Lars fit in his arms. It was almost as though it were supposed to happen. There was also something surprisingly endearing at how gentle Lars was in his embrace.

Lars felt his dizziness shift to a lighter form and his heart flutter with euphoria as he lightly continued to hold on, not sure whether it was acceptable to grab on tightly. Either way, he felt like he didn't have to. Kip had a rather athletic build, and it reflected how Lars felt his embrace as secure and strong, but unbelievably gentle at the same time. He could hardly believe he'd ended up in it, but it was warm, real, and loving. Something about it said that Kip wasn't going to disappear like in the 90s, or the past few weeks, again.

"How's that for a surprise, then?" asked Kip wittily as they pulled apart.

Lars was blushing as he looked up toward Kip, regaining his sense of balance.

"I'm lost for words. Not too many people can say they've done that to me, you know, and you're one of them." He swallowed and looked down as he felt a light sting in the corners of his eyes, then reached up to wipe them before the tears could get going.

"Fockin'..."

"Hey," murmured Kip in reference to Lars becoming emotional. "I already had to settle Reb down today -twice, and I'm not even going to talk about last night now, so don't get too worked up. It's all good. Everything's fixed, and trust me -I don't think any of us are going to let it happen again."

"Oh no," groaned Lars before blowing out a sigh. He was looking a bit faint, still in shock. "I'm not, that's for sure."

"Are you okay?" asked Kip, knowing it was probably adrenaline, but checking just in case.

"Fock yes, I'm okay. Christ..." He shook his head. "Are _you_ okay, Kip?"

"I've gotta say, it's been an emotional twenty-four hours -it's crazy -but yes, I'm okay. The difference between last night and today is incredible, and in a good way, so I can't ask for any better than that."

Lars bit his lip hard.

Kip frowned. "Lars," he warned. "Stop that before you hurt yourself. What's the matter?"

Lars gulped. He at least definitely thought that Kip loved him back by now. He had been doubtful, but the phone call and this surprise visit told him otherwise. Still, he couldn't help but fear rejection if Kip didn't feel the same way and was weirded out by it.

"Yeah, um..." Lars felt himself going into his stutter pattern as he had in the back hallway of the venue in what was just slightly under a month ago when he'd first approached Kip. "Kip? I never -it's hard to explain, and I don't want to say it wrong and weird you out... um, I didn't really say-"

Lars trailed off, feeling like he was going to pass out from nervousness.

_I might as well say it. He can probably tell already just from how I've been acting. And if I lose him -well, I don't want to, but at least I got this to remember._

Lars flinched sharply as he felt a gentle touch under his chin of fingers calloused heavily from thick bass strings, and a slight push that made it so he had to lift his head and look back up from the ground. 

He met Kip's eyes, and a soft and affectionate expression -still subtle as ever, but clear as day for Lars.

"Lars, calm down before you pass out. I love you, but I don't like seeing you get this anxious. It's not good for you either. Take your time; I think you know by now that I'll wait."

Lars did a double take.

_Holy shit- what did he just say?! Did I hear that right?_

Maybe Kip had said it to calm him down, but he'd said it -which meant it had to be somewhat true!

"Well," said Lars, drawing in a deep breath. "I never said it explicitly. I did tell you -you know, I think you're a really great person, Kip. You have, um -I would call it a lot of good wit and insight -you see things in a different way that makes me really think about things. You're really forgiving in a way that -I don't know how to get into it, but it means a lot to me how open and kind you've been. For me, after everything. Giving your trust to me, and still giving it to me after everything in the past couple of weeks..."

Lars gulped. "And, what I'm basically trying to say is -you already kind of said it. I love you, Kip. I love you too. Everything that's happened in the past says it should be otherwise, but I do."

"I won't deny that I had a suspicion," quipped Kip. "But it ended up hitting me too before I even realized I was, and maybe that's part of what told me to trust you subconsciously -and I found that I could. Either way Lars, the only thing I ask from this point on is that you stop tiptoeing around me, because if we both love each other, Then trust is part of that. You can trust me too."

"I do -for sure now," sighed Lars, almost relieved. "Though I'll still never be able to figure out how it managed to happen."

"I can't explain it either, but we're both here, so why even try? Usually, I prefer an answer as to why things happen the way they do, but for this, I'd like to think that if it ended up happening with everything before it, it was just _supposed_ to happen."

"I'll take that as an answer," agreed Lars.

Cautiously, but less so than before, he approached Kip for another embrace. 

Somewhere as it was happening, Lars felt his mouth make contact with Kip's. He couldn't tell when, because he had his eyes closed, but he felt euphoric enough in the moment that he didn't have to. 

"Not so hard, right?" asked Kip after the broke apart. 

Lars had never seen a smile on Kip that had been quite as enjoyable to look at as this particular one, and he gave the gasping start of a laugh.

"Actually, not-"

He was cut off by a voice coming from the direction of the equipment trailer.

"Lars, I hate to say it, but they've got everything onstage, they want us on for soundcheck in no more than fifteen, that's going to take at least an hour, we get a little bit in between, then backstage time starts at 7:30 and lasts for an forty-five, and then we have forty-five more minutes to be ready to go onstage by 9:00. So we need to put the pedal to the metal," called James.

Lars kicked at the dirt lightly. "Oh, fock it-"

"Hey." Kip held a finger up and wagged it. "Don't start that. Go get with your bandmates and get ready for your show. It's alright -you gotta do what you gotta do before a show."

"I'm not upset about that -though I'm sorry with traffic and all that you came so far for just fifteen minutes out here."

"I got here just as you guys were unloading," assured Kip. "And I was pretty darn stuck in it too, so you getting stuck didn't make any difference. If anything, now that I'm here, I think the traffic is favorable."

Lars looked up in confusion.

"Huh?"

Kip smirked. 

"I think if I left now with traffic coming in here and people going home for the evening toward Baltimore, I'd be even _more_ stuck than I was on the way here, and that really isn't something I want to do. So I'll stay until after -I don't have anything to get to tonight. And depending on the roads, I'll stay in town until tomorrow morning -the interstate between midnight and three in the morning is something I can't do on my own for personal reasons."

Lars was less resistant to show his smile this time than all the times he'd fought to hold them back in the past.

"Well, in that case, I guess the traffic is alright."

Kip shook his head. _He finally didn't try to hide it._

"I was wondering when you were going to actually let yourself smile and stop trying to hold it back," he said playfully. "You should do it more often."

Lars gave a short laugh just before James' voice came from the equipment trailer again.

"Lars, if I've told you _once_ , I've _told you a million times..."_

This time, it was Kip's turn to laugh, shaking his head and slapping his hand to his face.

"Oh my God... It's like Alice when I was younger and a whole lot less patient -and probably pushing his patience too!" He put his hands on Lars' shoulders and lightly pushed him in the direction of the trailer in a playful manner. "You need to be setting up and getting ready; it's after 6:30. Go; we'll see each other a while later."

Lars hurriedly pointed out to Kip the entrance to their backstage area in case if he wanted to hang out inside but on the premise -as it was, as it seemed cursed to happen at least once a week on the show schedule, predicted to rain, and clouds were already rolling in quite thick. Then he ran to go meet up with James, Rob, and Kirk.

"Everything alright?" asked Rob.

James just stood tuning up one of his guitars, smirking knowingly.

Lars nodded.

"Literally everything."

He could still feel the tingle on his hands from slapping fives with Rob and Kirk two and a half hours later, getting onstage at 9:00.

************

James walked through the equipment trailer, the stage, the backstage facilities, the dressing room, and the backstage lounge.

It was an hour after the show and the crowds had died down. The roadies were packing up equipment still, and James hadn't seen Lars since he'd first gotten out of the shower following the show, but he'd been sent to find him by Lars' drum tech.

He wasn't quite sure where Lars was, though he had his suspicions as to who he was with. James was less worried about it, but Lars' drum tech knew full well that Lars was protective of his performance gear. He was also sometimes known to randomly change his protocol for how he wanted it disassembled at the end of the night. And he could also be pretty difficult if it wasn't taken down the way he wanted it. Usually involving demands of "and what if something got broken?" As a result, Lars' tech usually either wanted Lars there, or wanted confirmation that he was doing it the same as the previous night.

Finally, he went around to the backstage hall common area that was usually designed for hanging out when more than one band or performance group was present.

And there was Lars, out cold asleep on the couch. With Kip Winger, who was also pretty well out asleep to not get woken up when James came in. Lars rested his cheek on Kip's shoulder, and Kip had an arm lightly draped around Lars' body. 

He couldn't tell much about Kip, whose hair was hanging forward over his face, but Lars looked more at peace in his sleep than James had seen in weeks.

Deciding resolutely on an answer for himself, he sneaked silently back out and to Lars' concerned tech.

"I'm pretty sure Lars wants it taken down same as last night. And if he doesn't, then I don't think he'll be too angry about it this time around."

And he wasn't.


	17. Nothing Else Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kip checks back in with his bandmates while on the road back to Baltimore after spending the night with Lars and parting again. A night later, he gets a meaningful surprise in return from Lars via email.

Kip had to leave D.C. no later than 10:30 the next morning to make sure he'd be back in Baltimore on time to comfortably get ready with the others for their own performance with room for traffic error.

Despite the limited time with Lars, it was more than either of the two had planned on, considering four weeks ago, they hadn't known they'd be seeing each other again so soon, so neither could complain.

Though it had seemed like nothing special to only fall out asleep on the couch in the backstage commons, it was the opposite for Kip and Lars. They had started out trying to just talk and catch up on the couch, but Lars was so physically tired out after being onstage and all the excitement of the day's turnaround that he could hardly sit up straight, and Kip, being emotionally exhausted, was fighting against drooping eyelids.

Finally, Kip gave up on trying when they kept losing track of their thoughts every other sentence and Lars startled, having lost his sense of balance trying to sit up.

"If you need -actually, just lean over or lie down. We're both fighting the nod here, so there's no point in being embarrassed about it."

Lars leaned sideways and rested his cheek on Kip's shoulder. That was almost as good as seeing each other on surprise earlier. He could have gone to sleep right there, but kept trying to push on.

"Alright, and -wait, what was I saying?" he asked. "Oh, fock it, I lost it _again..."_

Kip was silent for a second, squinting in thought.

"I think it was-" he cut off with a deep yawn. _"S'cuse me;_ it's not the company -it was...? Aw, crap, I can't remember either. I'm sorry."

Lars gave a short, lethargic laugh. "Well, then, what else-?"

"Damn it, you know what? -that's enough. I'm going over too. Watch yourself," warned Kip, sliding over sideways to lie down against the arm of the couch.

"Should we just give it up for now?" asked Lars, readjusting to also lie down.

"Yeah, that's enough if we can't -time to take it easy."

"Too much excitement," Lars murmured.

Kip lightly shook his head against the couch. "You probably got that right."

Lars didn't even say anything in response, but just lay there, deciding he didn't want to be anywhere else at the moment. Not only did he love Kip Winger somehow, but Kip loved him back, and now they were lying on a couch together. 

He remembered, before drifting off, how the last time they'd been on a couch late at night, they were both sitting up, fighting insomnia, questioning whether it would be a good idea to continue talking. A month later, here they were trying and failing to fight off sleep.

_Fock yeah, it was a good idea, even if we didn't really say much for a good while, he thought to himself._

Two hours later, getting woken up and warned by roadie that they had to leave the venue, neither Kip nor Lars could figure out who passed out first-nor did they care. Kip just drove to the hotel while he was alert enough after waking up, Lars with him in the car so that he felt safe doing so in the dark, and they went straight back to sleep as soon as they arrived.

Now, it was morning, and time for Kip to leave. Lars hadn't been as eager to get up, but he did and got dressed to walk down to the parking lot with Kip. 

Before leaving the hotel room, Lars asked if they could exchange emails too in addition to their numbers.

"Probably not a bad idea, even if I highly doubt I'm going to have the same problem with the phone again. Doesn't hurt to have a backup."

"I should have thought about that in the first place," said Lars.

"Don't berate yourself -I wasn't thinking about it either. Maybe since it ended with this it was supposed to happen," Kip decided. "Alright, I need to head back -wouldn't want the guys to get too worried. Rod can run the boat during prep for a performance, but it's a lot easier for him when I'm there, and I ultimately have to be there by a certain point."

"I get it. Well, until next time -and at least there will be a phone call or email this time around," Lars quipped.

"I would hope. -I'm joking; you still startle so easily." Kip smirked at the quick flash of worry on Lars' face at his statement.

Lars blushed and face-planted into both of his hands, shaking his head and snickering. "I guess that's something I can't change."

"Don't; its alright." Kip checked the time. "Okay, tick tock. I'd better get going. Now it's right on 10:30, and if there's traffic, you get the picture."

"I sure do." Lars gave Kip one final embrace and peck on the lips before turning to go back inside and not hold him up any longer.

"Good to see you." Kip unlocked the car and loaded in his bags as Lars went back inside. 

As soon as Kip got in the car -before he could even start it up -his phone rang. It wouldn't have been Lars when he'd just barely gotten back inside the hotel, so he knew immediately it was one of his bandmates calling to make sure he was on schedule to get back, and to check in.

Wanting to beat any potential noon-time traffic, Kip answered on the speaker setting so that he could get going on the road without having to hold the phone.

"Good morning, and this is...?"

"Morning, Kip!" John Roth. 

Kip was mildly surprised. "It's not every morning that you're on phone duty, John. Did you just wake up?"

"A little over half an hour ago, so it hasn't been that long. But yeah, I figured I'd give Rod some slack from the second in command to hold the fort down," John quipped. "So I'm guessing you're a hundred percent better now given you're up at a normal time and not sleeping until almost noon like yesterday?" 

Kip snorted at John's joking around. 

"I'm pretty sure. There's nothing for me to be upset about now, and everything's settled. I found Lars when I got there, and yes, he was pretty surprised to see me."

"And then, so you spent the night too?" asked John eagerly.

"John!" Kip scolded through snickering. "I thought I was gonna get that question from Rod or Paul before you -you must be in rare form this morning!"

John burst out laughing in loud peals. 

Kip had only been kidding; John had a tendency to be a jokester too, but he had too much trouble holding himself together to keep a serious act, and Kip knew full well if he mock-shamed John, he'd lose it in a way that was priceless.

"Yeah, I did. There wasn't much time due to traffic, so I stayed until after, and by that point it was late and I can't willingly make myself drive on my own at night unless I have to get somewhere in an emergency. And I was tired -both of us were, really, so we just went straight to sleep as soon as possible. Everything's alright now, and I'm actually getting on the road back to you all right here as we speak. What'd you guys get up to anyways? You know, so I don't have worry about hoping you all didn't pull your rooms apart and get into trouble?"

John laughed harder.

"I'm _kidding_ , I know you didn't," added Kip.

"We technically didn't," confirmed John, gasping for air. "Oh, lord... We did end up camping out in Paul's room most of the afternoon and evening though."

"Oh, really?"

"We thought about looking around and knocking about town, but we didn't want to do it without you when you'll be back here and we can still do it tomorrow. And Rod was ridiculously tired. Paul, Reb, and I probably stayed up later than we should have on the bus, and we were a little less energetic too. But Rod -bless his heart -was starting to get shaky from it. So after a few minutes of thinking it through, we decided that was an excuse enough to just shut everything down, stay in and keep it quiet. And there were perks to that -more time to do a longer call or video chat home than usual especially -and aside from that we just took it as time to chill out.

"And it's not like we haven't had a day like that when I was there too," ceded Kip. "Any time the weather is excessively bad or we have one or more of us sick -and I kept Rod up, so he probably needed it to keep from getting sick. Sometimes you just have to do that without an excuse too, but I would have probably called it if I saw Rod like that. Let me put it this way -I'm not judging you all for it."

"Reb wasn't feeling well either, so that just gave us more reason to stay in. He had a tension headache -he didn't want to go to bed like Rod, but he did want to lie down and take it easy," John continued.

"I'm not surprised," sighed Kip. "He scared himself; I'm pretty sure he was more upset than I was at him. Got himself worked up and had the emotional adrenaline cycle going. And he probably did run himself down by the time he got off the phone."

"We all know pretty well that Reb gets himself in a frenzy easily even when he doesn't want to," agreed John, sounding slightly rueful. "Knowing you, I know you told him a thousand times to calm down-" 

"-I did," said Kip, confirming John's statement.

"-And so did we -but sometimes Reb, you know how once he gets past a certain threshold, he's on and off all day, and he went over it."

Kip got serious. "Please tell me all he had was a headache and that he didn't really make himself sick like he gets sometimes."

"Reb didn't really make himself sick -just drained his energy and he wanted to lie down and be warm on the couch," assured John quickly. "He _did_ get a little weepy again right after he got off the phone with Lars. But Paul made sure he was alright -he had his latch thrown so we could just come in when we got done making calls home and unpacking, and when I went in he was talking with Reb, and he'd already calmed down a lot. Truth be told, he was just scared when he called and got keyed up again."

"I believe it. Hence why I didn't want to get upset with him -it's contagious, spreading around camp and dragging us all down -but he came down on himself harder. And I hate seeing any of you all get upset regardless of the reason for it -Reb probably deserved it from me, but I wouldn't have felt any better from it either. I'm sure Lars blew a fuse at him anyway." Kip paused and then continued a bit more lightheartedly. "Lars has definitely toned his temper down from what he was known to be like in their heyday, but it's not hard to guess that he doesn't stock his fuses as well as I at least try to."

John shook his head. "Kip, we know pretty well that you have the patience of a saint. Reb did have a few quiet spells later in the day where we could tell he was thinking about it, but once we were all settled in, he was fine. And even though it was a quiet day without doing much, we still had some fun hanging out -especially at the end when we had rested and maybe got a little stir-crazy. Today will probably be more fun for Reb when you get back and we get in prep mode for tonight."

"Well, traffic is a _whole_ lot less ridiculous than it was yesterday, so I'll be back soon enough for him to see proof that I'm okay now and he doesn't need to work himself up anymore," declared Kip. "He shouldn't have to wait too long."

"That's because it's Friday morning as opposed to Thursday afternoon rush hour." John groaned. "Get back before it hits the afternoon, or it'll be even worse today. Anyway, we did manage to have fun despite all the hype. We all piled into Paul's room after getting done with unpacking, calling home and other things. Wasn't unlike when we would camp out in the studio sometimes, except it was in a hotel room. Paul dug out the extra blankets from the closet, Reb curled up on the couch with one of those, and Paul kind of squeezed in on the space at the end of the couch -he kind of stayed with Reb and looked out for him the rest of the day. I went down on the floor with the extra pillows and the other spare blankets, and in about an hour or so, Rod woke up -he came in and joined me on the floor. And then he made a mess of things."

"Rod? What'd he do; something silly, I take it?" asked Kip with amusement, aware that Rod had his moments where he could get a bit hyper and crazy. "Did it have to do with how you mentioned getting stir-crazy?"

John's voice was enough to hear that he was shaking his head.

"What else would it have had to do with? He swiped one of my blankets trying to make a fort between the coffee table and a chair to get himself under. Of course, that really didn't work out too well, since he didn't have anything to clip the blanket to the chair with. Then Paul snatched the blanket, Rod retaliated with one of the pillows, and I don't know if he meant to start what he did, but the next minute," John broke off choking on a laugh. "Next thing you know, we were all up on our feet, and we had _every pillow_ from the couch and the beds _flying around the room._ By some miracle, nothing got knocked down!"

Now it was Kip's turn to laugh wildly at the thought of Rod having a battle trying to get a blanket to stay draped across two surfaces when the one was likely much higher than the other, and having the blanket fall down on top of him multiple times followed by the breakout of a full-fledged pillow massacre.

"Well, next time I'm with you all that we have a day with an excuse to stay in, I'm calling it that we do that again for kicks. But we'll have to go somewhere to get Rod something to help him with his fort woes beforehand. Now see, _I knew_ you all were going to get up to trouble at some point -I wasn't even gone for twenty-four hours!" Kip mock-scolded again, before changing the subject. "So, who's the one today still trying to hold a bed down late as possible?"

"Actually, nobody," remarked John. "Reb's up, if you could believe it."

"Before eleven on his own accord?" asked Kip incredulously.

"He went to bed early instead of staying up real late like usual," said John. "If you still consider just before midnight on a night we didn't have a late evening show as early."

"That _is_ early for Reb. But I know I was ready to go to sleep when the time came too, so I can't blame him. Is everyone feeling better today?" Kip looked ahead, seeing that he'd better ask any final questions he had and get off the phone before he needed to focus entirely on the road.

"Rod is his typical upbeat and energetic self again, and Reb woke up at the same time I did a little less enthusiastically, but I hear him next door with Paul now. Sounds like they're joking around about something, so he must be feeling better too," John concluded.

"Good," said Kip firmly. "Alright, well I'm approaching the onramp to the interstate, so I need to get off. As long as I don't wind up in traffic like yesterday, I should be there in an hour. Be ready to go."

"We'll see you then!" John hung up, and Kip got back on path to Baltimore. 

To everyone's delight, Kip didn't get stuck in traffic this time, and by the time they were onstage, they were at full energy for the first time in weeks.

************

Settling onto the bus the next day to depart for Richmond, Kip settled in the front lounge with his computer for a chance to catch up with his email inbox with messages from home and management.

What he also found waiting in his inbox for him was an email sent from Lars.

Intrigued, Kip opened it. There was a message with a quick update and saying he would probably call either that night or the next, but there was also a video link with a message under it.

_I had to get some help from Kirk and Rob for editing this together. And Rob helped me upload it -it's on an unlisted setting, so no one else can see it unless you give them access. But I want you to see it. It's for you._

Hesitantly, Kip clicked on the link.

The first thing he noticed was the title underneath the viewing screen. Nothing Else Matters: Updated Version.

Kip leaned forward to get a better look at the screen, his expression changing with confusion. _What's this?_

The familiar song played. The video was still a montage of photos and video clips. But few of them were the ones from the 90s. There were a couple of clips from back then like the original video, but more of them showed the current lineup of Metallica from the time that Rob joined.

Different members, but similar scenes. In the studio, discussing items, running around outside chilling out or goofing off. All innocent. 

Somehow, Kip felt flashbacks by the two minute mark, remembering watching the original video while on the phone with Reb early in the morning, trying to figure out what was the big deal. It was just before the three minute mark where the darts had been thrown.

Something told Kip it was definitely going to be different there this time, but he wasn't quite sure how, and for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last forty-eight hours, he found himself nervous again.

Then, at around the two and a half minute mark, he noticed a still photo of Metallica in front of a familiar structure. Outside the venue in Las Vegas.

Then there were some short clips fading in and out of Metallica onstage there and backstage, which faded into a clip at the two minute and fifty-five second mark. One from just less than a month ago that Kip remembered quite well.

Remembering it didn't stop Kip from doing a double take.

The clip was from the time that Rob took the impromptu photo. What Kip and Lars hadn't known was that Rob had taken that photo over a five second clip of video footage.

Rather than Lars laughing and holding darts in his hand in front of a poster, Kip and Lars were facing each other in person, Lars was laughing heartily, and Kip was pointing back at him, playfully ordering Lars to say what was so funny. Lars looked happier in this clip than he had with the darts, and without a doubt it was a better scene for Kip. 

It almost felt like it was supposed to have been there all along. As if nothing else from the past mattered, because it wasn't right. This was right.

 _Well, isn't that interesting_ , Kip thought to himself, pondering the meaning of it and trying to make sense.

He'd always refused to look back on it, telling himself it wouldn't change anything. Except letting it go with the belief that harping on it wouldn't change it had been the thing that actually _did_ change it. For better. It had done far more than that too. And in the short run, it, along with other setbacks, the original video had made him closer to his bandmates. Kip strongly believed it had made him appreciate the music far more than if they'd hit big right away like other bands. And somehow in the long run, it had provided him love in a place where he'd never expect to find it.

Maybe everything did really happen for a reason.

The video faded out, and in a few extra screens, Kip found his thought process reflected in a written note.

_There were a lot of stupid thoughts and trends back in the day dictating how everyone saw each other across different groups, and a lot of stupid choices made because of them. Now they're gone, so it was time to throw them out and show it the way it was supposed to be, without them. Just the music, and who we all are as individuals underneath it. That's what really matters -and nothing else._

The screen faded, and Kip continued to gaze ahead, lost in thought.

Footsteps broke the silence as Reb walked into the lounge.

"Whatcha got, Kip?"

Kip finally broke his gaze from the computer screen and came back to consciousness. "You know how some say that everything out of place sorts itself out in the end?"

Reb looked slightly confused. 

"Yeah?"

"Come here." Kip motioned for Reb to sit down next to him. "You can turn the sound off if you don't want to hear it. But I think you need to see it. I needed to see it, but I think you do too."

"I'll keep the sound on, so I can know for sure," said Reb. He sat down uneasily, his shoulders already tensing up.

Kip knew it was Reb who needed that altered clip more than he ever did or even knew he did.

If Kip had found it slightlynerve wracking to watch the video, Reb was struggling tenfold -and from the first second. As soon as Kip restarted the video, he saw Reb's hands shaking. He felt Reb flinch as soon as the song's first arpeggios were struck, his hands reflexively jerking up to shield his eyes, a shaky whisper of "oh, hell, no," breaking free.

Kip placed his hand on Reb's back. "You sure you don't want me to turn the sound off?"

Reb shook his head, swallowing with a shudder. "No. I'll hear it in my head and it'll just be worse."

Kip took Reb's hand in his own, and Reb squeezed tightly. The guitarist hung his long hair over the sides of his face like curtains, peering cautiously through it, but continuing to watch the screen. All the color had drained from his face and he looked green around the gills. But there was a shift in his expression as he noticed the addition of new clips. More recent ones.

It was different, but was it the same? 

Reb didn't realize his breathing was speeding up to a panicked, dizzying pace until Kip paused the video at two and a half minutes, having noticed before he had. Then he hiccuped hard, feeling his stomach jump.

"Reb. Look at me," said Kip.

Reb tore his eyes away from the screen, a cold sweat on his forehead, panting lightly and gulping back a wave of nausea. He was beginning to panic fully.

"I can't, Kip; I can't."

Kip held up one finger, getting up and going through the bus to the kitchen area. He came back with a glass of water and a damp paper towel, handing them to Reb.

"Just calm down." Kip reached his arm around Reb's back and placed his hand on his shoulder.

Reb held the cool, damp towel against his hot cheeks. The nausea began to back off, and he took a long gulp from the glass.

"Do you trust me?" asked Kip.

Reb looked up, still having the deer in the headlights appearance. "Of course, Kip, I always have."

"Then can you trust me when I say it's going to be okay?"

Reb nodded. He still looked sick, but less on the verge of hurling like he had the second before. Kip held him closer against his side.

"I'm here with you Reb. Right beside you. And I'll say it again that lot of things can change, but I will promise you that me being here for you is one thing that won't."

Reb nodded. A second later, he reached a shaky hand out toward Kip's laptop and resumed the video. He watched, still by Kip's side.

Kip could feel the flinch reverberate through Reb's body as the clip came on, then a cautious reduction in the tension through Reb as the scene playing out sunk in.

"H-he changed it," murmured Reb, still in shock.

"He did. With help from all the others."

Reb didn't like Metallica. He didn't like Lars, and he still felt uncomfortable with him, but seeing this after his phone call to Lars, there was something different about Lars' appearance watching this video. Something beneath his exterior that said other things than "douche" like all Reb had seen before. He still saw "douche" -and always would, but it wasn't the only thing this time.

Somebody who respected and cared about Kip too.

"I don't know what to make of this, Kip. It doesn't undo the old one -I can't forget that one, and it drives me crazy with that -but this one, I don't know." Reb trailed off and looked at Kip, looking helplessly conflicted and as if he wanted Kip to approve his thoughts. "It feels wrong saying it, but at the same time..." He paused and gulped. "It makes it feel better."

"There's nothing wrong with that, Reb." _It's healing._

Kip showed Reb the message at the end.

"Well," said Reb dryly, a hint of his regular sarcastic humor returning from wherever it had been hidden the past couple of days, "its about damn time it happened."

In his eyes, it was visible as the grips of a long-standing fear were beginning to slowly release their strong hold on Reb.

Kip put his arm around Reb again, snickering internally at Reb's remark -still ever so like him, but lighter than he'd heard in a while.

"It's all over, Reb. Everything's the way it's supposed to be. And I think it's there to stay."

Somewhere inside, both knew it was this time.


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year later...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crap! After backing up all my other stuff, I realized I still hadn't put the last chapter up on here. Whoops! Anyway, it's pretty much up to anyone's imagination what happens past here, but it's easy to suspect that Lars and Kip are in it together long term, even when they have distance between them.

"Alright, you guys are on your way into New York, and we're on our way into Chicago. Approximately the same distance from where we are, and the same time span in light traffic -it all depends on luck with traffic lights and traffic itself -slightly harder in New York, but we have a bus instead of vans -that evens it out a bit. Should be approximately two hours; I'm putting this on the clock as soon as the vehicles get going. Lars, get your clock set, drivers at the ready... Aaaaand -on your mark... Get set... Go!"

Kirk Hammett doubled over in his seat laughing as Kip extensively set the terms over the phone, and Lars hit the stopwatch to get it running as he shouted forcefully to the van driver:

"Focking get this van _going!"_

Kirk stopped laughing and winced. "Yikes, Lars, don't blast the driver's ears out, because that won't get you there any sooner!"

Now it was Lars' turn to laugh -and Kip's too, having heard both of them.

It had become a game between Kip and Lars where if they had a travel time that was the relative same distance, time span, and had a similar potential for traffic holdups, that they arranged to call, and then set up timing for who could get to their destination the fastest. Without breaking speed limits or traffic laws of course. Not that their drivers would do it if they asked.

Kip couldn't remember how exactly the process itself came about, but he knew the idea had resulted from some discussion he and Lars had had a few days after he'd left D.C. joking Kip's luck with the traffic and how it didn't always like to play nice. To which then Kip questioned Lars if his luck with traffic would have been any better in such a situation. Now a year had passed, and the process of trying to determine that was still ongoing in a way they could both get amusement out of.

The vans got going at the exact same time that many miles away, the bus which Winger were on started moving.

James had Kirk on his phone on speaker so that everyone in both vans for Metallica could hear everything. Including Kirk laughing his head off, Lars' impatient remark in his wild voice, and Kip announcing.

"Hey, did the occupants of our other van lose their senses again?" he asked jokingly. "Or is Lars just having a racing game?"

"Game," replied Lars.

"Or possibly both," joked Kirk.

Though the signal was weak, Paul could hear it from where he stood with Kip with the bus phone. He leaned in next to Kip and announced before Kip could respond.

"I think at least one of our bandmates has lost theirs!" To which was responded by laughter over the phones going through both vans, and the bus.

"Oh, Paul, you stop that!" Kip chuckled, before wittily turning it around on Paul. "Though it might seem like it at this moment!"

"I think it's across all three vehicles -the bus and our two vans," concluded Rob with a smile in his voice. "Life on the road -it'll do it to everyone at some point."

"Alright, so are we calling when we get down to ten minutes estimated time of arrival on the GPS?" asked Lars.

"That's what we usually do to count down to victory," said Kip. "Might be a little longer since we're headed into tight city centers, but oh well. We'll keep it the same for kicks."

"Alright then, we're off and running, so we'll hang up for now, and expect your call -if we don't make it first that is," Lars challenged.

"And we have every intention of making that call before you do," said Kip playfully before hanging the phone up.

"Hey, Kip, did you wanna bet with them on who wins?" challenged Paul, raising an eyebrow.

"Why's there's a need to do that, Paul? We already know we're better at this!" scolded Reb. "Shame on you!"

"Aw, you should have recommended that done it while I was still on the phone with them! -I didn't think about that," Kip groaned. "Would have made things more interesting, but I don't know if Lars would be up to it now. I would, but we already set it. Too late; maybe next time though. If Lars is up to it."

And two hours later, just as the GPS on the bus read eleven minutes and Kip was picking up the phone, preparing to dial it, it rang in his hand.

"Oh, _crap!"_ shouted Reb from the lounge, having heard it. "Kip, how close are we?"

"Hey, we're at eleven minutes, it's gonna be real close," replied Kip, picking up the phone.

"We're at ten -we made the call first," teased Lars.

"Well, we're at eleven -just jumped down to ten here now, so I wouldn't get cocky. We'll have to see what happens. Neck and neck, the slightest thing could determine this here!" The smirk was audible in Kip's voice.

He looked ahead. There was traffic, but not too bad, and the traffic lights had reasonable intervals. If the venue that Metallica was headed for was in an area with tightly packed traffic lights, Winger still had a good chance.

Reb, Paul, and Rod all ran forward to the front of the bus to see out the front windshield. Likewise, Lars and Kirk leaned in toward the middle of their van to try and see through the two front seats as to where they were. Things were getting very, very intense. 

"We're at five minutes, where are you guys?" asked Lars.

"We're at seven now." _Ooh, is it hard to keep up with a bus in traffic as opposed to with a smaller van!_

Kip leaned forward, trying to get a better look of up ahead again. He could see a gap in the traffic coming, where it was lightening up beyond a certain point. If they could just get there soon enough...

Lars groaned. "Damn it, now it's stacked up toward a set of lights! Kirk, you'd better cross your fingers with me!"

"Hey, I'm watching and cheering you on, but I'm not in on this -I'm just a spectator," argued Kirk.

"Oh, you're no fun!" Lars pouted.

"Uh-oh," said Kip with a hint of mischief. The bus hit the traffic break and began to speed up. This was shaping up nicely. Now all they needed was one more bit of luck. He saw the estimated time tick down to four as the bus maintained the higher speed.

Just then, the Metallica vans approached an intersection, which was backed up, slowly crawling to it. The light was staying green for a good time it seemed, and they were four car lengths from the light. But then...

Lars' eyes practically bugged out of his head. "Oh, fock! No! Shit, it's turning yellow! Get through it; get through -damn it!" His van, and James and Rob's van both got stuck at the red light then.

Kirk dissolved into laughter again at Lars' freakout.

"You guys got caught at a light!" Kip teased in a sing song voice, before feeling their bus come to a halt. "Aw shit, well now we did too! No big deal then."

"Pffft!" Lars cracked up.

"Hey, Kip, it's turning red on the crossroad," warned Reb, who was now on the lookout and rooting hard for Kip as always.

"And, get ready... Go!" shouted Paul as the light turned green.

"Go go go!" exclaimed Lars as the light turned green for Metallica too.

"I see our venue! It's two blocks in front of us!" yelped Kirk.

"Ours is right here in front of us now," said Kip, pleased as they managed to hit the traffic break between the lights.

"And we're turning in... and WE WIN!" declared Reb.

"Aw, damn it!" laughed Kirk.

"You know, I could compare our timing with the vehicles and lights to my timing and that of _another_ guitarist's subpar timing, but we won, so I'm satisfied with that," said Reb, subtly poking fun at Kirk. "Though a guitar competition between us wouldn't be fair like unpredictable traffic, because I'd win it for sure without question!"

It was true -Reb Beach still hated Metallica, and he made it pretty clear during the traffic games when the phones were in speaker. But he'd become less uncomfortable over time, and found humor between them. It was especially hilarious and amusing to him when Kip got going with the race announcements, and just seeing Kip having so much fun. He also found it fun getting in on it with Kip -and victory was nice too. Reb never would forgive that incident years ago, but he had to admit it didn't irk him as badly now with the new respect between them.

"Alright, I admit it, you guys got it fair!" groaned Kirk.

"So now we won the race this go round," started Kip, just the slightest bit of mischief audible in his flat tone. "Does that mean that since we're trying to 'cross paths' more often that it falls to Lars to arrange that this time?"

Silence a second.

Lars groaned. "Aw, do I have to?! In addition to all other tour plans?"

Kip chuckled and Reb snorted.

"Really, Lars? I thought you'd launch out of your van at that mention!" joked Rob, who was now reconnected by Kirk's phone by speaker to Lars' van.

"Fock it, you guys, I'm kidding. Of course I will! And just so you know, I already looked the schedule, and there are three possible chances -one of which is about five weeks away, so it would be pretty bad if we couldn't make at least one of those happen."

Full laughter across vehicles again.

"Alright, Lars, I think you'd better jump on coordinating that later. We're here now!" announced James. 

"We're good. Alright, I take it you all need to get unpacked and ready, and so do we, so I'm gonna let you go here, Lars," said Kip.

"Okay, later -and yes, I'll look into everything." Lars was grinning as he hung up, and knew all his bandmates were probably internally joking him still, and none of them could figure it out after a year, but he didn't care.

One thing was definitely for certain though which not only could Kip and Lars agree to, but so could everyone else -even James and Reb:

The music industry -especially the metal-related sector of it -really was unpredictable and full of surprises. One never really could tell just what would happen.

Lars never imagined what had started in Vegas, or really, what had started with that awkward encounter at that festival in 1993. On one of their conversations, Kip had mentioned one of his mindsets as not being afraid to at least try for what seemed impossible, because it wasn't necessarily what it seemed -that being one of the things that had kept Winger going. Over a year ago, Lars was certain he'd have dismissed where he was now as impossible. But, he had tried approaching Kip -if it had taken a bit of help and encouragement from Rob.

Looking back, neither he, nor Kip -even their bandmates to a point -would have had it any other way.


End file.
